Fag Ash Lil

[oily oaf]

Firstly allow me to point out that the thread title is a generic term used by us delightful London chappies to describe a lady of the opposite species who enjoys a cigarette or 40 as part of her daily regime.

Now then did any of you see on your moving, speaking televisions the wonderful old lady from South London who celebrated her 100th birthday yesterday by puffing away on a ciggie before going on to explain in wonderfully eloquent terms how she had been on the gaspers for 93 years without a break and how she deplored the draconian anti-smoking legislation that has been imposed on the good folk of the UK of late.
The old girl was an absolute delight to listen to as she railed against the anti smoking lobby and maintained that life threatening diseases were not down to the dreaded weed at all but depended largely on a persons genetic predisposal to cancer and other respiratory complaints that are oft laid at the door of cigarette smoking.
Personally I'm with Amy, for that was her name, on this one although of course I'm fully aware that puffing away like The Flying Scotsman on a daily basis is not necessarily the path to longevity and rude health until the Grim Reaper wields his scythe :D
Conversely however I give you the case of that American bloke who convinced the entire world that the route to a healthy dotage was to be attained by going out jogging all over the gaff for mile after mile at every available opportunity.
He then went on to snuff it during a life affirming run and was subsequently found to have the furred up arteries of a 20 stone Mr Creosote looky-likey.

Firstly do you agree with her?
And secondly do you think the TV networks were irresponsible to screen this living proof that flies directly in the face of the perceived wisdom on the perils of smoking?

You can tell me folks. I'm a football hooligan ;)

(lights pipe, turns green and launches into paroxysm of pain wracked coughing)

[CarlMetro]

If the government was that concerned about the effects of smoking and the damaging health issues then rather than banning people from smoking in enclosed places they would simply ban the sale of all tobacco products in the UK. However there is a slight problem in the not unsubstantial amount of tax revenue smokers pay the treasury every year, added to the donations the tobacco manufacturers bung the political parties every year.

I think the funniest thing about the smoking ban is the regulations with regards to company vehicles. Because they are deemed a place of work, company cars/vans/trucks are now no smoking zones and anyone caught smoking in one will face the same penalties as someone who smokes in a building. However if a person provides their own company car through a personal lease, even if the company pays for all fuel, leasing and running costs, they are exempt from the rules.

The best bit though is reserved for trucks. Truck drivers are subject to the same laws as everyone else, up until they park up for the night. Once parked, so long as they sit in the passenger seat and not the drivers seat, they can puff away until they choke because the cab is then classed as private living accommodation and not a place of work :crazy:

And to answer Oily's question, I think it's scandalous that they should show anyone on telly surviving two world wars and the ravage of the ciggy. Christ on a bike, next they'll be showing us people drinking alcohol daily and living to a ripe old age.

[Caroline]

Smoking kills. But then we all die in the end. So if you are a smoker, you take a chance and hope that you have good genes. It's a lottery really. I guess if you live to a good age you have the right to live as you choose as long as you don't harm anyone. It's in stark contrast to a recent story about Madonna injecting vitamins directly into her arm during a flight as she was due a shot. Now that's weird.

[leopard]

Cigar is lifestyle, avoiding cigar and trying of regular physical sport have positive correlation with keeping our health fit and may prevent any disadvantages of health.

I found many chained-smoker have their life good, and those never tried smoking have shorter life. Food like cigar, also a lifestyle that we have to pay attention because the wrong food may endanger our health worse than cigar.

Banning tobacco industries have a potency more dangerous dilemma since it contribute to great deal of number of tax levies to government, tragically there will be social disease we found unemployment everywhere because trading activity is stagnated by its restriction beside this is a densely-employed industry which absorbs number of labor.

Age and life i think very much depend on how do we enjoy this life. As long as we are able to manage our stress positively and get all pressure off, and if you believe cigar relief some pain in this life, than I can't blame those the smoker.

I can but suggest not to be excessive on smoking, because there is no positive side from being overabundance, except the more money always sweet :)

[slinkster]

It's all about risk. I don't mind these sorts of stories coming out at all, there's no harm in getting both sides of the coin so to speak. However, I don't take this story to mean that scientists and doctors and the governments advice on smoking and it's health risks are nonsense. Smoking increases the risk of many diseases... if you know all there is and you still choose to do it, then fine. I'm just glad that MY chances of getting a smoking-related illness have been cut down because I no longer have to be exposed to the habits of others.

[LotusElise]

Longevity is partly genetic as well. It would be interesting to see if there were other centenarians in Amy's family tree.

Winston Churchill lived to a good age (91?), despite being an overweight chain-smoker for much of his life. Both he and his wife (who lived even longer) have some exceptionally elderly relatives who came before them.

[Dave B]

There's no black and white certainty to cause leading to effect. Cause certainly elevates the risk of effect, and government is absolutely correct to educate people as to the risks of smoking (and fatty foods, driving, drinking, skiing, chicken vindaloo, playing bongos, Twister) but should leave the ultimate choice to the individual.

[Drew]

Fag Ash Lil, that's the name of my first Thai bride. Oily you better leave her out of this, do you hear me, sunshine? :angryfire

[oily oaf]

It's all about risk. I don't mind these sorts of stories coming out at all, there's no harm in getting both sides of the coin so to speak. However, I don't take this story to mean that scientists and doctors and the governments advice on smoking and it's health risks are nonsense. Smoking increases the risk of many diseases... if you know all there is and you still choose to do it, then fine. I'm just glad that MY chances of getting a smoking-related illness have been cut down because I no longer have to be exposed to the habits of others.

That's fair comment Slinky however I'm far from convinced with regard to the much vaunted dire effects of passive smoking. The jury is seriously out on this one and indeed a scientific study last year reached the conclusion that the effects of inhaling secondary smoke is so minimal as to be almost zilch.
I must admit I always have a quiet little chuckle to myself when I see heavily perspiring joggers wheezing and gasping ashmatically as they stagger down the Mile End Road taking in great lungfulls of CO2 and nitrous oxide in their diligent quest for cardio vascular perfection :D
These are the same people who look at you as if you had just strangled Bambi if you spark up an "Oily Rag" within half a mile of 'em. Ag ag ag ag ag.
Having said that I would never be so rude or insensitive as to smoke amongst diners or on public transport although I did have a crafty drag when I went to visit a mate of mine who was on a life support machine. :(
It's what he would have wanted :mad:

Carl. I must confess I was unaware of the lorry driver regs with regard to the old coffin nails. In light of that I can only echo the sage words of Mr Bumble The Beadle from Oliver Twist.
"If the law supposes that sir then the law is a ass"
Blimey! All this quoting from classic literature has left me quite stressed. I'm off for a "rolly"
"Oi where's me Golden Virginny love?" :s mokin:

[oily oaf]

Fag Ash Lil, that's the name of my first Thai bride. Oily you better leave her out of this, do you hear me, sunshine? :angryfire

Look don't take this the wrong way mate but I'm afraid that shortly after your split I pulled her myself in a quiet little backstreet rub 'n' tug shop in Aldgate East.
I took this smudge of her only minutes after we had sealed the deal round the back of Cooks Pie And Eel shop in Dagenham.
Gaze at it and weep ya cuckolded mug.

[Drew]

Look don't take this the wrong way mate but I'm afraid that shortly after your split I pulled her myself in a quiet little backstreet rub 'n' tug shop in Aldgate East.
I took this smudge of her only minutes after we had sealed the deal round the back of Cooks Pie And Eel shop in Dagenham.
Gaze at it and weep ya cuckolded mug.

I sure hope 'she' revealed 'her' secret to yourself before sealing the deal. I was not at all chuffed, in fact a bit chafed after the whole experience.

Yours Sincerly,

Drew Drewson, Liberal Democrat MP for Brighton.

[Sleeper]

It's all about risk. I don't mind these sorts of stories coming out at all, there's no harm in getting both sides of the coin so to speak. However, I don't take this story to mean that scientists and doctors and the governments advice on smoking and it's health risks are nonsense. Smoking increases the risk of many diseases... if you know all there is and you still choose to do it, then fine. I'm just glad that MY chances of getting a smoking-related illness have been cut down because I no longer have to be exposed to the habits of others.
I agree with you here, and, yes, there isnt any concrete evidence that passive smoking does any harm to you, but man am I glad that I dont have to smell and taste smoke anymore in the pub.

[oily oaf]

I agree with you here, and, yes, there isnt any concrete evidence that passive smoking does any harm to you, but man am I glad that I dont have to smell and taste smoke anymore in the pub.

Ronnie Scott's Jaz Club minus all pervading, swirling fug of lovely tobbaco smoke making it virtually impossible to see the acts = Ambience free zone and cultural wasteland. FACTAROONEY!

Anyway dont be so selfish mate, dont you realise that ex WWII gas masks are readily available at many "specialist" outlets?
Trust me I'm a filthy, depraved rubber and latex fetishist.

(dons "The Lloyd Bridges" peeekaboo skindiving outfit, ties cat to X frame and starts whipping furiously)

[Hazell B]

"Oi where's me Golden Virginny love?" :s mokin:


Want one of my packs? there's loads in the dresser, thanks to a certain mechanic and his globetrotting friends ;)

Anyway, I'm not so much for the stories of long life after smoking, drinking heavily and what have you. The smokers believe they are the majority, not the minority. The "It won't happen to me" safety blanket always comes with a tale of Grandma Fanny who lived to 102 on 40 Park Drive and a large bedtime whiskey, never ate her veggies and always had lard for lunch.

Grandma Fanny probably died at 80 tops, only smoked after her husband died (because it seemed a shame to waste that baccy) and did of course eat her greens as it was all they had in the War.

Smoking isn't good for you. Even if the cancer doesn't get you, the breath will stink and come up short if you try running and you'll raise your colesterol big style. You'll also look older than your years (that's my excuse :p : ) and waste thousands of pounds a year.

Having been a considerate smoker anyhow, I don't mind the new laws. In fact, I don't think they've altered my smoking at all yet - maybe they will in winter though.
I do mind being shouted at from every direction if I dare get the cigarettes out while still in the building before going outside to light one, though. The annoying anti-smokers who class us all as cancer fairies don't realise some of us were actually pretty considerate by choice before the ban :mark:

For the record, I do smoke in my company vehicle. It's my ruddy company, so I'd like to see them stop me :D

[Eki]

For the record, I do smoke in my company vehicle. It's my ruddy company, so I'd like to see them stop me :D
You don't care if you make your employees (Naburn and Kipper) passive smokers?

[Hazell B]

Yes, Eki it does matter. They have fresh air blasted in to the back (where they are) when I'm smoking and they're in the Land Rover. My window no longer works, so the rear ones are opened instead, too.

Oddly I've never heard of smoking bothering dogs health-wise, yet I don't make them share my smoke all the same. Doesn't stop them walking in to a lit cigarette end at least once a week each, though :mark:
You'd think they'd learn, but no. Nose v fag end only ever has one winner :p :

[LotusElise]

Oddly I've never heard of smoking bothering dogs health-wise, yet I don't make them share my smoke all the same.

Our dog died of lung cancer and when my dad was feeling malicious once, he made the connection between this and my mum's smoking. Out loud. In front of my auntie.

[BDunnell]

If the government was that concerned about the effects of smoking and the damaging health issues then rather than banning people from smoking in enclosed places they would simply ban the sale of all tobacco products in the UK. However there is a slight problem in the not unsubstantial amount of tax revenue smokers pay the treasury every year, added to the donations the tobacco manufacturers bung the political parties every year.

I have never seen anything to suggest that the amounts of revenue raised through tobacco would particularly worry any government into not banning the stuff in its entirety. Instead, I suspect that those responsible for policy in this area have come to the conclusion that allowing some element of personal freedom, i.e. the ability to smoke in your own home, etc, is better and more palatable than restricting it altogether.


I think the funniest thing about the smoking ban is the regulations with regards to company vehicles. Because they are deemed a place of work, company cars/vans/trucks are now no smoking zones and anyone caught smoking in one will face the same penalties as someone who smokes in a building. However if a person provides their own company car through a personal lease, even if the company pays for all fuel, leasing and running costs, they are exempt from the rules.

The best bit though is reserved for trucks. Truck drivers are subject to the same laws as everyone else, up until they park up for the night. Once parked, so long as they sit in the passenger seat and not the drivers seat, they can puff away until they choke because the cab is then classed as private living accommodation and not a place of work :crazy:

I don't see that latter example as being especially odd, given that no-one else is affected. And in a company car, I would hope that if a non-smoker in the car complained about someone else smoking, the smoker would be considerate and put it out, ban or no ban.

[CarlMetro]

I don't see that latter example as being especially odd, given that no-one else is affected. And in a company car, I would hope that if a non-smoker in the car complained about someone else smoking, the smoker would be considerate and put it out, ban or no ban.

No Ben, you're missing the point. The whole argument for not smoking in a company vehicle is that another person who doesn't smoke is entitled to drive the vehicle, because it is owned by the company and the company has the right to decide whether you or anyone else drives that vehicle. The same theory applies to a truck cab, yet a driver who is parked up for the night can smoke in their cab, so long as they're not in the driver seat, if they sat in the driver seat then they could still be classed as at work and therefore fined like anyone else.

For the record I'm a smoker. I have never smoked in anyone's house/car garden that doesn't smoke them,selves, nopr have I ever smoked in my own car when accompanied by anyone who doesn't smoke.

OH BTW, if the UK government did ban all tobacco products, then they would have to find the estimated £23.5 billion per annum of income from lost tax revenues somewhere else, still I'm sure you have plenty of ideas on where they can raise that little bit of pocket change from?

[BDunnell]

No Ben, you're missing the point. The whole argument for not smoking in a company vehicle is that another person who doesn't smoke is entitled to drive the vehicle, because it is owned by the company and the company has the right to decide whether you or anyone else drives that vehicle. The same theory applies to a truck cab, yet a driver who is parked up for the night can smoke in their cab, so long as they're not in the driver seat, if they sat in the driver seat then they could still be classed as at work and therefore fined like anyone else.

But the two are not similar in one important way, namely the likelihood of someone else being in the vehicle. It's more likely in the car than the truck. This is the whole point of introducing the smoking ban.

In addition, loopholes in the law like this are generally very rarely enforced. How many people do you think will fall foul of this one?


For the record I'm a smoker. I have never smoked in anyone's house/car garden that doesn't smoke them,selves, nopr have I ever smoked in my own car when accompanied by anyone who doesn't smoke.

I should say that I hope I didn't come across as saying that you are an inconsiderate smoker. I certainly didn't mean to.


OH BTW, if the UK government did ban all tobacco products, then they would have to find the estimated £23.5 billion per annum of income from lost tax revenues somewhere else, still I'm sure you have plenty of ideas on where they can raise that little bit of pocket change from?

No, but I still don't believe that this is the primary motivation in not enforcing an outright tobacco ban.

[Breeze]

........did any of you see on your moving, speaking televisions.........

What I want to know is where I can get one of my very own. My TV just sits on the credenza. Makes pretty pictures and sounds, but I'd really prefer on that'll follow me to the bathroom and keep up an intelligent conversation without looking directly at me (shy, y'know). Will yours do that?

[oily oaf]

What I want to know is where I can get one of my very own. My TV just sits on the credenza. Makes pretty pictures and sounds, but I'd really prefer on that'll follow me to the bathroom and keep up an intelligent conversation without looking directly at me (shy, y'know). Will yours do that?

Oh yes. This is largely due to the fact that I have fitted small castors to the bottom which enables me to drag it all over the house by means of a craftily adapted sled dog harness.
A word to the wise though Breeze. Avoid the bathroom at all costs. Last Wednesday I took mine into the bath with me and submerged it under the water so that I could add a touch of authenticity to 1970's underwater drama Seahunt starring actor Lloyd Bridges. I then donned scuba gear before plunging in with it.
How we all laughed as I was killed instantly and reduced to a blackened shadow of my former self.

[leopard]

Longevity is partly genetic as well. It would be interesting to see if there were other centenarians in Amy's family tree.

Winston Churchill lived to a good age (91?), despite being an overweight chain-smoker for much of his life. Both he and his wife (who lived even longer) have some exceptionally elderly relatives who came before them.

Yeah good age, while I agree that physical health is important, I'd rather consider mental health is more important.
That could be a reason why do those visually have bad habit of smoking, drink or food, have better age besides genetic factor.

[Hazell B]

.... 1970's underwater drama Seahunt starring actor Lloyd Bridges.

Sure it wasn't the 80's? The young lad from that show smoked and died very young indeed. Coincidence? ;)

I believe the dolphin's still available for autographs, though.

[Hazell B]

Actually, I might mean Seaquest DSV.
I'm all confused now .... :s

[oily oaf]

Actually, I might mean Seaquest DSV.
I'm all confused now .... :s

I would be extremely grateful if you didn't mention S*******t DSV again.
For you see the brute like fans of this risible travesty of an underwater drama starring actor Roy Scheider are the sworn enemies of my own Seahunt Crew and will stop at nothing to see us all languishing at the bottom of Davy Jones' Locker :(

We often have bloody , subterranean battles with the DSV at various inshore waters around The British Isles.
These tear-ups or Rammies as our Scottish members call them are usually arranged over the internet, by ship to shore radio, the Aldis Lamp and sometimes semaphore.

By The Lord Harry I'll never forget the day when I was diving a wreck in Hackney Marsh Duckpond searching for Spanish Doubloons and discarded articles of ladies underwear when suddenly out of nowhere I was attacked by two DSV hooligans who were heavily tooled up with Giant Squid, Octopi and Clam.
Before I could draw my dagger they were upon me and quickly fastened a clam to my foot before unleashing the squid which began to cut off my airway with it's cloying writhing tentacles.
I thought I was done for when suddenly out of the murk came my diving partner who was none other than 1960s Scottish pop princess Lulu.
With a blood curdling cry of "Stitch that ya wee buggers" she drew her serrated maternity haggis knife from her belt and slashed the airlines of my two assailants causing them to clutch frenzidly at their throats before rising to the surface in a maelstrom of bubbles only to die later from The Bends in a DSV decompression chamber.
Which was nice :)

Next week:
The Seahunt boys have a right royal tear up with the cast and crew of 1960's realistic cop drama "Z Cars" in which I get a "striping" from Detective Superintendent Barlow and Lulu gets her head kicked in by PC Fancy Smith :(

(dons steel toe-capped flippers and Jeff Bridges mask before pumping knees up and down rhythmically)
Seahunt boys we are 'ere woah oh woah oh
Seahunt boys we are 'ere woah oh woah oh
Seahunt boys we are 'ere
Sink your dinghies and drink your beer woah oooooooh

[oily oaf]

Usefull bonuses derived from being a heavy smoker. Part 1:

Yesterday lunchtime I managed to lure a doormouse into an empty Swan Vesta "The Smoker's Match" box by first placing inside it a tiny hardcore grumble mag featuring field mice in the nude. I then burnt the fluffy little wretch face down with an oxy/acetylene cutting torch and by so doing I gained valuable training for when my apprentice next tries to borrow any of my tools.
Not only did it seem like the most natural thing in the world but it was also what he woul have wanted.
Can anyone beat that?

Next week:
How I used my "large cigarette" hand rolling machine to slowly crush the life out of a baby gibbon :monkee:

[Bezza]

I saw the title of this thread and thought you were making disparaging remarks about my babe Lily! Fortunately for you Oily, I was mistaken... ;)

[LeonBrooke]

Actually, I might mean Seaquest DSV.
I'm all confused now .... :s

If you mean Jonathan Brandis, he committed suicide...