Golf Clubs - WTF??!!

[Hazell B]

After foolishly saying I may take up golf last week, I've been given a set of clubs in a nice leathery bag (with fluffy club covers to keep them cosy!) and a huge collection of white dimpled balls. I never knew people were so glad to give away stuff like this .... so will make sure to tell everyone next week that I fancy taking up polo, driving Aston Martins and wearing diamonds :p :

Anyway, I don't know what's what in this golf bag. Any advice (other than forget it, of course) would be handy.

There's Woods 1, 3 and 5, Irons 3-9, a putter and two that say 'P' and 'S' on them. Is the S one a sand wedge, or am I making that term up? :confused:

There's no way I'm taking to the links, so don't worry if you play in the Yorkshire area and fear for your skull with me thrashing about. It's just to waste time on my own fields and perhaps confuse the chickens when I hit a ball their way :)

[MrJan]

I don't golf but P is pitching wedge and you are right with sand wedge. Woods are for tw**ting it a long way (the lower the number the further is a basic rule I think so 1 is your proper driver, 3 will still send it a long way and 5 is for shorter drives). Irons are more about placement and the number varies according to how much loft or distance you want. 3 will be relatively little lift but long distance (less than a 5w though) and 9 is to bung it up in the air.

Try going to some lessons at a local range, lots of places do little courses which work from how to hold the club, how to form the swing etc. One of my mates did one and found it fairly good I think.

Personally though I would throw out everything apart from a 9 iron, and the woods and just spend time at the driving range. That way you avoid the walking, looking for balls and having to put the thing in the stupid little hole. I have only one club (3 wood) which stays in the boot of my car should I ever want to thwack a few buckets of balls out the driving range :D

Cue Schmenke et al with their genuine golfing nonesense rather than my 'I watch the open sometimes' idiot mind :p :

[inimitablestoo]

Dear oh dear oh dear. You'll never get anywhere if you don't know the terminology. For starters, they're called golf bats... :p :

[Donney]

I like the idea of I may take driving Astons up....

[Easy Drifter]

Golf: A pastime for people with too much time on their hands.
Hitting a chunck of rubber with assorted clubs all over a cow pasture trying to put the chunck of rubber in a gopher hole.
I have several irons in the fire. I just gave up golf! :D

[veeten]

... and now, with helpful golf hints, here's fousto. :p :

[schmenke]

Did someone say "golf"? :D

Hazell, probably the best advice I can give you is to avoid golfing like the plague. Most novices are genuinely surprised at how adictive it is. Once you start, and learn the basics, it can consume you. There's a reason why it's the world's most popular outdoor leisure sport.

A bit of starter advice if you're really curious: Go out to a driving range a few times with someone who has a fair idea of how to swing a club (note, you don't "hit" a ball, you "swing through it" ;) ). Try it out a few times and see if you might want to give a local course a go, starting perhaps with 9 holes :) .

Practice with the "short" irons (the ones with the higher numbers) first, as you will be spending far more time swinging these than the woods :uhoh: .

[Dave B]

Play on the Wii, that way you can stay nice and warm indoors and nobody scoffs at your trousers.

[Hazell B]

Dave, are you saying that they'd snigger at my turning up to play real golf in riding breeches, wellies and a paint-splattered Primark T shirt? Well, I never :laugh:

Thanks for the wise words, everyone.
If I've time tomorrow I'll forget riding the horse and instead bash some balls about in the paddocks (oo er!). I need not worry about losing the balls as I was given hundreds and the dogs are eager to join in anyway, bless them. Reporting back to you lot will the painful part ......

[Roamy]

Hazel - Be very afraid - Be very afraid

guy is playing golf with his wife. tees off and hits her right in the head and kills her. during the autopsy the doctor says " I am very sorry. Here is your topflight ball that was embedded in her skull." Then the doctor says " but I do have one further question - i found a titleist ball up her ass" The man said "Oh that was my mulligan"

[schmenke]

:D


A golfer is waiting for his buddy to tee up on the 18th hole. The buddy is taking his time, adjusting his stance, grip, etc.
His impatient friend says "Will you hurry up and just hit the ball already."
Buddy replies, "Don't rush me. My wife is watching from the clubhouse and I want to make sure this shot is just right."
"Forget it," replies his friend, "you'll never hit her from here."

[Hazell B]

"you'll never hit her from here."

You have no idea just how close to the mark that is :laugh:

I played for a while then wandered off leaving two semi-exhausted dogs to fetch the balls back for my partner. It took him just 3 swings to hit Naburn the dog on his leg.

Ching, thud, yelp.

Result? A lame dog (who luckily holds no grudge), a golf ban and an annoyed Hazell (who holds a grudge very well, thank you!).

I'm rubbish at driving, by the way. Rubbish :mark:

[Easy Drifter]

Golf or cars?

[schmenke]

Likely both :p :

[Dave B]

I'm rubbish at driving, by the way. Rubbish :mark:
I find that I can hit the ball perfectly straight, just over there; or twat it for miles in a totally random direction.

If I could only combine the two I'd be brilliant!

[J4MIE]

I had a go once but I couldn't for the life of me hit the ball :s So I gave up and went to the bar instead.

[GridGirl]

Golf ruins a good walk if you ask me. Golf is one of the only sports I really just don't understand.

[Valve Bounce]

First of all, you have to learn how to drive (with the wood) by tee-ing off. This is a great example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s50K65PNeBU
Then there is the terminology. Before you drive you have to scream out "FORE"; then after you drive and check where your ball has gone, you have to mutter "Ah! Shyte"

Now after you have learned to master the first swing in golf, I'll come to the second lesson. OK??

[Easy Drifter]

Walking a golf course near Orlando (just walking with some players) sign said "Before stepping over a log check that there is not a snake on the other side. Also be very sure it really is a log."
Who said golf was not a dangerous sport?

[Mark in Oshawa]

I love Golf...but it pains me to say this: Hazell...those clubs were invented by the devil...toss them away....lol

[Hazell B]

"Ah! Shyte"


I'm getting quite good at that golf cry.

Had a go in deep mud the other day. Just made a mess and the balls only went a few yards :mark: then vanished in the gunk. Even the dogs refused to fetch them back. At one point the chickens were running along the ball's path then back as I addressed (lingo, that ;) ) the next one - like slow motion tennis. Had to stop before I wore out their little chicken legs :p :

Still rubbish :up:

[Dave B]

Ooh look at you using all the proper argot. Thin end of the wedge, that is, but par for the course.

[ArrowsFA1]

As Winston Churchill (apparently) once said "Golf is a game who's aim it is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose."

[Mark in Oshawa]

As Winston Churchill (apparently) once said "Golf is a game who's aim it is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose."

Churchill was a genius....

[Hazell B]

.... and a war criminal ;)

[Mark in Oshawa]

.... and a war criminal ;)

This aint the thread to debate that, but I would say he was a flawed politician. War criminal is something I wouldn't toss around lightly, and judge by today's morality to a time where things were looked at differently. If you do that, Churchill was also a racist and a thug too...but I wont judge all leaders of the past by today's much more logical and strict morality. What society saw as right or legal was far different even 50 years ago...