Butlins.

[Hazell B]

Think I've made a huge mistake and am about to lose five days off my life that I can never get back :mark:

A friend called the other night and asked if I could please, please, pretty please go with her 17 year old daughter for a four night break to a Butlins camp. Seems the girl's boyfriend has let her down and it's all paid for, so without me the poor lass has no holiday at all. I agree without thinking properly.

The 17 year old is a nice girl. I like her. However, she drinks vodka and thinks it's cool to be blathered. She's also not just a bit chubby but vast in a thigh-rubbing, wobbly sort of way. People are going to think she's my daughter simply because of the age thing and I'm going to get blamed for her drinking and size. I'd rather she didn't drink and ate a bit less, but I've liked her from meeting her a few years ago just as she is.

So, I've been talked into spending five days in what I imagine to be a Nazi style camp with chips at every meal. I'm being seen as stand-in mother by her real mother and drinking buddy by the daughter (two jobs that clash, I fear :p :) . I loathe cabaret, musicals and pub singers. I don't need a gym, spa or swimming pool. Should I pack a tub of trancs and just try to sleep the whole few days away or will it be better than it sounds?

Anyone been to a holiday camp lately?

[Drew]

If you hadn't mention the whole size issue, I'm sure you'd have a few takers to go instead :rotflmao:

[Jag_Warrior]

If you hadn't mention the whole size issue, I'm sure you'd have a few takers to go instead :rotflmao:

Hazell must be new at this. She should have started out with, "she's got a nice personality."

What's the drinking age over there, anyway?

[Rollo]

What's the drinking age over there, anyway?

Technically it's age zero. :eek:

- Children under 5 may only be given alcohol on medical order subject to the Children and Young Person's Act of 1933
- The legal age to consume alcohol with parental consent is 5 (but at home and not on licenced premises).
- The legal age to consume alcohol (beer, porter, wine and cider only) on licenced premises with food is 16, provided that it has been purchased by a parent or guardian.
- The legal age to purchase alcohol, or consume on licenced premises, is 18

[Donney]

May I suggest....

http://rlv.zcache.com/not_my_daughter_tshirt-p235718322354389988qnjy_400.jpg

[GridGirl]

I've been to Butlins Minehead a couple of times and I suppose it is OK if your expectations are zero. My friend moved back to Minehead after we left school and on the occassion I've been was just for day trips with her kids as you can pay to just go in for the day. In the day the activities for kids are pretty good. I've never had the pleasure of Butlins at night and somehow a night of binge drinking with 17 year olds does not sound appealing.

[quote="Hazell B"]

I'd rather pull my eyelashes out one by one. It's a really nice thing you are doing tho' and she is a very lucky girl to have someone to go with her for the 5 (5!) days. Hopefully there will be activities she can be part of with others her own age giving you time to chill. Yes re the trancs and maybe amber or rose coloured lenses in your sunglasses.

[MrJan]

Go jogging with her....and swimming....and walking.....and playing tennis......and probably football and rugby too. At least that'll sort one problem :D

[Donney]

Yep she'll be so thirsty she won't need an excuse to drink... ;)

[anthonyvop]

If you hadn't mention the whole size issue, I'm sure you'd have a few takers to go instead :rotflmao:
Hey!
I like fat chicks.

[Jag_Warrior]

Technically it's age zero. :eek:

- Children under 5 may only be given alcohol on medical order subject to the Children and Young Person's Act of 1933
- The legal age to consume alcohol with parental consent is 5 (but at home and not on licenced premises).
- The legal age to consume alcohol (beer, porter, wine and cider only) on licenced premises with food is 16, provided that it has been purchased by a parent or guardian.
- The legal age to purchase alcohol, or consume on licenced premises, is 18

Cool. I wonder if the intense focus on alcohol here has made it seem like a forbidden fruit, and kids go after it that much harder, or if it's just a sign of the times that so many of our kids are dopeheads and drunks?

Anyway... Reason #3746 Not To Have Kids.

[MrJan]

Cool. I wonder if the intense focus on alcohol here has made it seem like a forbidden fruit, and kids go after it that much harder, or if it's just a sign of the times that so many of our kids are dopeheads and drunks?

Anyway... Reason #3746 Not To Have Kids.

We just start bingeing from a younger age :D We do actually have quite a big problem with alcohol over here, after about 8pm on a Friday or Saturday the streets are filled with drunk people doing stupid stuff and acting like idiots, myself sometimes included with that.

[Daniel]

The 17 year old is a nice girl. I like her. However, she drinks vodka and thinks it's cool to be blathered. She's also not just a bit chubby but vast in a thigh-rubbing, wobbly sort of way.

Sucks to be you :p

[schmenke]

...after about 8pm on a Friday or Saturday the streets are filled with drunk people doing stupid stuff and acting like idiots, ...

Not true. My in-laws have never been to Exeter :mad:

[Powered by Cosworth]

I hope it's not the Skegness one you're going to, because I have never seen such a place filled with so much scum it was unreal, when I used to go there as a kid it was lovely. Now it's all pikeys and the above mentioned thigh rubbers!

[Dave B]

Butlins sounds like my worst nightmare, filled with people who have collected the tokens in the redtops. I hate package holidays at the best of times, following the herd and having organised fun. I'm only tolerating one this year because it's dirt cheap to go somewhere blisteringly hot while the UK shivers in October. Normally we'd arrange our own bespoke holiday slightly off the beaten track.

[Daniel]

Butlins sounds like my worst nightmare, filled with people who have collected the tokens in the redtops. I hate package holidays at the best of times, following the herd and having organised fun. I'm only tolerating one this year because it's dirt cheap to go somewhere blisteringly hot while the UK shivers in October. Normally we'd arrange our own bespoke holiday slightly off the beaten track.
Ditto. Can't think of anything worse than going to a place where there are tonnes more brits...... no offence or anything :p

[J4MIE]

Butlins sounds like my worst nightmare, filled with people who have collected the tokens in the redtops. I hate package holidays at the best of times, following the herd and having organised fun. I'm only tolerating one this year because it's dirt cheap to go somewhere blisteringly hot while the UK shivers in October. Normally we'd arrange our own bespoke holiday slightly off the beaten track.

Same here, always gone independently, always will :D

[Mark]

Hazell. Get practising your Seig Heils ready for the 6am daily inspection :laugh: . Never mind, I suppose by the time you get there the work on the escape tunnel network will be well under way!


Same here, always gone independently, always will :D

Too right. I actually went into a travel agents last week for the first time in about 15 years :eek: . A strange experience, it seems that only old people go there now. They couldn't sort me anything out, unsurprisingly.

Travel agents are just shops for people without internet connections..

[Hazell B]

I hope it's not the Skegness one you're going to, because I have never seen such a place filled with so much scum it was unreal, when I used to go there as a kid it was lovely. Now it's all pikeys and the above mentioned thigh rubbers!

It was the Skegness one :down:

Seriously, it is 100% the worst place on earth. Over 50% of the people there were far bigger than Amanda who was with me, many not even walking twenty yards without stopping for a breather. I've never been among so much of life's dross.

We left early and I got some of the cash back for the holiday (even though I hadn't paid for it). Why, I hear you ask.

RATS!!!

Yes, Billy Butlins' showcase holiday venue is crawling with rats. Thousands of them. They were seen at times ranging from 11am to midnight by myself and others we talked to.
It was like a children's book of rodents - there was rats on bars, rats in cars and rats eating Mars. Rats that were fat, rats on a mat and rats chasing cats (I made up the last one - no cat would go to Butlins).

When I filled in the complaint form to get the refund they said it didn't matter about adding my occupation. All the same, an audible gulp was heard when I said "Freelance Journalist" :D :D :D
Okay, I haven't written in years, but it was funny!

In short, the few days I managed to stay were so bad I took up golf on day two and played twice. Got a hole in one on the putting green practice thingy, too :up:

[Daniel]

It was the Skegness one

Seriously, it is 100% the worst place on earth. Over 50% of the people there were far bigger than Amanda who was with me, many not even walking twenty yards without stopping for a breather. I've never been among so much of life's dross.

We left early and I got some of the cash back for the holiday (even though I hadn't paid for it). Why, I hear you ask.

RATS!!!

Yes, Billy Butlins' showcase holiday venue is crawling with rats. Thousands of them. They were seen at times ranging from 11am to midnight by myself and others we talked to.
It was like a children's book of rodents - there was rats on bars, rats in cars and rats eating Mars. Rats that were fat, rats on a mat and rats chasing cats (I made up the last one - no cat would go to Butlins).

When I filled in the complaint form to get the refund they said it didn't matter about adding my occupation. All the same, an audible gulp was heard when I said "Freelance Journalist" :D :D :D
Okay, I haven't written in years, but it was funny!

In short, the few days I managed to stay were so bad I took up golf on day two and played twice. Got a hole in one on the putting green practice thingy, too :up:
You should buy a couple of Jack Russell's and go in and charge them for getting rid of the rats too ;)

[BDunnell]

When I filled in the complaint form to get the refund they said it didn't matter about adding my occupation. All the same, an audible gulp was heard when I said "Freelance Journalist" :D :D :D

Magnificent.

Does anyone recall when Butlins attempted in the mid-1990s to appeal to a different clientele by holding raunchy adults-only weekend breaks? The late Alan Coren suggested that they might start holding 'knobbly bum contests'. And Terry Major-Ball, the then Prime Minister's very amusing brother who went to Butlins every year, told a journalist that he was 'shocked rigid'.

[Hazell B]

...... raunchy adults-only weekend breaks ....

Damned fine idea - the blinkers and gimp mask stop you seeing the rats :D

[BDunnell]

Damned fine idea - the blinkers and gimp mask stop you seeing the rats :D

Ah, so THAT'S what they're for!