Vampire, not a bad deal, really.

[Hondo]

I have never been interested in horror films but was subjected to 3 Dracula style films yesterday. It occurred to me that becoming a vampire wasn't anything to be afraid of, in fact, it seems like good work if you can get it. Here's how I see it. Feel free to correct me.

There doesn't seem to be a set of exact laws or rules governing vampirehood, in other words, different methods were used in all 3 films but all seemed to be effective. Maybe vampire regulation is something the FIA would like to branch into as a sideline.

Getting your foot in the door:

You have to get bit and have blood drawn anywhere from 1 to 3 times by a card carrying vampire. The actual biting and bloodsucking ranges from painless to mildly orgasmic. It's unclear if all your blood need be taken or just a portion. Just to speed things along, you should insist they take all of it. You won't need it anyway.

Welcome to the neighborhood!

Except for the 2 methods at the end of this, you cannot be harmed. You will have the ability to adopt any lifeform at will. You will have above average strength. I never saw any poor vampires so money doesn't seem to be a problem. Party all night, sleep all day. Healthcare becomes a non-issue. You are free to as you wish, where you wish, and how you wish as long as there is no direct sunlight around. You may have to give up Italian food. Garlic is one of those gray areas. It may be unpleasnt to you and then again, it may not. Crucifixes and other cross-like items will make you uncomfortable and cause you to leave the area but don't appear to be lethal. Avoid holy water. It burns. Might be lethal if you were thrown in the stuff, I don't know for sure.

Checking out.

Getting caught out in direct sunlight will end your vampire career in a very short order.
A wooden stake driven through your heart while you're napping in the daytime will also kill you completely. One pundit insisted that a wooden mallet must be used to drive the stake. The type of wood used doesn't seem to matter although I would avoid balsa or particle board. In a pinch, I suppose a yellow #2 pencil could be used.

Gray areas:

If the stake is removed, you may or may not be able to resume the vampire business.

If the stake and the sun are the only things that can kill you, you shoudn't need to be running around sucking blood. Starving to death was never mentioned.

All in all, I'm ready. Come sign me up and bite me!

[Easy Drifter]

Gives new meaning to the drink 'Bloody Mary'.
Only trouble is in Canada you have a major problem dealing with the UMU and they are all female.

[leopard]

Having watched a good mandarin film that at the end revealed the man is a vampire, if not mistaken it was Animal Instinct... Not sure it's good or not if the vampires play the role on the whole films.

I get feeling females frighten more than male vampires, but we man, tend to skip such a horror and prefer dealing with female vampires... ;)

[Rollo]

Here are some useful facts about everyone's favourite vampire, Count Dracula:

Dracula's favorite food is Elf, blood type 0-.

Dracula is 532 years young.

Once, Dracula had a sidekick named Percy Teatherspoon, who was a seven foot tall axe wielding maniac. Every vampire needs a good axe wielding maniac to help disperse angry torch bearing mobs, wash windows, and sort mail.

Like all vampires, Dracula becomes very cross if his mail is not properly sorted. "Properly sorted" means it is filed into at least three categories: fan mail, junk mail, and "letters from people I should eat'.

Sometimes on his birthday, Dracula has the local children over to his castle for an egg hunt. Who ever finds the most eggs is deemed a subversive, and summarily stoned to death by the other children.

Other vampires when faced with a dying mortal whom they particularly like might offer him immortality. Dracula would offer you a delicious apple pie. Hmm, yummy.

Vampires, Ninjas and Pirates are unionised labour. They have their own health care fund and superannuation plans. This is yet another reason why they need sorted mail.

Because Vampires like Zombies are part of the undead, they can only be killed by a steak through the heart. Traditionally this meant one made from wood, though equally ones made of iron, steel or beef will work just as well.

[Mark]

In a pinch, I suppose a yellow #2 pencil could be used.



It can indeed. I believe Buffy or one of her cronies used this method on at least one occasion.

Although vampires must be quite squishy, although by no means should you try it, I reckon the pencil would break on a normal persons breast bone.

[Hazell B]

So my old mate Fiero wants to join the undead.
Jump on a flight, I'll nibble your neck in Whitby (where he landed over here, they claim) and make you the next Dracula :up:

Just don't forget your native soil sample, velvet lined coffin and a long black cloak :p :

[Sonic]

COUNT DUCKULA!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VthsQVsXwEg

Love that show!!!

ps Bram Stoker's Vampire could go out in sunlight but was no more powerful than an average man.