In-Laws

[slinkster]

... or in my case... almost-in-laws.

How do you deal with annoying/borderline psycho/nasty/ignorant/close-minded/bitchy inlaws??? :confused:

Any advice much appreciated before my head implodes. Thanks. :(

[Jag_Warrior]

- Sit in a corner and clean your guns while talking to yourself... laugh out loud every now & again.

- Invite the one who is pissing you off the most to go deer hunting with you... and tell them they can even wear the antler suit (I did that - and it worked = the engagment broke off after that).

- Stay outside and away from them as much as possible.

- Do you have any rowdy friends? Invite them over to balance things out.

- From the way it sounds, the main thing you should maybe do is think long & hard before you marry into this family. You can stand on your head for a weekend, but saying "til death do we part" includes her nutso family as much as her... ya know?

Good luck. And make sure the guns are unloaded before you start cleaning them. ;)

[gloomyDAY]

Stand up to them...

This is coming from a person who will NEVER get married.

[Firstgear]

You need to know how your almost-spouse feels about these almost inlaws. If his attitude is "nothing will seperate me & my family", or "my family is just as important as you" then be prepared for a long fight & some misery.

I'm not saying you need to divorce his family, but if you and your future spouse at least feel the same way about them, you'll hopefully be able to agree on how/when to deel with them.

[GridGirl]

Slinkster, would any woman be good enough for you future in-laws son? If the answer is no then you are always going to be fighting a loosing battle.

[Drew]

Ask your bf to talk to them? Lessen their worries or whatever it is they don't like!

[Daniel]

Kill them now before it's too late

[Brown, Jon Brow]

When it comes to in-laws I'm always far more concerned of what my future wife will think of my mother, rather what her mother thinks of me.

I wouldn't like to have my mum as my mother-in-law

[Eki]

Kill them now before it's too late
That would make her an outlaw.

[bowler]

Unless your partner recognises the issue, you have a long term problem.

If he does, then at least you can manage your way through what will be a difficult period.

Remember that you often turn into what your parents are, even if it doesn't appear so now.

If you can't work together ove rthis issue, get out now.

Good luck.

[slinkster]

Thanks everyone... The fiance is relatively understanding about how I feel and why. Me standing up for myself only got me in more trouble, because they didn't like me talking back to them. It's my partner I feel sorry for really- he's caught in the middle.

It's such a pain. They live in Northern Ireland so at least I don't have contact with them often but it's Christmas I dread the most. We're looking at spending christmas apart this year so fiance can go visit his family while I stay here with mine around people who treat me with respect. The thought of doing this for the rest of my life isn't great though. :(

[Jag_Warrior]

Yeah, jokes aside, being in that situation for what may be the rest of your life would suck. Any chance that things will get better with time, or are they just determined to not like you? How long have you known them???

[allycat228]

If you do end up having to go to n.ireland this christmas and are anyware near portrush you can come and visit me as i am over their seeing my in laws

[slinkster]

Things with his Mum and Dad are better- we're civil to each other and have reached a point where other than the occasional irritating comment, things are workable. I get on with 2 out of 5 siblings. His 2 eldest sisters are determined to hate me and basically blame me for him being in England and for the fact that he seems to have grown up since leaving home... He cut contact with them for about a year but they've since started talking again, which is fine and great for him too- but yeah it's things like christmases that I worry about.

And then there's our wedding- I'm going to have to have them glaring at me on my wedding day which I'm not looking forward to (if we get round to planning it that is hehe). Urgh... it just plain old sucks. :( I hate the hassle.

hehe thanks alleycat! I'll bear that in mind, I might need a safe house! :D

[DonJippo]

Kill them now before it's too late

So you want to kill people who have given birth to your lovely wife :confused:

[Daniel]

So you want to kill people who have given birth to your lovely wife :confused:

Of course not :p

[Jag_Warrior]

Of course not :p

Oh great, so now you've changed your mind! I wish you'd PM'ed me or something. I don't know if I can reach the guys from Sicily, as they've already boarded the plane. So... just tell your inlaws not to start their car (or stand near any windows) until I get the cancellation in, m'kay?

[Hazell B]

Any advice much appreciated before my head implodes. Thanks. :(

Using the Hazell Plan has worked superbly for me. It involves telling the partner that his family isn't for you and then spending the next ten years totally blanking them. No visits, no greeting cards, no calls. Nothing. Let him take the strain ;)

Not so easy if he's close to them of course, but luckily my partner's equally intollerant of his family :D

[slinkster]

Hazell... this is how it has been I must say... and it's reassuring that this has worked for you. I can live in hope! I'm perfectly happy having no contact. What about Christmas? Have you had to endure any with "the others"??

[Jag_Warrior]

The Others?!

My gosh, you're about to marry into that group from Lost! If your boyfriend's name is Ben, that would be too creepy.

http://redriverpak.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/10_lost_lgl.jpg

[Hazell B]

What about Christmas? Have you had to endure any with "the others"??

Last time we met was Christmas Eve about 12 or 14 years ago, actually. Picture the scene ... my partner Mick's 3 sisters (HubbleBubble, Toil and Trouble as I call them) and their partners, Mick's thick brother (tried to top himself with a claw hammer and just dented his skull with the claws :rolleyes: He's a nose picker - at the table) and Mick's gormless mother are all there. Mick's father was a fairly rich guy who left them all many years ago for a life in Saudi running an airline, then died of cancer. He's the lucky one.

I've been forced to go along against my will, so took a horse out all day and got mighty sweaty. I'm still wearing stinking, muddy riding gear, in fact. I bought the cheapest, tackiest gifts possible and wrapped them badly. Mick feels duty bound to be there, but insists we take the dogs along (two Dobermanns at that time) as an excuse to get away early as they'll need feeding.

I speak only if spoken to, then during a lull in conversation ask the always dieting sister if she's pregnant or fat. I ask the career whore sister if she's still selling used cars for Audi. I ask the brother if he's a Labour or Tory voter (he replies "Neither. Conservative" Talk about stupid :rolleyes: ) and I confuse the mother by telling her my father's dead when she asks what he does for a living. I have no idea what's confusing about my answer, so when she asks for the third time I say he lies very still in a hole in the ground for a job. She accepts that .....

I am not exactly invited again :D :D :D

[Hazell B]

Oh, almost forgot.

In case you need to keep the hostilities going, store gossip about them and hit them with little remarks in Christmas cards or when they call asking for your partner. For example, one of Mick's sisters has a new husband who is a drink driver. I always ask if he's had any more accidents recently :p : Another is married to somebody who's family owns a fairly big professional riding yard, so I have a quick look at show results and mention the competitions they lost in :up:

Well, we all have to have a hobby :rotflmao:

[slinkster]

Hazell, expertly done I have to say! You make it sound like a sport... :laugh:

[Mark in Oshawa]

Hazell...you are one NASTY woman when provoked. I like that...lol....wish I was more like this with my ex and her idiot family. I tried my best to be accepted, and they dumped on me like a herd a cattle when it suited them.

I may not have to deal with them, but I wont ever let inlaws dump on me again. Then again, my current in-laws are delightfully wacky and kind to me, and my bro-in-law is one of my best drinking buddies the two times a year we get to go do something, so life IS better.

Slinkster, If your man loves you and you DON'T doubt that, then you will find a way to suffer his idiot family with grace and style. Since not all the siblings hate you, just talk to them and ignore the idiots who cant understand why a man would leave Ulster for a job in England. Last I heard, that was an EASY choice even if a beautiful woman was not the enticement....

[leopard]

... or in my case... almost-in-laws.

How do you deal with annoying/borderline psycho/nasty/ignorant/close-minded/bitchy inlaws??? :confused:

Any advice much appreciated before my head implodes. Thanks. :(

Are they serious...?

[Hazell B]

You make it sound like a sport... :laugh:

Life is sport to me. I love it :)

Had my first conact with my partner's family in years last night. His mother rang to tell him the sister who married a drunk has chucked said drunk out. Now she has no money, no way to afford the house they bought only 18 months ago, negative equity, a divorce to pay for and she's lonely.

I think that's known as karma :laugh: