Carol Vordeman needs to lay off the fake tan

[Daniel]

Went for a wee before and on the way to the toilet she was in reception. Surely looking like you've been in the oven for 10 minutes per pound at 180 degrees celsius can't be good for you :mark:

[Daniel]

Now she's in our wing! Get away from me and stop trying to flog me a 50% interest loan to get me out of debt!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!

[LotusElise]

Has she got hold of you yet or are you safe now?
She has scared me a bit since I saw her do the rumba on Strictly Come Dancing about three years ago, wiggling and leering in a most terrifying way whilst dressed in a fleshtone outfit.

[Daniel]

I'm not important enough to have her talk to me thankfully :D She's wearing this white suit deal. I don't think you should ever have skin that is 350 shades darker than her clothing.

I've asked for your post to be removed as it contains language that makes the flesh crawl :p

[LotusElise]

The dance itself is on Youtube, if you're into horror movies...

[Daniel]

No thanks :mark:

I've just had a terrible thought. She might become the public face of our company :mark: How bad would that be? :eek:

[GridGirl]

The public face of your company Daniel? You might be given a few bottles of what she's using if your lucky. :p

Fake tan's not that bad I suppose. I was at the training ground of football team the other week and realised that the players take more beauty products with them in their Louis Luitton wash bags than I've ever owned in my life. :s

[Dave B]

I can't stand her. Countdown viewers think the sun shines out of her arse, but let's see what they think when the baliffs are at the door to evict them from the house they remortgaged on the advice of those smug partronising sub-prime loan adverts she pockets a shedload of money for :angryfire

[Daniel]

I can't stand her. Countdown viewers think the sun shines out of her arse, but let's see what they think when the baliffs are at the door to evict them from the house they remortgaged on the advice of those smug partronising sub-prime loan adverts she pockets a shedload of money for :angryfire
She just exuded that "the sun shines out of my arse" look :mark:

Was talking to Caroline and she's actually a local and her sister used to live up the road from where Caroline used to live and she'd get chauffer driven to her own sister's house :mark: She went on Top Gear trying to sound like a petrol head and all yet she gets driven around all the time :rolleyes:

[Camelopard]

Who is Carol Vordeman?

Allez les Blues...........

[LotusElise]

Carol Vorderman is a very British institution. Imagine a cross between a gameshow hostess, a maths teacher and a Mensa member (which she is, I think).
She does the numbers section of th word and maths quiz, Countdown. She had a cult following of maths teacher fetishists for years and then, all of a sudden, gave herself a scary glam makeover and started wearing fewer clothes.
She probably has a Wikipedia page somewhere.

[BDunnell]

She might become the public face of our company

There is a word in that sentence that I'm very glad you didn't mis-spell. ;)

[BDunnell]

Carol Vorderman is a very British institution. Imagine a cross between a gameshow hostess, a maths teacher and a Mensa member (which she is, I think).
She does the numbers section of th word and maths quiz, Countdown. She had a cult following of maths teacher fetishists for years and then, all of a sudden, gave herself a scary glam makeover and started wearing fewer clothes.
She probably has a Wikipedia page somewhere.

I was once treated to the sight of a school video called Carol Vorderman's Pop Music Times Tables. It was as good as it sounds.

[Daniel]

what are you glad i didn't mis-spell? :mark:

[Malbec]

Imagine a cross between a gameshow hostess, a maths teacher and a Mensa member (which she is, I think).

I love the way she sells herself as being a Cambridge graduate but isn't quite so willing to disclose the fact she ended up with a third.....

[BDunnell]

what are you glad i didn't mis-spell? :mark:

Put it this way, I once saw a mis-print of the sentence: 'At that time, aircraft manufacturers — and there were many in the UK — chose to keep examples of their past products, and displayed them regularly in public places.'

[Iain]

I was once treated to the sight of a school video called Carol Vorderman's Pop Music Times Tables. It was as good as it sounds.

Your school must have been classier than mine. We only got a cassette (it's been so long since I used that word I'm not sure if I've spelt it properly!) tape of a man in a wacky echoing voice doing the Tables Disco to typical 80s electro-pop music.

[BDunnell]

Your school must have been classier than mine.

Honestly, I very much doubt it!


We only got a cassette (it's been so long since I used that word I'm not sure if I've spelt it properly!) tape of a man in a wacky echoing voice doing the Tables Disco to typical 80s electro-pop music.

That sounds equally fabulous. Another favourite of mine was the programme Singing Together, which was used in our music lessons. One year, I recall one of the songs went thus:

"I wear a red sombrero
It is a big sombrero
I only wear it
Because the sunshine
Gets in my eyes and
I cannot see-ee
At all"

[Daniel]

Put it this way, I once saw a mis-print of the sentence: 'At that time, aircraft manufacturers — and there were many in the UK — chose to keep examples of their past products, and displayed them regularly in public places.'
Parlez vous Englais? :p

:dork:

[BDunnell]

Parlez vous Englais? :p

:dork:

Non, mais je parle Français, but not often in public.

I had rather hoped I wouldn't end up having to spell that one out... ;)

[Daniel]

Ewwwww :mark:

[BDunnell]

Exactly. Sorry.

[oily oaf]

Countdown. Shmountdown :mad:
I've always been a Blockbusters man myself.
You knew where you were with Uncle Bob Holness. Ah yes my friends you'd never catch the self styled Lord Of Lexiconography pouting saucily at the camera, applying fake tan or wearing skirts right up to his Jack and Danny. Oh dear me no.
By Thunder I'll ne're forget the day I was amongst the contestants and blurted out "Can I have a "P" please Bob?"
Covering his hurt and embarrassment the nimble witted brute fixed me with his one rheumy eye and countered "It's the first door on yer left my son"

I must confess I blubbed shamelessly.

Yours faithfully
Ned Pantyliner
69 Pelvic Floor Approach
World of Watersports Model Village
Millwall Dock

[Dave B]

Bob Holness. Now there's a living legend. Him and Gordon Burns off the Krypton Factor.

[LotusElise]

Gordon Burns reads the news for North West Today now, or I think he still does.
The Krypton Factor was a classic. I loved that show.

[oily oaf]

Bob Holness. Now there's a living legend. Him and Gordon Burns off the Krypton Factor.

When my darkness descends upon me I often mentally conjure up a scenario where Bob and Gordon cover each other in soluble lathe oil and then wrestle vigorously with a meekly protesting LotusElise.
I should imagine it would seem like the most natural thing in the world. :mad:

Nice bit of lemon sole for tea tonight.
I'll enjoy that.

[LotusElise]

Bob is far too tall for me, Oily...

[Drew]

Now she's in our wing!

Reception, wing?

They're paying you far too much money by the looks of things!