Baggage Check

[oily oaf]

No not a thread detailing Hotbikerchic's six monthly dental visits but a genuine enquiry as to the nature of the new, draconian airport security checks vis a vis (that's bloody foreign muck that is :mad: ) hand luggage.
You see my friends it is my avowed intention this very Sunday night to position myself inside a moving, flying, global warming contributing, fart recycling aeroplane device which hopefully will deposit my good self and Mrs Oaf in Portugal where I intend to take up residence in Alcoutim, a tiny Jewel like village on the Guadiana river which provides the natural border twixt Portugal and Spain.
Now I realise that liquids are banned or at least severely restricted with regard to hand luggage but I'm not too clear on the rules regarding electrical goods ie clock radios, hairdryers and straighteners etc.
Can these items still be taken on board or will I be immediately whisked behind a screen by a swarthy security geezer with a latex glove on :eek:
Yeah I know some people pay good money for that sort of thing but I'd rather give it a miss if it's all the same to you.
Perhaps some of you frequent flying, jet setter bods could also tell me if I should arrive at the airport about 3 days before boarding as I have heard that going through passport control and security is a pretty slow process these days.
Any help with these small quandaries will be greatly appreciated and will be handsomely rewarded in the guise of a postal order worth £5.00 and some post holiday snaps of me standing on the roof of my villa shouting and pointing at overweight Spanish ladies whilst firing my BB gun at their donkeys :mad:

PS I'm thinking of taking said gun along with ammunition, some hard core shipping forecast tapes, nude pictures of Michael Fish, a set of darts and the cat in my hand baggage.
Should I be worried?

[Jaws]

POPs. The "gentlemen" at security will want to see said devices in operation, so I suggest you tip a bucket of water over your head prior to arriving at security, pull out the hair dryer, dry your hair and then maybe set it in a nice little bob with the hair straightener. You may want to set yourself a time limit with the alarm clock (kill two birds with one stone ;) ).

The reason I know this, is that recently Jaws and the tribe recently had occassion to seek respite in the warmth of the North and flew. The security guard at the airport demanded Mrs Jaws take the device she had stowed in her handbag out and turn it on to demonstrate it was operational.

I still don't know why she was going on holidays with a 10 inch paint stirrer in her luggage :confused:

[CarlMetro]

As far as I'm aware there are no restrictions on electrical goods, although if you're wanting to take half the stock from your local Comet/Currys then you may have a problem with excess baggage. Laptops have to be removed from bags and be scanned seperately, mobiles have to go through the scanners too but if I were taking anything else then I would pack it in the stowed luggage just to prevent any unnecessary potential delays.

As for the time it will take to get through the gestapo? A lot of it deopends on which airport. Stanstead is by far the worst I have encountered, Heathrow probably the best, with Luton, Birmingham International and Bristol somewhere in between :s

One little tip, make sure you're not wearing you 21 hole Doc Martins. Instead wear that nice pair of slip-on moccosans that all mature men seem to favour, along with you best socks, because you're more than likely to get asked to remove your shoes at security to have them scanned. I'm sure they do it so that the guards can have a good laugh at the state of some peoples socks :dozey:

[oily oaf]

Thanks fellas

Jawsie. This is spookie mate but Mrs Oaf has a paint stirrer almost identical to the one that you describe :)
The keen little DIY enthusiast regularly locks herself in the bedroom and stirs the paint with such noisy enthusiasm that it fair warms the cockles of my heart to hear it :)

Carl. Thanks for the heads up mate. You're not a bad fella for a Spuds fan :mad:
With regards to footwear, a few years back I was passing through the body scanner at Lisbon airport and despite jettisoning every conceivable metal object into the basket provided I continued to set the alarm bells ringing so to speak.
Just as the 2 heavily armed Guardia Civil boys were starting to look a bit disgruntled and their trigger fingers beginning to twitch alarmingly I remembered that the dodgy old work boots that I was wearing had steel toecaps and promptly whipped em off revealing a rather natty pair of Marks and Spencers tilbury docks.
Job done! :D

PS I heard on the radio this morning that the BAA are laying on extra staff at airports during busy periods but have nevertheless advised passengers that long delays are likely during the Easter period.
I can't bloody wait :(

[BDunnell]

As for the time it will take to get through the gestapo? A lot of it deopends on which airport. Stanstead is by far the worst I have encountered, Heathrow probably the best, with Luton, Birmingham International and Bristol somewhere in between :s

I always have the feeling that Stansted try to get by with as few staff as possible. The area available for the checks there is also too small to cope with the new regulations (and thus pretty chaotic, with people milling around all over the place), but this is true of almost all airports, no matter how new they are.

[Eki]

Should I be worried?
The cat should be.

[Ian McC]

I always have the feeling that Stansted try to get by with as few staff as possible. The area available for the checks there is also too small to cope with the new regulations (and thus pretty chaotic, with people milling around all over the place), but this is true of almost all airports, no matter how new they are.


Actually that's incorrect, it has the biggest search area in the UK, if not Europe I believe, and it's just about to get bigger. Staffing was a lot of the problem but they have recruited around 200 extra staff since the end of last summer. Still has its moments though....

If they sort this out I guess we airport workers will have to find something else to moan and complain about, maybe the weather :D

[LotusElise]

I heard that the ban on liquids has been relaxed now.

[Ian McC]

I heard that the ban on liquids has been relaxed now.


Nope, still limited to 100ml

[oily oaf]

Nope, still limited to 100ml

How the hell do you expect me to become unruly and pinch the stewardesses bums on 100ml Fer Chrissake!

(swigs deeply from bottle of Captain Morgan and has quick fight with self)

[Ian McC]

How the hell do you expect me to become unruly and pinch the stewardesses bums on 100ml Fer Chrissake!

(swigs deeply from bottle of Captain Morgan and has quick fight with self)


There is of course Duty Free once you are through security :p :

[oily oaf]

There is of course Duty Free once you are through security :p :

Phew! That was a close one :D

(puts lid back on Captain Morgan and leaves house whistling gaily with dog on a piece of string)

[Andrea]

PS I heard on the radio this morning that the BAA are laying on extra staff at airports during busy periods but have nevertheless advised passengers that long delays are likely during the Easter period.
I can't bloody wait :(

That'll teach you to fly during busy holiday times. :p

[oily oaf]

That'll teach you to fly during busy holiday times. :p

Blimey! 'Ullo stranger :D
Long time no trade deeply hurtful personal insults love.

No other window of opportunity with regards to flight times I'm afraid due to Mrs Oaf being in the teaching game which restricts us to school holidays and the unmitigated profiteering from the airlines that goes along with it. :(

Bloody good job I managed to stitch up a few disabled pensioners last week by charging them a monkey apiece to empty their ashtrays innit :s mokin:

Don't be a stranger now young lady :s murf:

[Ian McC]

Blimey! 'Ullo stranger :D
Long time no trade deeply hurtful personal insults love.

No other window of opportunity with regards to flight times I'm afraid due to Mrs Oaf being in the teaching game which restricts us to school holidays and the unmitigated profiteering from the airlines that goes along with it. :(

Bloody good job I managed to stitch up a few disabled pensioners last week by charging them a monkey apiece to empty their ashtrays innit :s mokin:

Don't be a stranger now young lady :s murf:


Oh maybe you should of been a teacher too Mr Oaf ;)

[oily oaf]

Oh maybe you should of been a teacher too Mr Oaf ;)

Oh don't you worry Macca I've handed out a few lessons in my time. Trust me ;)

[koppite_rob]

we airport workers

Crikey Ian didn't know you were in the flying fraternity also.
I left the shambles that used to be called British Rail to join a company held with high esteem and national pride at Christmas.
Since then Ive discovered the airports are in an even bigger mess :D

[Hazell B]

Crikey Ian didn't know you were in the flying fraternity also.


He's Batman. Didn't you know? :p :



I left the shambles that used to be called British Rail to join a company held with high esteem and national pride at Christmas.
Since then Ive discovered the airports are in an even bigger mess :D

Yeah, I heard their worst troubles started just after Christmas .... something about dodgy staff ;) You should have joined the paras after all!

[Roamy]

I like it when they strip search 72 year old Olga Hansen. What a great job we are doing.

[Ian McC]

He's Batman. Didn't you know? :p :

Stop trying to get me to wear tights!!!! :eek: :p :

[Ian McC]

Crikey Ian didn't know you were in the flying fraternity also.
I left the shambles that used to be called British Rail to join a company held with high esteem and national pride at Christmas.
Since then Ive discovered the airports are in an even bigger mess :D

I well and truly have both my feet on the ground :D But you are right, there is nothing professional about aviation ;)

[CarlMetro]

Stop trying to get me to wear tights!!!! :eek: :p :

I think she's trying to get you to stop :p :

[Mark in Oshawa]

As someone who was on 6 flights in 2 weeks getting too and from the State of Hawaii and the island of Kauai, I can tell you that American TSA agents aren't always sure on their rules, so I wish you better luck Oaf on the what you can carry and not. I know the idiots in Hawaii don't have a bloody clue, but of course, being wannabe Homeland Security employees, don't care and do their job with the grim effiencientless and inconsistent charm of a Communist border guard at Checkpoint Charlie in the 70's.

Flying used to be fun, now I just want to line up every humourless gorp in a customs or "security" uniform and bitch slap them until they realize they can do their jobs without being jerks...

[Camelopard]

As someone who was on 6 flights in 2 weeks getting too and from the State of Hawaii and the island of Kauai, I can tell you that American TSA agents aren't always sure on their rules, so I wish you better luck Oaf on the what you can carry and not. I know the idiots in Hawaii don't have a bloody clue, but of course, being wannabe Homeland Security employees, don't care and do their job with the grim effiencientless and inconsistent charm of a Communist border guard at Checkpoint Charlie in the 70's.

Flying used to be fun, now I just want to line up every humourless gorp in a customs or "security" uniform and bitch slap them until they realize they can do their jobs without being jerks...

We are off to Vancouver next month flying from Sydney via Hawaii with Air Canada and I have heard that you must go though full US customs and immigration in Honolulu even though technically you are only in transit.
Apparently if you buy duty free in Sydney after going though Australian security it will be confiscated when you rejoin the same plane (and same seat!!!) in Honolulu as you are subject to the rules as if you are joining a flight for the first time. Does this make sense?

Air Canada will be introducing non stop direct flights Sydney-Vancouver at the end of the year which will mean that you can avoid the states which i definately will be using in future.

[Hazell B]

I think she's trying to get you to stop :p :

No, I'm trying to get him to look like Christian Bale. If I squint a good deal, he's about half way there. Sadly it's the wrong half :mark:

Daft question, but can they really strip search somebody at an airport? Wouldn't it be a police matter rather than airport security these days? And can you ask for a lawyer to be there for you?
Not that I plan to fly anywhere, I just wondered. Honest :p :

[Ian McC]

No, I'm trying to get him to look like Christian Bale. If I squint a good deal, he's about half way there. Sadly it's the wrong half :mark:

You are a constant concern to me :p :



Daft question, but can they really strip search somebody at an airport? Wouldn't it be a police matter rather than airport security these days? And can you ask for a lawyer to be there for you?
Not that I plan to fly anywhere, I just wondered. Honest :p :

Security wouldn't, if there was that kind of concern about someone I guess they would get the police.

Customs on the other hand............ :s ailor: :eek:

[Hazell B]

You are a constant concern to me :p :



Aye.

Customs can search somebody?
Better watch myself walking from pub to home then, I cross a bit of Goole dock :p :

[Ian McC]

Aye.

Customs can search somebody?
Better watch myself walking from pub to home then, I cross a bit of Goole dock :p :

I don't think people realise how much power they actually have, p*ss em off then the rubber gloves come out! :s hock:

[Dave B]

Aye.

Customs can search somebody?
Better watch myself walking from pub to home then, I cross a bit of Goole dock :p :

You walk on water? :eek:

[Hazell B]

It's tough oop north, but we've got tepid water and sparking light thingies in the walls now ... and a bridge or two :p :

[Mark in Oshawa]

We are off to Vancouver next month flying from Sydney via Hawaii with Air Canada and I have heard that you must go though full US customs and immigration in Honolulu even though technically you are only in transit.
Apparently if you buy duty free in Sydney after going though Australian security it will be confiscated when you rejoin the same plane (and same seat!!!) in Honolulu as you are subject to the rules as if you are joining a flight for the first time. Does this make sense?

Air Canada will be introducing non stop direct flights Sydney-Vancouver at the end of the year which will mean that you can avoid the states which i definately will be using in future.

I would contact Air Canada and ask them about that. I think once you clear security, you are sort of in a protected zone, and I think your Duty Free goods would be left alone. Of course, if you can LEAVE the Duty Free on the plane, the US Customs and/or TSA people wouldn't be on the plane. I would talk to Air Canada.

[Mark in Oshawa]

Cossie, here is a thought. Ask Air Canada if you have to clear US Customs at Vancouver? Flights to the US out of Canada's major airports have US Customs booths so they can preclear people flying to US destinations. It is a unique thing because of the amount of people flying back and forth between the US and Canada, and the US Customs would preclear you at Vancouver, then you would be on to Duty Free, and after Honolulu, would be clearing Aussie Customs down under with your Duty free Booze untouched.

[Sarah]

I flew from Stansted in early February on a Friday lunchtime and it took 30 mins to get through security. They have about 12 security points now but only half were open. I was searched even though the scanner did not beep when I went through and it looked like that happened to a lot of people.

My sister has flown from Gatwick a few times and says it is always bad there.