Relationship advice

[The Black Knight]

Hi Guys,

I was going out with a girl for a couple of years until 7 weeks ago.

8 weeks later now and I'm feeling much better about it but I bumped into this girl I used to work with, mainly conversed via email, in my former place of work about two weeks ago. I said to her we should meet up for a drink some time. Before I knew it her and I were sending SMS and we met up last Saturday night and end up spending the night together. I was even over at her place for a few hours on Sunday night. I was surprised by how well we hit it off and we both admitted there was chemistry between us.

Now, here's the crux, I know in my heart that I'm still not 100% over my ex, but at the same time a gorgeous interesting girl whom I have a lot of time for has just landed into my lap. I have informed her that I am not 100% over my ex and been completely honest with her.

What would you do in this situation? I want to make sure I don't rebound and do anything stupid. It's very rare I look for advice from people on an internet forum, but I honestly feel only people with no relationship to either parties can provide an objective view point on this.

TBK.

[EuroTroll]

What would you do in this situation?

Keep doing what you're doing, i.e. being honest about your ex-situation and exploring this new relationship. :up:

Oh, and don't rebound or do anything stupid. :laugh:

[gadjo_dilo]

I can't give advice as I'm just not good at handling relationships. :(

[The Black Knight]

Keep doing what you're doing, i.e. being honest about your ex-situation and exploring this new relationship. :up:

Oh, and don't rebound or do anything stupid. :laugh:

I won't do anything stupid :p It's the rebound part I'm concerned about! ;)

[EuroTroll]

I won't do anything stupid :p It's the rebound part I'm concerned about! ;)

Well, rebounding would be stupid. Don't do it! :) Mind over matter, etc. :cheese:

[The Black Knight]

Well, rebounding would be stupid. Don't do it! :) Mind over matter, etc. :cheese:

Good point ;)

I probably should mention that she is only out of a ten year relationship with 8 months. Enough time to get over 10 years? Probably not! :)

[Rudy Tamasz]

I won't provide an advice, but I will share some experience. I met with my ex six years after we had broken up. At the first meeting we started talking to each other again. At the second one we chatted like best friends, and I won't tell you what happened at the third meeting or should I say a date. ;) Fine, but our fourth encounter came to the same arguing and mutual accusations that had sunk our relationship years ago. That was that and our relationship never recovered again. My conclusion was that if I broke up with somebody, that was for a reason. If I try to renew a romantic relationship, same problems are likely to surface yet again.

[EuroTroll]

My conclusion was that if I broke up with somebody, that was for a reason. If I try to renew a romantic relationship, same problems are likely to surface yet again.

My thoughts exactly! :up:

[The Black Knight]

I won't provide an advice, but I will share some experience. I met with my ex six years after we had broken up. At the first meeting we started talking to each other again. At the second one we chatted like best friends, and I won't tell you what happened at the third meeting or should I say a date. ;) Fine, but our fourth encounter came to the same arguing and mutual accusations that had sunk our relationship years ago. That was that and our relationship never recovered again. My conclusion was that if I broke up with somebody, that was for a reason. If I try to renew a romantic relationship, same problems are likely to surface yet again.

I agree with that. If it's over, it's over and I'm definitely not getting back with my ex. This isn't a renewal though. This girl is brand new.

[henners88]

Interesting situation and congratulations for finding a nice girl :)

*Agony Aunt bit*
My advice would be to take things slowly for now. Enjoy each others company but don't go jumping in two footed and decide to move in with each other just yet. How old are you mate if you don't mind me asking? She sounds like a lovely girl and you should be as honest as you can without making her feel she can't quite live up to your ex. These things take time and soon enough your life will revolve around her rather than thinking about the past. Time is a healer after all. ;)

Make sure you both have your own space on nights throughout the week so its more exciting when you are together. You probably also don't need to be told this but wrap it up for now as you don't want extra pressure too early on lol. I say that because a dear friend of mine who is also 30 and should know better got a girl pregnant within the first 2 months of their relationship. Forced them to move in too soon and they've had quite a testing first year. Just be cool, honest and enjoy the honeymoon period. :up: :)

[The Black Knight]

Interesting situation and congratulations for finding a nice girl :)

*Agony Aunt bit*
My advice would be to take things slowly for now. Enjoy each others company but don't go jumping in two footed and decide to move in with each other just yet. How old are you mate if you don't mind me asking? She sounds like a lovely girl and you should be as honest as you can without making her feel she can't quite live up to your ex. These things take time and soon enough your life will revolve around her rather than thinking about the past. Time is a healer after all. ;)

Make sure you both have your own space on nights throughout the week so its more exciting when you are together. You probably also don't need to be told this but wrap it up for now as you don't want extra pressure too early on lol. I say that because a dear friend of mine who is also 30 and should know better got a girl pregnant within the first 2 months of their relationship. Forced them to move in too soon and they've had quite a testing first year. Just be cool, honest and enjoy the honeymoon period. :up: :)

Thanks man. I'm 31, nearly 32. My word, seems only like yesterday I was answering that question and I was 23 ;)

I'm totally on board with everything you said there. We were in a lot of contact there between Saturday and Monday so I toned it down over the last two days, just because I don't want to be jumping into anything. She seemed to tone it down at the same time as well which was a good thing so I feel we both have a good balance of where things are at. She's away for the week now and next week I'm going to London for a few days then to Israel a few weeks later, so we'll have plenty of time apart and not be in each others pockets by any means. I guess I'm concerned that I'm getting into something to soon.

And, yes, I always wrap up, haha.

PS: My original post should have said my ex and I broke up 7 weeks ago not 7 months. Too late for me to edit it now though. D'oh!

[henners88]

Well it sounds to me like you are going at a sensible pace to be honest. I'm sure you'll be dying to see each other by the end of this week and then when you come back from London and then Israel. The question of whether you are moving on too soon is only really something you can answer. Has your ex moved on yet? As has been said above there would have been a reason why you split and 7 months seems like a decent amount of time to think about the next stage of your life IMO. What you don't want is too let things cool down with this girl and then she finds someone else and you then have the regret you didn't seize the opportunity when you had her interest. I've been there and done that and that can hurt too. There's nothing worse than craving a bit of female company and then not having it. :) I'd just enjoy yourself and mention you don't want to rush things just yet. She might feel exactly the same way and doubt she's looking at wedding dresses on the sly lol. I know a lot of people our age are settling down, getting married and thinking about kids. Myself and most of my friends are in that position right now. Not saying time is running out or anything, don't panic! But you don't want to be regretting things a few years down the line. :)

[henners88]

PS: My original post should have said my ex and I broke up 7 weeks ago not 7 months. Too late for me to edit it now though. D'oh!
Ahhh. I can see why you might think things are being rushed. How long had you been seeing each other?

Oops just read a couple of years! I'm mis-reading things now lol.

[The Black Knight]

Well it sounds to me like you are going at a sensible pace to be honest. I'm sure you'll be dying to see each other by the end of this week and then when you come back from London and then Israel. The question of whether you are moving on too soon is only really something you can answer. Has your ex moved on yet? As has been said above there would have been a reason why you split and 7 months seems like a decent amount of time to think about the next stage of your life IMO. What you don't want is too let things cool down with this girl and then she finds someone else and you then have the regret you didn't seize the opportunity when you had her interest. I've been there and done that and that can hurt too. There's nothing worse than craving a bit of female company and then not having it. I'd just enjoy yourself and mention you don't want to rush things just yet. She might feel exactly the same way and doubt she's looking at wedding dresses on the sly lol. I know a lot of people our age are settling down, getting married and thinking about kids. Myself and most of my friends are in that position right now. Not saying time is running out or anything, don't panic! But you don't want to be regretting things a few years down the line.


Actually it is 8 weeks ago today that we broke up. We were going out for two years broke up just before the second anniversary. I have no idea what my ex is doing. I'm not going to contact her, nor do I wish for any contact. She went into a "depression" and that's basically what caused the end of our relationship. I still don't fully understand what went on to be honest, but I have accepted that it is over and that I'll never find answers to those questions. I don't bear her any ill feeling which is important for me so as I don't carry that into my next relationship.


I'm dying to see her, the new girl, now but I know it's better to wait for the weekend, at least, and see what happens then. I have done the let them slip through my fingers thing a few times as well and learned my lesson for that. I feel I've struck a good balance thus far. I'm not bothered about settling down, especially since the thought of having kids has never been high on my list of priorities but that doesn't mean I'm going to mess up a good opportunity either! :)


Marriage for you soon mate? :)

[Tazio]

And, yes, I always wrap up.


Glad to hear you have the good sense to laminate ;)
My advice; whatever you do don't over-analyze this relationship. If someone gets hurt that is the breaks of the game. Be honest, and generous, but above all remain true to yourself.
Oh yea if it’s not too late try not to spill your entire guts to her until you have a serious commitment. There is strength in mystery. :cool:

[EuroTroll]

Oh yea if it’s not too late try not to spill your entire guts to her until you have a serious commitment. There is strength in mystery. :cool:

That's certainly true, too. :up: Like Humphrey Appleby, never answer a question that hasn't been asked. :D

[henners88]

Actually it is 8 weeks ago today that we broke up. We were going out for two years broke up just before the second anniversary. I have no idea what my ex is doing. I'm not going to contact her, nor do I wish for any contact. She went into a "depression" and that's basically what caused the end of our relationship. I still don't fully understand what went on to be honest, but I have accepted that it is over and that I'll never find answers to those questions. I don't bear her any ill feeling which is important for me so as I don't carry that into my next relationship.
Sorry to hear things ended up like that. My brother was in a similar position with a girl who developed depression and he ended the relationship after trying everything to help his girlfriend through it. She went from a gorgeous, life and soul of the party sort of girl, to a girl who got home every night and ate until she was sick. She put on so much weight and wouldn't accept help from anybody. Sad as the family loved her. They've both moved on, but my brother moved on a lot quicker than her obviously.


I'm dying to see her, the new girl, now but I know it's better to wait for the weekend, at least, and see what happens then. I have done the let them slip through my fingers thing a few times as well and learned my lesson for that. I feel I've struck a good balance thus far. I'm not bothered about settling down, especially since the thought of having kids has never been high on my list of priorities but that doesn't mean I'm going to mess up a good opportunity either!
Well I think you are doing everything right so far. Sounds like you are both on the same page and things will move naturally. In my experience most women get to a certain age where they start to demand babies. Not that you need to worry about that yet but it will most likely come lol. Just enjoy it and go with the flow :)


Marriage for you soon mate? :)

I've been with my partner for 9 years and we got married in 2010. Children to follow very soon hopefully :)

[airshifter]

I would say for one keep the honesty factor on the table, and you've done a good job at that. Make sure both of you talk things through and are aware of what the other is dealing with and expects.

But at the same time, slow things enough to make sure you are doing the right thing. If you are still thinking about the anniversary with your ex there is something lingering... it's up to you to figure out what it is.

I'd also say think of your new relationship in friend terms. If you don't think you could be good long term friends that help each other, share, hang out, etc., then most likely the physical attractions won't overcome that. In short, few people will have a "booty call" that lasts for decades. But friendships can, as well as long term relationships.

[gadjo_dilo]

In my experience most women get to a certain age where they start to demand babies.

????!!!!?!???!!!!!!

[Malbec]

My conclusion was that if I broke up with somebody, that was for a reason. If I try to renew a romantic relationship, same problems are likely to surface yet again.

That depends on the situation I think.

It may well be that you've both had time to mature, she's been able to sort out some of her charming idiosyncrasies while you've been able to iron out some of your deep seated personality flaws. If you haven't also lost what made you a good partnership in the first place things could be very different and better the second time around.

[henners88]

That depends on the situation I think.

It may well be that you've both had time to mature, she's been able to sort out some of her charming idiosyncrasies while you've been able to iron out some of your deep seated personality flaws. If you haven't also lost what made you a good partnership in the first place things could be very different and better the second time around.
In this case they only split up 8 weeks ago so I think if they were going to get back together it needs a longer period of time. Plus his ex suffered badly from depression and that takes time and treatment. I think the Knight is going in the right direction from an outsiders perspective. Sometimes change is good and a bad relationship can make you realise what you want in the long term. His new squeeze sounds nice and it sounds like he is enjoying something new.

[EuroTroll]

That depends on the situation I think.

It may well be that you've both had time to mature, she's been able to sort out some of her charming idiosyncrasies while you've been able to iron out some of your deep seated personality flaws. If you haven't also lost what made you a good partnership in the first place things could be very different and better the second time around.

Have you ever seen that happen, though? I certainly haven't. What I've seen and experienced is exactly what Rudy described: the same old problems resurfacing after the initial 'honeymoon'.

I think people don't change in the essentials, or change very-very slowly. If you've tried it with someone and it hasn't worked, there's no point in trying it again for at least 5 years, in my opinion, and very little point in trying after that.

Plenty more fish in the sea. ;)

[D-Type]

The second girl is not an ex- so none of the problems of rebuilding a relationship with an ex-are around. Plainly and simply, you and the 2nd girl are both on the rebound. You've both been honest about your former relationships so there's no problem there. Enjoy each other's company, get to know each other slowly, and then decide if you have the makings of a long term relationship.

But, I do wonder, are you feeling pangs of guilt because you feel you treated girl no 1 badly by ditching her when she was suffering from depression rather than trying to help her through it? Is that the real issue?

[Jag_Warrior]

Hi Guys,

I was going out with a girl for a couple of years until 7 months ago.

8 weeks later now and I'm feeling much better about it but I bumped into this girl I used to work with, mainly conversed via email, in my former place of work about two weeks ago. I said to her we should meet up for a drink some time. Before I knew it her and I were sending SMS and we met up last Saturday night and end up spending the night together. I was even over at her place for a few hours on Sunday night. I was surprised by how well we hit it off and we both admitted there was chemistry between us.

Now, here's the crux, I know in my heart that I'm still not 100% over my ex, but at the same time a gorgeous interesting girl whom I have a lot of time for has just landed into my lap. I have informed her that I am not 100% over my ex and been completely honest with her.

What would you do in this situation? I want to make sure I don't rebound and do anything stupid. It's very rare I look for advice from people on an internet forum, but I honestly feel only people with no relationship to either parties can provide an objective view point on this.

TBK.

Point #1: Never take relationship advice from me. I am a relationship serial killer. Six months is a "long term relationship" for me - though my current one is approaching three years.

Point #2: If you're not involved in a committed relationship and a girl lands in your lap (literally or figuratively), then I say, just go with it for as long as it lasts. There's no sin in just having fun and enjoying each other's company - as long as both parties are honest about what the real deal is.

Point #3: Whether in love, life or business, learn from the past (positive or negative experiences) but do NOT dwell on it. Do NOT try to relive it or beat yourself up about what went wrong or whose fault it was.

Point #4: Refer back to Point #1.



What would I do in this situation? Have lots of fun and be honest (especially with myself). But then again, remember Point #1.

[Malbec]

Have you ever seen that happen, though? I certainly haven't.


I have actually amongst some of my friends. Obviously I've also seen exactly the opposite happen. I don't think I'm alone in seeing an ex years after and wondering what on earth I'd been thinking wasting time on them all those years before (and I'm sure some have felt the same about me).

On balance though I agree with you, I personally wouldn't want to go over old ground again and I'd want to find someone completely fresh.

[gloomyDAY]

I need pictures of said girl before I divulge any advice!

[The Black Knight]

Sorry to hear things ended up like that. My brother was in a similar position with a girl who developed depression and he ended the relationship after trying everything to help his girlfriend through it. She went from a gorgeous, life and soul of the party sort of girl, to a girl who got home every night and ate until she was sick. She put on so much weight and wouldn't accept help from anybody. Sad as the family loved her. They've both moved on, but my brother moved on a lot quicker than her obviously.

Yep, I tried everything to get her through it as well but she kept pushing me away. I had no choice but to break up with her and in the end that's what she wanted as well so it has worked out the best for both of us I think.


Well I think you are doing everything right so far. Sounds like you are both on the same page and things will move naturally. In my experience most women get to a certain age where they start to demand babies. Not that you need to worry about that yet but it will most likely come lol. Just enjoy it and go with the flow :)

Haha, I don't want to even think about the baby thing. This is too new. But I do admit alright that a lot of women want babies around this age alright if they haven't had them already.


I've been with my partner for 9 years and we got married in 2010. Children to follow very soon hopefully :)

Congrats man! Glad to hear that's going well for you. 9 years is a long time. Hope the kids are healthy and come soon! :)

[Garry Walker]

I need pictures of said girl before I divulge any advice!

Also of the ex. If pics are not provided, a description is not a great solution, but at least better than nothing :D

[EuroTroll]

I need pictures of said girl before I divulge any advice!

Give the man what he wants, TBK. ;) Gloomy is the master and his advice is worth having. :devil:

[The Black Knight]

In this case they only split up 8 weeks ago so I think if they were going to get back together it needs a longer period of time. Plus his ex suffered badly from depression and that takes time and treatment. I think the Knight is going in the right direction from an outsiders perspective. Sometimes change is good and a bad relationship can make you realise what you want in the long term. His new squeeze sounds nice and it sounds like he is enjoying something new.


I am totally enjoying it. Plus this girl seems to be on the same page as me from what she expects i.e. openness and honesty. My ex used to bring up the past all the time if ever there was a situation where we needed to talk about something. It wrecked my head. Whereas the new squeeze said she was in a similar situation with her ex where he used to bring up the past and she'd have forgotten about it. Anyway, I like a person that can forgive and forget. It's also very rare in a female. To be honest, when she said that to me it was the first time I actually considered it might go somewhere.





The second girl is not an ex- so none of the problems of rebuilding a relationship with an ex-are around. Plainly and simply, you and the 2nd girl are both on the rebound. You've both been honest about your former relationships so there's no problem there. Enjoy each other's company, get to know each other slowly, and then decide if you have the makings of a long term relationship.


But, I do wonder, are you feeling pangs of guilt because you feel you treated girl no 1 badly by ditching her when she was suffering from depression rather than trying to help her through it? Is that the real issue?


Not at all. I tried my best but she kept pushing me away. I feel no guilt whatsoever in having broken up with her. It was ultimately her fault and I did my very best. It's probably the first relationship I've come out of with no regret about the way I behaved.


As for the rebound, I hadn't planned on seeing anyone for a long time but this just happened without me even intending it. I had one or two one nighters over the last two months which I could have pursued but didn't because I knew I'd just be using them to get over my ex. This is different though, I actually like this girl.

[The Black Knight]

I need pictures of said girl before I divulge any advice!


Also of the ex. If pics are not provided, a description is not a great solution, but at least better than nothing :D

Pics aren't going to happen guys sorry lol

My ex was a brunette, about 5"6, athletic body and smoking hot.

New girl about 5"9, athletic and more naturally beautiful than my ex. My ex spent a lot of time dolling herself up before a night out with fake tan and rubbish like that. This girl doesn't need to do that.

[Jag_Warrior]

Haha, I don't want to even think about the baby thing. This is too new. But I do admit alright that a lot of women want babies around this age alright if they haven't had them already.

My girl is turning 40 this year. When the exhaust was broken in my car last summer, I could hear her biological clock ticking over the roar of the V8. When we are with her friends who have kids, she'll pick up a baby and then stare at me. But the only comfort I can offer is to give her a puppy for her birthday.

Remember Point #1.

[EuroTroll]

Pics aren't going to happen guys sorry lol

That's a pity. :devil:

Well, here's a picture of a girl.


http://amaliamanaois1.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/cac0f1f21045ba19_beauty_woman_b.jpg


Let's see if that helps! :D

[Brown, Jon Brow]

My advice, it usually lasts longer if you wear a comdom.

[wedge]

Go with the flow with the new girl else your penis will never forgive you

[Brown, Jon Brow]

My advice, it usually lasts longer if you wear a comdom.

Not sure where you wear a comdom :s

[The Black Knight]

My girl is turning 40 this year. When the exhaust was broken in my car last summer, I could hear her biological clock ticking over the roar of the V8. When we are with her friends who have kids, she'll pick up a baby and then stare at me. But the only comfort I can offer is to give her a puppy for her birthday.

Remember Point #1.

Hahaha, why no babies?

[ioan]

Point #1: Never take relationship advice from me. I am a relationship serial killer. Six months is a "long term relationship" for me - though my current one is approaching three years.

Point #2: If you're not involved in a committed relationship and a girl lands in your lap (literally or figuratively), then I say, just go with it for as long as it lasts. There's no sin in just having fun and enjoying each other's company - as long as both parties are honest about what the real deal is.

Point #3: Whether in love, life or business, learn from the past (positive or negative experiences) but do NOT dwell on it. Do NOT try to relive it or beat yourself up about what went wrong or whose fault it was.

Point #4: Refer back to Point #1.



What would I do in this situation? Have lots of fun and be honest (especially with myself). But then again, remember Point #1.

Sound advice!

[ioan]

I need pictures of said girl before I divulge any advice!


Also of the ex. If pics are not provided, a description is not a great solution, but at least better than nothing :D

I subscribe to these opinions.

[ioan]

Is there any specific reason why you need an advice?
Seriously, is it so difficult to decide what to do after what you already did?

My advice to everyone: carpe diem.
In life you should take everything good that comes your way, otherwise you'll end up regretting it for a life time.

[Garry Walker]

My advice to everyone: carpe diem.
In life you should take everything good that comes your way, otherwise you'll end up regretting it for a life time.

Give the man an award.
7 months is far enough time to get over a relationship and stop being sad about it.

[henners88]

Give the man an award.
7 months is far enough time to get over a relationship and stop being sad about it.
Its 7 weeks, he corrected himself later on in the thread.

[The Black Knight]

Its 7 weeks, he corrected himself later on in the thread.

Yes, I wrote 7 months but it was meant to be 7 weeks. Couldn't edit my original post then by the time I realized it! :)

[Jag_Warrior]

Hahaha, why no babies?

I like babies... as long as they belong to other people. If she wants to rent one for the weekend, I'd be cool with that. But come Sunday evening, it has to go back to the store!

There was a time when I wanted a family and kids. But that time has passed and at this stage of my life, I don't see it working for me. But I was honest with my girl when we first got together. I have no intention of getting married. And I have no intention of having kids. If that's something that is important to her, she needs to find someone who wants those things. But it is not me.

The one common fault that women tend to have is thinking that they can change men. And that false hope tends to lead to hard feelings sooner or later. Best to just accept people as they are, IMO.

[The Black Knight]

I like babies... as long as they belong to other people. If she wants to rent one for the weekend, I'd be cool with that. But come Sunday evening, it has to go back to the store!

There was a time when I wanted a family and kids. But that time has passed and at this stage of my life, I don't see it working for me. But I was honest with my girl when we first got together. I have no intention of getting married. And I have no intention of having kids. If that's something that is important to her, she needs to find someone who wants those things. But it is not me.

The one common fault that women tend to have is thinking that they can change men. And that false hope tends to lead to hard feelings sooner or later. Best to just accept people as they are, IMO.

I hear you man. So many women I have been with think they can "change" you. If they weren't happy with you in the first place they should never have gotten involved in the relationship. Wimmin!

[henners88]

I like babies... as long as they belong to other people. If she wants to rent one for the weekend, I'd be cool with that. But come Sunday evening, it has to go back to the store!

There was a time when I wanted a family and kids. But that time has passed and at this stage of my life, I don't see it working for me. But I was honest with my girl when we first got together. I have no intention of getting married. And I have no intention of having kids. If that's something that is important to her, she needs to find someone who wants those things. But it is not me.

The one common fault that women tend to have is thinking that they can change men. And that false hope tends to lead to hard feelings sooner or later. Best to just accept people as they are, IMO.
I think we all have experience of women who think they can change their man. My wife has spent years trying to change certain things about me but it hasn't worked. The best thing to do is make them think they are winning (for the easy life), but in fact you have all the cards.

I hope your good lady feels the same as you Jag because resentment if it exists comes to the surface one day, especially if one person wanted kids but the other didn't. For some people having children is not on their radar. I have a few male and female friends who are much the same as they were 10 years ago when we were at University. Still living the single life with live-in partners and don't get the marriage, having children thing, but have fun in different ways. I also have a large group of friends who all seem to have had children in the last 18 months. I think we have 7 children among the lot of us at the various get-together's we have and they are all new-ish babies. My wife is desperate to join them lol. Seems to be something about that 30 mark where some of us have the urge that we need to appear more grown up maybe? Up until about 3 years ago the thought of having children terrified me, but the desire to produce a little person that has characteristics of myself and my wife is now very much wanted. I think in any relationship if one person wants children but the other doesn't, its never going to be something that can be forgotten.

Sorry a bit deep there for the Knight, you're nowhere near that yet pal :p :)

[Firstgear]

I hear you man. So many women I have been with think they can "change" you.
And the flip side of that would be that guys expect their girl to stay the same, and are just as disappointed.
My advice - Do what you think is right. Sounds simple, but the path of least resistance is often what you know is not best for you, or those around you. So do what is right, and your concience will let you sleep well.

[The Black Knight]

Thanks for all the advice guys. Seems like I'm on ye right path thus far. Meeting her tonight so shall take it all slow... Even in the bedroom ha! :p

[ioan]

Meeting her tonight so shall take it all slow... Even in the bedroom ha! :p

Rule No. 1:

You should never be fast in the bedroom.

[tfp]

Rule No. 1:

You should never be fast in the bedroom.

Unless youre a women ;)

[ioan]

Unless youre a women ;)

And even then only if she can do it several times in a row. No fakes accepted.

[gadjo_dilo]

The one common fault that women tend to have is thinking that they can change men. And that false hope tends to lead to hard feelings sooner or later. Best to just accept people as they are, IMO.
Don't be so sure. You probably haven't met a real one. Yet. :laugh:

[gadjo_dilo]

Great thread! And a good lesson for the future. It was really interesting to find out how guys treat the "corazón" issues. :devil:

[henners88]

I'm yet to meet a woman who doesn't think they can change their man over a period of time. Its a common topic of conversation amongst men, but I suppose in most cases we do need changing a little. I said earlier that my wife had failed to change me in any way but on reflection you realise its the subtle things. I think in a lot of cases men will bite their tongue and do things they don't necessarily enjoy because their woman can withhold certain duties that us men can't do without lol. In some ways we are complete saps, but there are also instances where we win the psychological game even if our good ladies don't know anything about it. ;)

[EuroTroll]

I think in a lot of cases men will bite their tongue and do things they don't necessarily enjoy because their woman can withhold certain duties that us men can't do without lol.

What, the ironing? :p

[henners88]

What, the ironing? :p
No I cook and wash up everyday. My wife goes into melt down if you ask her to cook something lol

I enjoy cooking so she does all the washing and ironing. I think I have the better deal. I wouldn't tell her that though or she'd be on a cookery course pretty sharpish ;)

[gadjo_dilo]

No I cook and wash up everyday. ;)
You're a treasure at one's house....


My wife goes into melt down if you ask her to cook something lol
She already won my symphaty.



I enjoy cooking so she does all the washing and ironing. I think I have the better deal. I wouldn't tell her that though or she'd be on a cookery course pretty sharpish ;)
Nah... You're still under her slipper, remember?

[henners88]

Nah... You're still under her slipper, remember?
Nah, the slipper falls off her thumb before it even touches me.

[airshifter]

I'm yet to meet a woman who doesn't think they can change their man over a period of time. Its a common topic of conversation amongst men, but I suppose in most cases we do need changing a little. I said earlier that my wife had failed to change me in any way but on reflection you realise its the subtle things. I think in a lot of cases men will bite their tongue and do things they don't necessarily enjoy because their woman can withhold certain duties that us men can't do without lol. In some ways we are complete saps, but there are also instances where we win the psychological game even if our good ladies don't know anything about it. ;)

Well we know who wears the pants in your house Henners. I'm not going to name names, but I think she is winning the overall war! :)

Long term relationships are about compromise at times, and doing things just for the sake of your mate is one way to "sacrifice" and show affection IMO.

[ioan]

Adapting to each other is always good. But changing a person who is over 16? Forget it, it's way to late.

[Garry Walker]

Its 7 weeks, he corrected himself later on in the thread.
Well, who cares if it is 7 weeks or months? He should bang her like the world would end tomorrow. You only live once.


Rule No. 1:

You should never be fast in the bedroom.
Unless her dad is coming upstairs.

[henners88]

That's just brought back a very bad memory!

[Garry Walker]

That's just brought back a very bad memory!
Yeah, to me too!

[The Black Knight]

Yeah, to me too!
Me three!

[Garry Walker]

Well, it seems we made a huge amount of dads quite unhappy (and their daughters happy, hopefully :D ).

[Brown, Jon Brow]

This happened to me yesterday, except it was the neighbours car that had just pulled up outside, not the parents. The parents didn't show up for 3 hours, which were effectively wasted from a bedroom point of view. At least I got some food made for me in that time though :p

[SGWilko]

This happened to me yesterday, except it was the neighbours car that had just pulled up outside, not the parents. The parents didn't show up for 3 hours, which were effectively wasted from a bedroom point of view. At least I got some food made for me in that time though :p

Ah, but the 'quickie' generally tends to be far more intense due to the adrenalin and excitement/fear! Beats foreplay any day of the week!

[Mintexmemory]

I see this has degenerated from relationship advice to willy waving :rolleyes:

Careful now !! (Father Dougal McGuire)

[henners88]

Well, it seems we made a huge amount of dads quite unhappy (and their daughters happy, hopefully :D ).
Meeting my girlfriends mother for the first time one afternoon during Sixth Form college in not the most decent circumstances was traumatic I can tell you. Don't worry mum wont be home early, she works until 5...Yeah right!! I won't go into details as its a family forum lol :)

[henners88]

How's it going knight old chum? You'll have to keep us posted on your slowly but steady blossoming romance :)

[gadjo_dilo]

How's it going knight old chum? You'll have to keep us posted on your slowly but steady blossoming romance :)

Henners, it's not nice to be so indiscreet....

[henners88]

Henners, it's not nice to be so indiscreet....
I'm sure he'll inform us if things are going to plan and hopefully his feelings will have changed a little with more time spent with her. I don't see anything nasty about that?

[donKey jote]

Meeting my girlfriends mother for the first time one afternoon during Sixth Form college in not the most decent circumstances was traumatic I can tell you. Don't worry mum wont be home early, she works until 5...Yeah right!! I won't go into details as its a family forum lol :)

haha, reminds me of a "leg it" moment at a girlfriend's flat one morning when her dad rang the buzzer. I spent a good hour in a cold staircase a couple of floors up :laugh:

[donKey jote]

Unless her dad is coming upstairs.

yep :laugh:

[donKey jote]

Well we know who wears the pants in your house Henners. I'm not going to name names, but I think she is winning the overall war! :)

one last question just to be sure: who cleans the toilets? :andrea:

[The Black Knight]

How's it going knight old chum? You'll have to keep us posted on your slowly but steady blossoming romance :)

Hey henners, not further update to report. We haven't managed to meet yet. She got sick the weekend so it didn't happen. We're meeting tonight. I shall post a progress report in the morning ;)

[henners88]

one last question just to be sure: who cleans the toilets? :andrea:
She does, my stomach is too weak for that. :D

[ioan]

Meeting my girlfriends mother for the first time one afternoon during Sixth Form college in not the most decent circumstances was traumatic I can tell you. Don't worry mum wont be home early, she works until 5...Yeah right!! I won't go into details as its a family forum lol :)

:D Same here. Never been caught by fathers though.

[schmenke]

Meeting my girlfriends mother for the first time one afternoon during Sixth Form college in not the most decent circumstances was traumatic I can tell you. Don't worry mum wont be home early, she works until 5...Yeah right!! I won't go into details as its a family forum lol :)

:laugh:

You must have been scared stiff.

[SGWilko]

:laugh:

You must have been scared stiff.

You missed out an 'and'...... ;)

[SGWilko]

She does, my stomach is too weak for that. :D

Strewth, what goes on in your loo then to be that bad???? ;)

[donKey jote]

I just cleaned our toilets, at the request of 'er upstairs :dozey:

[SGWilko]

I just cleaned our toilets, at the request of 'er upstairs :dozey:

Make sure to take some headache pills to bed then tonight to fend off the excuses........... ;)

[SGWilko]

I just cleaned our toilets, at the request of 'er upstairs :dozey:

I clean the bathroom and toilet and bathroom in our gaff as I am a bit OCD when it comes to cleaning.

Generally, first thing I do when we go on holiday is clean the bath and loo......

[donKey jote]

I only clean the bath when I get in it...

[SGWilko]

I only clean the bath when I get in it...

Nice! :p

[henners88]

Strewth, what goes on in your loo then to be that bad???? ;)
lol they never get bad, its just the thought! Our new house we are buying has two bathrooms upstairs and a toilet downstairs. Its not a big house by any means but seems to have 3 of the buggers! I won't be cleaning any of those I can tell you :D

[The Black Knight]

Update: We went to cinema. Collected her, smell of drink off her, didn't mind that. She started falling asleep during cinema. ****e movie, even made me sleepy, A good day to Die Hard. Dropped her back straight after. Kissed her good night and went home. Sent her a text today with a picture relevant to something she put on Facebook and got "That's funny. Thanks." back.

Beginning to think she may be in a worse place than I suspected originally. Thoughts?

[donKey jote]

dump her.. next ! :)

[EuroTroll]

dump her.. next ! :)

Have you thought about working as an agony donKey? :D

TBK, I say never mind. ;) We all have a day off once in a while. :erm:

[The Black Knight]

Have you thought about working as an agony donKey? :D

TBK, I say never mind. ;) We all have a day off once in a while. :erm:

Don't know man. I'm not getting good vibes. I'm off to London for the weekend anyway, so rock and roll!

I might miss the season opener of the F1 actually :( Hopefully my buddy will have it on his TV... Fingers crossed!

[ioan]

You shouldn't see every women you get in bed with as a serious option for the rest of your life.
Just live the moment, now it's her, tomorrow it will be someone else.

[donKey jote]

I'm not getting good vibes.

make sure you dump her before you shag her and make things worse !

[gadjo_dilo]

She got sick the weekend so it didn't happen.

Oh... This sounds familiar.... :laugh:

[henners88]

Don't know man. I'm not getting good vibes. I'm off to London for the weekend anyway, so rock and roll!

I might miss the season opener of the F1 actually :( Hopefully my buddy will have it on his TV... Fingers crossed!
Hmmm seems strange that she's gone a little cold on you mate. Perhaps things were moving too fast for her and she realised? My advice would be to not text her for a few days, cut the contact. When you get back just send her a friendly text but not too friendly, if you know what I mean? If she has a go at you or responds with 'where the hell have you been!?' You'll know she at least cares you haven't been in touch. You can explain then that you didn't get good vibes before you went away and see how she answers. I've never been one to chase in situations like this as games are never a good start to a relationship IMO. I hope you sort it out mate and perhaps you've read things wrong, but also hope she hasn't had her fun with you and decided to cool things down. I think the worse thing in this situation is the fact you're missing the season opener this weekend!! Just kidding :p

Enjoy the weekend anyway, and have fun knowing you haven't really started anything serious here yet. ;)

[gadjo_dilo]

Hmmm seems strange that she's gone a little cold on you mate.
Not strange at all. Of course she's got cold when he took her to a cinema and let her fall asleep. She definitely had other expectations. :devil:

[SGWilko]

I'm off to London for the weekend anyway, so rock and roll!


Wrap up warm, it's a bit parky here right now!

[SGWilko]

'where the hell have you been!?'

:eek: Bunny boiler alert!

[airshifter]

Oh... This sounds familiar.... :laugh:

I'm still trying to figure out where women learn all these tactics they have. I'm sure they learn it at grade school level, and it seems to be a subject with lengthy procedures involved. I just never understood how the sneak all the women out of class without the boys knowing it. :)

If you can interpret her actions into man friendly language, TBK might have a better idea of his next step. I'm sure there is some secret law that would scorn you as a woman if you did so though!

[The Black Knight]

You shouldn't see every women you get in bed with as a serious option for the rest of your life.
Just live the moment, now it's her, tomorrow it will be someone else.


Believe me I don't but I've always liked her since we worked together so it was a different situation to the norm.



make sure you dump her before you shag her and make things worse !


I'd probably feel better if I got the leg over to be honest ;)



Hmmm seems strange that she's gone a little cold on you mate. Perhaps things were moving too fast for her and she realised? My advice would be to not text her for a few days, cut the contact. When you get back just send her a friendly text but not too friendly, if you know what I mean? If she has a go at you or responds with 'where the hell have you been!?' You'll know she at least cares you haven't been in touch. You can explain then that you didn't get good vibes before you went away and see how she answers. I've never been one to chase in situations like this as games are never a good start to a relationship IMO. I hope you sort it out mate and perhaps you've read things wrong, but also hope she hasn't had her fun with you and decided to cool things down. I think the worse thing in this situation is the fact you're missing the season opener this weekend!! Just kidding


Enjoy the weekend anyway, and have fun knowing you haven't really started anything serious here yet.


Thanks Henners. That was what I think thinking myself. I don't get women like this. I've been in this situation before and normally I'd have just said good luck but, as you know, I've known her for a few years.


Anyway, I'm going to take this advice and not contact her until next week. Next move is on her, if I receive nothing, I'll have to meet her again anyway to get a DVD I loaned her and after that it's good luck!


I am going to try my best to see the season opener. Worst comes to worst I'll have to catch the replay on the Sunday evening. I just hope I haven't heard the results by then on the radio or something :p



Not strange at all. Of course she's got cold when he took her to a cinema and let her fall asleep. She definitely had other expectations.


She the one who wanted to go to the cinema. I didn't want to go there. Diabolical movie.



I'm still trying to figure out where women learn all these tactics they have. I'm sure they learn it at grade school level, and it seems to be a subject with lengthy procedures involved. I just never understood how the sneak all the women out of class without the boys knowing it.


If you can interpret her actions into man friendly language, TBK might have a better idea of his next step. I'm sure there is some secret law that would scorn you as a woman if you did so though!


A conversion tool? Great idea! :D It's not the first time I've experienced this kind of behavior from women. They act like this and call men *******s afterwards. Hmmmmm :p

[gadjo_dilo]

I'm still trying to figure out where women learn all these tactics they have. I'm sure they learn it at grade school level, and it seems to be a subject with lengthy procedures involved. I just never understood how the sneak all the women out of class without the boys knowing it. :)

If you can interpret her actions into man friendly language, TBK might have a better idea of his next step. I'm sure there is some secret law that would scorn you as a woman if you did so though!

Come on....What better excuse when you don't want to go out than saying you're sick...Maybe TBK's Dulcineea also asked some advice on a forum and some old foxes learnt her it's not good to be so approachable from the beginning. :laugh:

Talking about women tactics, none of us can beat our pal Henners when it comes to wooing a girl. :devil:

BTW, have anybody noticed that the poor girl had to have a drink before meeting him? Maybe she needed it for courage. :devil:

[gadjo_dilo]

She the one who wanted to go to the cinema. I didn't want to go there. Diabolical movie.

Ha! Maybe she wanted you to take advantage of the darkness. And you? Left her to fall asleep....

May I ask what film have you seen? I bet it was a great one.

[The Black Knight]

Ha! Maybe she wanted you to take advantage of the darkness. And you? Left her to fall asleep....

May I ask what film have you seen? I bet it was a great one.

A good day to die hard. Awful.

[The Black Knight]

Come on....What better excuse when you don't want to go out than saying you're sick...Maybe TBK's Dulcineea also asked some advice on a forum and some old foxes learnt her it's not good to be so approachable from the beginning. :laugh:

Talking about women tactics, none of us can beat our pal Henners when it comes to wooing a girl. :devil:

BTW, have anybody noticed that the poor girl had to have a drink before meeting him? Maybe she needed it for courage. :devil:

I get the impression you haven't read the entire thread correctly.

[gadjo_dilo]

A good day to die hard. Awful.
Good god! Haven't you seen the posters at the entrance?
Pictures & Photos from Die Hard: Belle journée pour mourir - IMDb (http://www.imdb.com/media/rm4019563776/tt1606378?ref_=tt_ov_i)

Your girl is great. If I look at mr. Willis gun I suppose it made a lot of noise. Still she wasn't disturbed....

[gadjo_dilo]

I get the impression you haven't read the entire thread correctly.
Possible. My poor english and my exhausted neuron use to play tricks. But I understood that on weekend you couldn't see her cos she was sick, then i said it sounds familiar as many girls would pretend this when they don't want to see smb., then airshifter was intrigued by women tactics, then I etc.etc.
Never mind....

[The Black Knight]

Possible. My poor english and my exhausted neuron use to play tricks. But I understood that on weekend you couldn't see her cos she was sick, then i said it sounds familiar as many girls would pretend this when they don't want to see smb., then airshifter was intrigued by women tactics, then I etc.etc.
Never mind....

This would be a possibility except she asked me to go, so it wouldn't really make sense :)

[donKey jote]

She definitely had other expectations. :devil:
sure... that's why she also had booze on her breath.

[gadjo_dilo]

sure... that's why she also had booze on her breath.
Hey...
Otherwise she would stay shy. :devil:

[wedge]

Thoughts?

Someone with Aspergers could have picked a better night out than watching the new Die Hard movie! :D

[henners88]

Talking about women tactics, none of us can beat our pal Henners when it comes to wooing a girl. :devil:

I don't claim to be an expert but have experience of a situation similar to this one. I've also had friends who have gone through tricky situations too.


Thanks Henners. That was what I think thinking myself. I don't get women like this. I've been in this situation before and normally I'd have just said good luck but, as you know, I've known her for a few years.

Anyway, I'm going to take this advice and not contact her until next week. Next move is on her, if I receive nothing, I'll have to meet her again anyway to get a DVD I loaned her and after that it's good luck!
Yeah good luck I'm sure you'll get your answer by next week. You obviously like her so hopefully she'll be all over you again if she thinks you've cooled things off after a few days. :)

[ioan]

Hmmm seems strange that she's gone a little cold on you mate. Perhaps things were moving too fast for her and she realised? My advice would be to not text her for a few days, cut the contact. When you get back just send her a friendly text but not too friendly, if you know what I mean? If she has a go at you or responds with 'where the hell have you been!?' You'll know she at least cares you haven't been in touch. You can explain then that you didn't get good vibes before you went away and see how she answers. I've never been one to chase in situations like this as games are never a good start to a relationship IMO. I hope you sort it out mate and perhaps you've read things wrong, but also hope she hasn't had her fun with you and decided to cool things down. I think the worse thing in this situation is the fact you're missing the season opener this weekend!! Just kidding :p

Enjoy the weekend anyway, and have fun knowing you haven't really started anything serious here yet. ;)

Agree with cutting contact for a week or so, but don't do any explanations about vibes and so, that will scare her away again as it will seem that you are getting to close sentimentally.

[ioan]

A good day to die hard. Awful.

More reason to do something else, more interesting, in the dark.

[ioan]

This would be a possibility except she asked me to go, so it wouldn't really make sense :)

Many things women do really do not make sense to men. ;)

[henners88]

Agree with cutting contact for a week or so, but don't do any explanations about vibes and so, that will scare her away again as it will seem that you are getting to close sentimentally.
Yeah you could be right not to mention about the bad vibes. Perhaps the knight should just say about giving her a bit of space but mention about doing something soon if she fancies it? Gage her reaction from that :)

[slorydn1]

Thanks man. I'm 31, nearly 32. My word, seems only like yesterday I was answering that question and I was 23 ;)

I'm totally on board with everything you said there. We were in a lot of contact there between Saturday and Monday so I toned it down over the last two days, just because I don't want to be jumping into anything. She seemed to tone it down at the same time as well which was a good thing so I feel we both have a good balance of where things are at. She's away for the week now and next week I'm going to London for a few days then to Israel a few weeks later, so we'll have plenty of time apart and not be in each others pockets by any means. I guess I'm concerned that I'm getting into something to soon.

And, yes, I always wrap up, haha.

PS: My original post should have said my ex and I broke up 7 weeks ago not 7 months. Too late for me to edit it now though. D'oh!

I fixed your "weeks/months" dilemma in your original post for you :up:

[slorydn1]

Now for the main topic. Man its been so long since I've had to worry about the dating scene I'm not sure if I even know what it's like anymore. I married my best friend 14 years ago, been with her for 16 total, and have known her for 21 years. When I first met her she was married to a guy that worked for me part time and who was a fulltime US Marine at the time.

I never gave Slorydn2 a thought back then. She was married, pregnant with her second child, and I had a few girls I was seeing then (ohhh to be 21 again) :D


He ended up getting out of the Marine Corps, and he quit working for me and they moved away.

I subsequently got a job in our local hospital in the Radiology Dept as a transporter (I would pick up the patient from their room and bring them down to Radiology for whatever procedure they were having and bring them back). I was working a double shift one day and got sent up to pediatrics to pick up a child with a very familiar sounding name. I walk in to PEDs and who do I run into? Her. It was her kid that had pneumonia. I brought him down and she came with us. While he was having his tests run we stepped outside and chatted for a while and that was that. I didn't see her again for several years.

Then one day when I was pulling duty as a volunteer EMT a gorgeous looking girl with 2 young children pops in to the building and asks for an application as she was going to school to be an EMT herself. I look up from my paperwork and its her! I handed her the application, we talked for a while and then she left. She got accepted (we ended up sponsoring her so she didn't have to pay for her certification classes) so we got to see each other, alot. I really dug her as a friend, even back in the very beginning, but that was all, and besides she was married, right? That's when she drops the bombshell on me. They were getting a divorce! Now I had been through a few bad relationships up to that point myself and I was starting to get to that point that I would never have a really solid long term relationship, and like I said before, I really dug this girl as a friend, she had helped me through some bad times before with other girls, giving me advice from a girls point of view, helping me to intepret the "language of women".
I wasn't about to screw that up, I was just going to be friends with her and that was that. It wasn't until one of the other girls in our squad cornered me one night and told me that if I didn't ask Slorydn2 out that she was going to kill me as she was tired of hearing Slo2 whine "what was wrong with her, why wouldn't I ask her out?"

SO I did. We made magic from the get-go. It didn't take me long to realize from that point on that she was the "one". Even with all that though we still had our ups and downs through the dating period, we both had "security and rebound issues" to deal with. we got through those and here we are, 16 years later here we are with 3 kids (2 of them adults now), working for the same agency (I am a 911 center supervisor and she is a Detention Officer) and we are as happy as can be-broke, but happy.

Sorry I got so long winded with my story, I just decided to throw it out there to make a point. You will know if she is the one or not, and yes, it is possible to hook up with a former friend/acquaintance and make it work. I guess the only advice I can give, which will echo what others before me have said, is to give her, no give both of you space apart from each other from time to time, and don't pressure her into anything-in fact don't feel pressured to do anything. Time will tell if both of you are right for each other and then you will know. Take it one day at a time, and most of all, have fun :up:

Now if you will excuse me I must go and give myself points for being so long winded, LOL

[The Black Knight]

I don't claim to be an expert but have experience of a situation similar to this one. I've also had friends who have gone through tricky situations too.


Yeah good luck I'm sure you'll get your answer by next week. You obviously like her so hopefully she'll be all over you again if she thinks you've cooled things off after a few days.


Thanks. We'll see what happens :) For now I'm just going to chill in London with my buddies. She's off my radar for now.



Agree with cutting contact for a week or so, but don't do any explanations about vibes and so, that will scare her away again as it will seem that you are getting to close sentimentally.


I agree with that! :)





More reason to do something else, more interesting, in the dark.




That would not have worked, tempted though as I was! :D



Yeah you could be right not to mention about the bad vibes. Perhaps the knight should just say about giving her a bit of space but mention about doing something soon if she fancies it? Gage her reaction from that


Yeah, I'm not going to mention bad vibes to her at all. That would be a bad idea. I'm happy to give space or even give her a few months to sort herself out and touch base with her then if both of us are still single and if not then that's life.


I fixed your "weeks/months" dilemma in your original post for you :up:

Thanks :)

[Garry Walker]

You shouldn't see every women you get in bed with as a serious option for the rest of your life.
Just live the moment, now it's her, tomorrow it will be someone else.Absolutely. When you are in your 20s, live for the moment (try to score as much as possible).


Many things women do really do not make sense to men. ;)

You meant "most" of course.

[race aficionado]

Any thing I can do to help.
Here is a very helpful book.
Unfortunately I only have it in Spanish.
It's called: "How to Understand Women"

Buena suerte.

http://img.tapatalk.com/d/13/03/15/azumepy7.jpg

[donKey jote]

you got hit by facebook too eh race? :p

go on, show us the manual for men :s ailor:

[race aficionado]

No can do.
I can't even understand myself.....

[donKey jote]

http://sphotos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/c0.0.403.403/p403x403/426520_10151476455622310_721040457_n.jpg

[race aficionado]

I didn't get that one on Facebook. Must be a breezy read - if you have a telescope!

[ioan]

You meant "most" of course.

I was trying to be polite! ;)

[ioan]

Agree with cutting contact for a week or so, but don't do any explanations about vibes and so, that will scare her away again as it will seem that you are getting to close sentimentally.

That would not have worked, tempted though as I was! :D


You will never know for sure cause you didn't try anything. ;)

[The Black Knight]

Final update:


Met her earlier on tonight and we had a chat. We were chatting for a few minutes and she brought it up and said that she doesn't feel "that way" anymore. She said she doesn't know why but she freaked out a little. I told her that was no problem and I felt that she wasn't ready to date from her ten year relationshp yet. She said that I was probably right because as soon as she felt anything she was like RUN!!! So that's it. So we're going to stay friends as we get along great and there's no hard feelings there on either of our parts.


Thanks to everyone for the great advice on this thread. Appreciate all your help.

[ioan]

Better luck next time! :)

PS: And remember, give girls air to feel free, let them go when they want, and if they will feel like it they will come back to you, if they don't no problem, there is enough of them anyway! ;)

[The Black Knight]

Better luck next time! :)

PS: And remember, give girls air to feel free, let them go when they want, and if they will feel like it they will come back to you, if they don't no problem, there is enough of them anyway! ;)

Agree dude. I've always been good at pulling girls for one night, never been very good at relationships but it's also very rare I meet a girl I'm interested in seeing again afterwards. I've learned a lot over the past few months though. Life is a development curve, just like an F1 car!

[slorydn1]

Agree dude. I've always been good at pulling girls for one night, never been very good at relationships but it's also very rare I meet a girl I'm interested in seeing again afterwards. I've learned a lot over the past few months though. Life is a development curve, just like an F1 car!

Amen brother, Amen to THAT

[gadjo_dilo]

Better luck next time! :)

PS: And remember, give girls air to feel free, let them go when they want, and if they will feel like it they will come back to you, if they don't no problem, there is enough of them anyway! ;)

Ioane, I've never thought you're so good in giving advice.
Next time I know who I'll ask for help. :laugh:

[gadjo_dilo]

Final update:


Met her earlier on tonight and we had a chat. We were chatting for a few minutes and she brought it up and said that she doesn't feel "that way" anymore. She said she doesn't know why but she freaked out a little. I told her that was no problem and I felt that she wasn't ready to date from her ten year relationshp yet. She said that I was probably right because as soon as she felt anything she was like RUN!!! So that's it. So we're going to stay friends as we get along great and there's no hard feelings there on either of our parts.


Thanks to everyone for the great advice on this thread. Appreciate all your help.

Grrr...Another relationship that was a big fîssss.
Looks like our specialists in dating matters should improve their receips. :devil:

[EuroTroll]

Grrr...Another relationship that was a big fîssss.
Looks like our specialists in dating matters should improve their receips. :devil:

It wasn't our fault! :devil: It was the girl's fault, as usual. ;) :p

[henners88]

Grrr...Another relationship that was a big fîssss.
Looks like our specialists in dating matters should improve their receips. :devil:
We all gave very good advice. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.

Oh well Knight you learn from things like this and you'll just be a bit wiser next time around. Get back out there have a little fun and you never know what's around the corner. You often meet the right person when you're not even looking :)

[gadjo_dilo]

It wasn't our fault! :devil: It was the girl's fault, as usual. ;) :p
With a right guidance of the Knight the girl's redoubt would have been conquered !( I was about to say the girl would have been fooled :laugh: )

[EuroTroll]

With a right guidance of the Knight the girl's redoubt would have been conquered !( I was about to say the girl would have been fooled :laugh: )

Nope. The girl just went crazy, I tells ya. :devil: :p The guidance was perfect - it could not have been better! :devil: :laugh:

[gadjo_dilo]

Nope. The girl just went crazy, I tells ya. :devil: :p The guidance was perfect - it could not have been better! :devil: :laugh:
I know when the problem started: nobody adviced the Knight about the movie he should watch with a girl. :devil:

[EuroTroll]

I know when the problem started: nobody adviced the Knight about the movie he should watch with a girl. :devil:

He didn't ask! :devil: We certainly would have told him that Die Hard was a bad idea. You don't watch action films with chicks! They fall asleep. :laugh:

[gadjo_dilo]

Wonder about your suggestion... :laugh:

(please don't say Child's pose :devil: :devil::devil :)

[EuroTroll]

Wonder about your suggestion... :laugh:

(please don't say Child's pose :devil: :devil :)

Child's pose? I don't even know what that is. :cheese:

But my suggestion would have been some romantic comedy. "Always the romantic comedy," a wise fellow once told me. "It'll be worth suffering through it, you'll see." :D

[gadjo_dilo]

Child's pose? I don't even know what that is. :cheese:

My signature?


But my suggestion would have been some romantic comedy. "Always the romantic comedy," a wise fellow once told me. "It'll be worth suffering through it, you'll see." :D
Yeah. I bet that would have made the Knight sleeping. :laugh:

[EuroTroll]

My signature?

Ah, ok! :)


Yeah. I bet that would have made the Knight sleeping. :laugh:

Maybe, and maybe not. ;) The girl's purring might have kept him awake. :D

[The Black Knight]

He didn't ask! :devil: We certainly would have told him that Die Hard was a bad idea. You don't watch action films with chicks! They fall asleep. :laugh:

No, no no. She wanted to go and see Die Hard. She loves those movies. I really didn't because I felt it would be a crap movie. It happened before then though. She just freaked out. 8 months out of a ten year relationship, she's clearly not ready yet and she admitted the same last night to me. All is well anyway. I feel I handled the situation pretty well overall.

[gadjo_dilo]

She wanted to go and see Die Hard. She loves those movies. .

That was the moment when you should have dumped her.

[EuroTroll]

No, no no. She wanted to go and see Die Hard. She loves those movies. I really didn't because I felt it would be a crap movie. It happened before then though. She just freaked out. 8 months out of a ten year relationship, she's clearly not ready yet and she admitted the same last night to me. All is well anyway. I feel I handled the situation pretty well overall.

Alright mate. We're just jesting here now, anyway. ;) Just a little post-mortem jesting. :D

I'm glad you don't have any regrets. They're the worst... :erm:

Good luck with the next one! ;) :beer:

[gadjo_dilo]

Good luck with the next one! ;) :beer:
Or go back to your old flame, be a nice guy and help her to get over depression.
( Now I am really serious ).

[henners88]

Or go back to your old flame, be a nice guy and help her to get over depression.
( Now I was really serious ).
I wouldn't advise that at all. It sounds like both parties wanted the outcome and its best to leave it in the past.

[gadjo_dilo]

I wouldn't advise that at all. It sounds like both parties wanted the outcome and its best to leave it in the past.

The romantic in me (???!!?!?) says that they don't know what they're missing....
( I'm also serious ).

[airshifter]

The romantic in me (???!!?!?) says that they don't know what they're missing....
( I'm also serious ).

I'm not sure about the romance part... only BK knows what might or might not be with his former girlfriend. But I find your advice very sound still. If nothing else she will appreciate that someone cares about her enough to help her through her dark days. And regardless of how she copes (or doesn't) with her depression he will get the satisfaction of knowing he has made an honest attempt to help a fellow human through very tough times. Helping someone in need without any other motives can be a very powerful thing.

[The Black Knight]

I'm not sure about the romance part... only BK knows what might or might not be with his former girlfriend. But I find your advice very sound still. If nothing else she will appreciate that someone cares about her enough to help her through her dark days. And regardless of how she copes (or doesn't) with her depression he will get the satisfaction of knowing he has made an honest attempt to help a fellow human through very tough times. Helping someone in need without any other motives can be a very powerful thing.

I can genuinely say that my former girlfriend and I have no hope of getting back together. I've discussed this with many people, including my own personal counselor, and the general consensus is that I have done more than enough. She's an adult and must take responsibility for herself at some point. Even without the depression there were too many issues there, all of which are things she must over come herself. I did everything I could for her. Any reach out must be done by her now, but even if she did contact me, it is definitely too late for her and I. I don't have the energy to go through all that again.

[The Black Knight]

I wouldn't advise that at all. It sounds like both parties wanted the outcome and its best to leave it in the past.

Yep, you said it. Tis in the past now. I get the feeling you're the only one, along with ioan and airshifter, that have read everything I wrote in this thread correctly Henners ;)

[gadjo_dilo]

.... I've discussed this with many people, including my own personal counselor....
:confused: :rolleyes: Can't believe you talked such things with your counselor....


I think you still love her. Otherwise why did you asked us about the new relationship? It was like you felt guilty.

[gadjo_dilo]

Yep, you said it. Tis in the past now. I get the feeling you're the only one, along with ioan and airshifter, that have read everything I wrote in this thread correctly Henners ;)

Don't know about airshifter but Ioan and Henners are definitely maestros in matters of "corazón". :devil:

[The Black Knight]

:confused: :rolleyes: Can't believe you talked such things with your counselor....


I think you still love her. Otherwise why did you asked us about the new relationship? It was like you felt guilty.

Yeah I still love her but it's over with. No I don't feel guilty. I was asking for advice on the new flame because I know myself I'm probably not in the best place to trust my own advice right now. Nothing more to it really.

[henners88]

:confused: :rolleyes: Can't believe you talked such things with your counselor....

I think you still love her. Otherwise why did you asked us about the new relationship? It was like you felt guilty.
I got the impression he wanted to move on but was asking whether or not 'we' felt it was too soon as an outside opinion. I've been in relationships and finished them, but felt I didn't want to jump into anything too soon afterwards. Sometimes you don't quite know if you are ready but are tempted to try things out, only to find you are slap bang in the middle of a relationship again. My advice to the knight is to enjoy the next 6 months and keep things casual. You don't always have to be knee deep in clunge to enjoy yourself and time off from the fairer species might do him some good. That's good advice but he is a bloke like many of us and the first sniff is usually hard to resist lol. It all works out in the end I like to say ;)

[The Black Knight]

I got the impression he wanted to move on but was asking whether or not 'we' felt it was too soon as an outside opinion. I've been in relationships and finished them, but felt I didn't want to jump into anything too soon afterwards. Sometimes you don't quite know if you are ready but are tempted to try things out, only to find you are slap bang in the middle of a relationship again. My advice to the knight is to enjoy the next 6 months and keep things casual. You don't always have to be knee deep in clunge to enjoy yourself and time off from the fairer species might do him some good. That's good advice but he is a bloke like many of us and the first sniff is usually hard to resist lol. It all works out in the end I like to say ;)

LOL This is so true. I get a sniff of it and I'm off. It's one of those things, our weakness I guess ;) And yes, you've got it bang on as usually. That's exactly the purpose of this thread.

[gadjo_dilo]

OK Maestro, if you say so.....

However I can't swallow this:


I've been in relationships and finished them, but felt I didn't want to jump into anything too soon afterwards.



Who do you thing you're fooling? :devil:

[henners88]

OK Maestro, if you say so.....

However I can't swallow this:

Henners]I've been in relationships and finished them, but felt I didn't want to jump into anything too soon afterwards

Who do you thing you're fooling?

Fooling with what?

[gadjo_dilo]

Fooling with what?
You're a very young chap who's with his wife for 9 years ( according to this thread ). Wonder when you had time for so many relationships if you didn't jump for a new one after a break up.

[The Black Knight]

You're a very young chap who's with his wife for 9 years ( according to this thread ). Wonder when you had time for so many relationships if you didn't jump for a new one after a break up.

Given that people generally start dating around the 16 mark, if you do the math he had about 7 years to experience this before he met his wife :)

[henners88]

You're a very young chap who's with his wife for 9 years ( according to this thread ). Wonder when you had time for so many relationships if you didn't jump for a new one after a break up.
I was nearly 22 when I started my present relationship. I said previously I didn't want to jump from one relationship to another but I didn't say I didn't have fun without commitment in the mean time ;)

When I was 15 to 17 I had a couple of girlfriends and at that age you take it quite seriously and think you'll be together forever. When you hit 18 and head off to university you suddenly realise you are away from home for the first time in your life and most of the girls you meet are in the same boat. No parents, no restrictions, no rules, its time to have fun and explore. I was no Julio Iglesias but I did make the most of my college years before I settled down and found the one girl I really wanted to be with long term. I get the impression from reading posts here that cultures are very different across Europe and the rest of the world.

[henners88]

Given that people generally start dating around the 16 mark, if you do the math he had about 7 years to experience this before he met his wife :)
Indeed Mr Knight :)

[gadjo_dilo]

I get the impression from reading posts here that cultures are very different across Europe and the rest of the world.
Hey, don't forget that people here belong also to different generations. :laugh:

[gadjo_dilo]

16 + 7 = 23

[henners88]

'about'
:p

[ioan]

Ioane, I've never thought you're so good in giving advice.
Next time I know who I'll ask for help. :laugh:

You live to learn, we all do or at least should.

[ioan]

The romantic in me (???!!?!?) says that they don't know what they're missing....
( I'm also serious ).

A depression for two?

[donKey jote]

make sure you dump her before you shag her and make things worse !

oh well, almost...
At least she dumped you before she shagged you and made things worse ! :p

[The Black Knight]

oh well, almost...
At least she dumped you before she shagged you and made things worse ! :p

I'd have felt great if she shagged me. It would not have made things worse lol

[airshifter]

Don't know about airshifter but Ioan and Henners are definitely maestros in matters of "corazón". :devil:

I'd make them look like complete amateurs. You don't stay married for 27 years without knowing how to follow your heart instead of your... err... I just remembered this is a family forum.

[gadjo_dilo]

You live to learn, we all do or at least should.

Wow....When you'll be old you'll be a guru in relationship management.

[gadjo_dilo]

I'd make them look like complete amateurs. You don't stay married for 27 years without knowing how to follow your heart instead of your... err... I just remembered this is a family forum.

Nah... There's no need of much equilibristics if you're under your wife's slipper. ( Like Henners....:devil :) .

[gadjo_dilo]

oh well, almost...
At least she dumped you before she shagged you and made things worse ! :p
That's why I'm sorry for him. She gave him the slippers before he could score.

[gadjo_dilo]

I'd have felt great if she shagged me. It would not have made things worse lol
Give me a break. She took you to an action movie waiting some action from you and you stayed dutiful on your seat dying of boredom.
If a girl takes the initiative men would say she's a wh*re. :rolleyes:

[sunita1211]

hi there,
The best rule to follow for healthy realationship is to have 3As
accept
Adapt &
Adjust

[sunita1211]

well to have babies is certainly a beautiful thing which can happen to u,but u have to be ready for it.....and if u dnt understand the term READY than just let it haen, go with the flow

[The Black Knight]

Give me a break. She took you to an action movie waiting some action from you and you stayed dutiful on your seat dying of boredom.
If a girl takes the initiative men would say she's a wh*re. :rolleyes:

You're kind of funny. It's clear you don't grasp everything in this thread that has been said. We'll put it down to the language barrier ;)

[gadjo_dilo]

You're kind of funny. It's clear you don't grasp everything in this thread that has been said. We'll put it down to the language barrier ;)
Noooooo......Blame it on my lack of understanding the love games. :laugh: