Hondo
29th November 2009, 22:36
I have never been interested in horror films but was subjected to 3 Dracula style films yesterday. It occurred to me that becoming a vampire wasn't anything to be afraid of, in fact, it seems like good work if you can get it. Here's how I see it. Feel free to correct me.
There doesn't seem to be a set of exact laws or rules governing vampirehood, in other words, different methods were used in all 3 films but all seemed to be effective. Maybe vampire regulation is something the FIA would like to branch into as a sideline.
Getting your foot in the door:
You have to get bit and have blood drawn anywhere from 1 to 3 times by a card carrying vampire. The actual biting and bloodsucking ranges from painless to mildly orgasmic. It's unclear if all your blood need be taken or just a portion. Just to speed things along, you should insist they take all of it. You won't need it anyway.
Welcome to the neighborhood!
Except for the 2 methods at the end of this, you cannot be harmed. You will have the ability to adopt any lifeform at will. You will have above average strength. I never saw any poor vampires so money doesn't seem to be a problem. Party all night, sleep all day. Healthcare becomes a non-issue. You are free to as you wish, where you wish, and how you wish as long as there is no direct sunlight around. You may have to give up Italian food. Garlic is one of those gray areas. It may be unpleasnt to you and then again, it may not. Crucifixes and other cross-like items will make you uncomfortable and cause you to leave the area but don't appear to be lethal. Avoid holy water. It burns. Might be lethal if you were thrown in the stuff, I don't know for sure.
Checking out.
Getting caught out in direct sunlight will end your vampire career in a very short order.
A wooden stake driven through your heart while you're napping in the daytime will also kill you completely. One pundit insisted that a wooden mallet must be used to drive the stake. The type of wood used doesn't seem to matter although I would avoid balsa or particle board. In a pinch, I suppose a yellow #2 pencil could be used.
Gray areas:
If the stake is removed, you may or may not be able to resume the vampire business.
If the stake and the sun are the only things that can kill you, you shoudn't need to be running around sucking blood. Starving to death was never mentioned.
All in all, I'm ready. Come sign me up and bite me!
There doesn't seem to be a set of exact laws or rules governing vampirehood, in other words, different methods were used in all 3 films but all seemed to be effective. Maybe vampire regulation is something the FIA would like to branch into as a sideline.
Getting your foot in the door:
You have to get bit and have blood drawn anywhere from 1 to 3 times by a card carrying vampire. The actual biting and bloodsucking ranges from painless to mildly orgasmic. It's unclear if all your blood need be taken or just a portion. Just to speed things along, you should insist they take all of it. You won't need it anyway.
Welcome to the neighborhood!
Except for the 2 methods at the end of this, you cannot be harmed. You will have the ability to adopt any lifeform at will. You will have above average strength. I never saw any poor vampires so money doesn't seem to be a problem. Party all night, sleep all day. Healthcare becomes a non-issue. You are free to as you wish, where you wish, and how you wish as long as there is no direct sunlight around. You may have to give up Italian food. Garlic is one of those gray areas. It may be unpleasnt to you and then again, it may not. Crucifixes and other cross-like items will make you uncomfortable and cause you to leave the area but don't appear to be lethal. Avoid holy water. It burns. Might be lethal if you were thrown in the stuff, I don't know for sure.
Checking out.
Getting caught out in direct sunlight will end your vampire career in a very short order.
A wooden stake driven through your heart while you're napping in the daytime will also kill you completely. One pundit insisted that a wooden mallet must be used to drive the stake. The type of wood used doesn't seem to matter although I would avoid balsa or particle board. In a pinch, I suppose a yellow #2 pencil could be used.
Gray areas:
If the stake is removed, you may or may not be able to resume the vampire business.
If the stake and the sun are the only things that can kill you, you shoudn't need to be running around sucking blood. Starving to death was never mentioned.
All in all, I'm ready. Come sign me up and bite me!