Groaner Time !

[RaceFanStan]

A fellow went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I broke my arm in 3 places !"
The doctor slapped him & said, "You should stay out of those places !"

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g202/gr8link/odd/groucho.gif

[LeonBrooke]

Brilliant! :up:

[Ian McC]

Taxi for Stan! :rolleyes: :p :

[Hazell B]

:laugh:

Oldies are the besties, eh Stan? :p :

[RaceFanStan]

Cheney gets a phonecall from his "boss", W.

"I've got a problem," says W.

"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.

"Well, I was trying to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle ...
but it's too hard, none of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.

"A big rooster," replies W.

"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."

So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office ... W points at the jigsaw on his desk.

Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to W and says, "For crying out loud W ! put the corn flakes back in the box."

:laugh:

[LeonBrooke]

:laugh: that one was pretty good...

[CarlMetro]

One day I met a sweet girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas.

Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!"

She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not.

At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

[LeonBrooke]

Oh, what an embarrassing story, Carl ;) you must have been so humiliated :p :

[RaceFanStan]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.


That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend...
"I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

:laugh:

[djarumdudley]

Ha!