The Phantom
8th July 2009, 08:54
A few days ago before the race as I discussed weighty race matters with a fellow enthusiast after suitably adjusting our headsets he asked me what kind of magic did I think Valentino uses to dominate his competition? As support he offered up the following observations: wizards and witches always have familiars (think black cat, etc.) Rossi has Uccio, who very well might turn into a slinky black feline when they are out of the spotlight back in their lair. He's always with Rossi, everywhere. Hmmm…
Then he went on to talk about how the moon and sun motifs on his kit are graphically striking, yes, but do they have any deeper significance?
So that got me to thinking a bit (well, at least it felt like thinking) and I pondered the significance of the whole Tribu dei Chihuahua thing. So later I Googled my ass off and basically have nothing concrete to sink my teeth into other than a dusty factoid about a fierce band of Indians that lived long ago in the Canyon del Cobre and adjacent areas in what is now known as the state of Chihuahua in Mexico – known as "la tribu de Chihuahua" And no, I don't think Valentino is referencing the quaking rat dogs that so many people inexplicably get gaga over – so this leads me to make the thundering proclamation that I think it's quite possible that maybe there might be some Shamanic action that the master has tapped into and is using it to deadly effect this year in particular…
We can all come back and ponder this at another time, however there was some racing that needs to be reviewed so let's get on with it...
FP 1, 2 and QP were, if nothing else, fascinating and quite possibly more interesting than the race itself. What with the mighty marsupial licker now certifiably sicker than a koala after eating a wallaby burger, Barfy Stoner has risen to a new level – yes, he can be a bitchy little sap if he doesn't win, but to keep pulling off top 3 fast times when most of us would be hugging the porcelain and whimpering for mummy, well let's say he's got my respect, but that didn't mean he got any love from the Yamaha factory team...
First, Lunatico has solidified his reputation as a total nut job by not only crashing out once, but then going out and setting pole after only 2 laps on his backup bike and then continuing to push as if his life depended on it only to highside hizazz all the way to Santa Cruz. So what if he only dislocated his collarbone and broke a metatarsal? Plenty more stuff that ain't broken yet as they loaded his carcass onto a body board and carted him off to the clinica mobile to inject some painkillers into his aorta…
Then Barfy goes and flings the remains of his body onto the hard unforgiving Monterey asphalt. To be stretchered off, of course. Rossi meanwhile was not able to capitalise on the carnage and only managed to sneak second out from the feeble grip of Barfy...
Pendejo, aka The Tiny Bunged up Spaniard looked frighteningly fast all weekend and locked down 4th, with Doozy in 5th and another Spaniard who's been absent most of the school year suddenly resurgent on a frame from 1970 that Honda dug out of the shed out back and slapped some parts onto it with amazingly good results ensuing...
Then there was this resurgent dude that was nearly written off riding like he might actually have a chance at another top 10 – YeeHaw Haystacks pulled in a respectable 8th, to line up in the third row between the Redneck Longneck and Verminoodle. Predictably, the rest of the ers lined up as usual, with old jester Gibbers gripping 13th as tightly as a – (note to self, better hold off there – it's a family site̷)
And so on race day everyone wondered if Lunatico would race – and much to the relief of whoever was concerned, the team rolled out the engine hoist and lowered his broken and battered body held together with JB Weld and duct tape onto his bike. Barfy too was on his Duc, although reports have come in that he smelled like ye olde frat house after the fact and looked rather like a slice of pale cheddar…
Lights on and then out and dammit! The odious little weasel snuck a fast one and stuck his Honda out there like a soul pole on Viagra. Barfy and the Witch Doctor were all over themselves intimating at a possible repeat of some of the magic we saw last year, but as the tiny dingleberrry started gapping them, Rossi (who couldn't stand the smell of gastric ejecta any longer) shoved Barfy aside and set out to catch Pendejo…
Meanwhile, back in the field, the soon-to-be-departing Toseland jumped his start and conveniently didn't look at his pitboard for directions to come in and have a cuppa, so instead he got a meatball – flag that is, and his race was done. Then it was bumper bike derby as Gibbers, The Hungry Hungarian, Nono Capirossi (who shoulda remembered to take his Geritol) Doozy and DeTumblet all rolled around in the dirt trying to sample some of the fine local runoff…
With the already anemic field down to 10 or 12 riders, it was looking good for Haystacks to finish in the top ten, but hey, what's this? He's actually RACING that thing – done up in resplendent American livery. He would go on to hold 5th for most of the race and pull down what had to have felt like a small victory, his aw shucks smile spoke volumes about the progress he's making – I for one hope it continues…
So it came to pass that the race got all processional and I began looking for lint in my belly button, but as we neared the end all of a sudden there was action as Lunatico, who got all but swallowed up in the chaos of the start, clawed his way up the field and onto Rossis' tail – with but a few laps to go he made a desperate bid for second and nearly made my prediction about the teammates taking themselves out come true! But he miraculously saved what would have been a very nasty crash and settled back down into third, where he would finish. But now with my adrenaline up and my hunt for lost lint all but forgotten, Rossi suddenly was all over Pendejo like pesto on pasta and on the very last lap (because the little odious weasely bastige had let off too soon, actually) nearly passed him, but it was not to be and so it was that for the first time since Nicky won it oh so long ago, a Repsol Honda was on the top step...
And now for the coverage – I was amazed that we had at least some semblance of knowledgable broadcasting this year – with only Greg The White Whale getting geewhizzy about the Ducatis CF swingarm – granted, it's a MASSIVE swingarm. And now at least we know it helps the rear wheel to track straight. I always wondered about that…
Was it me or was it was weird that they went straight to the race without so much as showing the poor eejits who knew not what the grid was like a glimpse of the line up, but so it goes. The post-race gibberish was interesting, and we saw for fact that Barfy really is not at all well as he slid off his bike and slunk into the confines of the team garage on wobbly knees. His left hand in obvious pain...
Rossi looked displeased, as his mojo had no effect on the slinky weasel who may be able to save his career if this run of form continues. Betcha a dollar to a canolli that the Wizard will be concocting something suitably powerful for the next round at the 'ring in Germany. No word from Lunatico as he was rushed off and plugged into the dopamine dispenser to help him be able to stand up for the awards ceremony. And bonus that we got to hear Nicholas Hayden talk about the race – he sounded as giddy as a teenager after he'd just gotten some for the first time…
So it came to pass that the MotoGP circus wrapped up as the real freak show was about to begin…
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right…
And now, to liven up discussion amongst our motley crew, I would like to posit this inquiry to my esteemed Vfarians – what is it with some people in motorsports lately?
Exhibit #1, the Roger Edmondson Series (formerly known as the AMA) obviously has hired the chimps who used to do the announcing for Faux News' live coverage to run the Stuporbike race – how else to explain the random and highly dangerous use of pace cars and snafu'ed start action… All the major international teams in attendance laughed their asses off and gave thanks they didn't have to race in the US under such ineptitude. And I would have loved to have been a fly on a wall nearby as Nicky pretty much lost it and went postal in the race marshals' faces, apparently making it onto the big screen on site which got the fans all lathered up as well. If you don't know what happened, the race was aborted after a jump start from Tommy Hayden and the field took off – the start was deemed still-born and yellow flags stared flying, but the clincher was the pace car that was unleashed on the track and basically came to a rest in a highly dangerous part of the track. After the race Mladin used some carefully chosen words to basically say that if anyone says anything, there' will be repercussions. How low has 'murican racing sunk? It's like a catfish baby, on the bottom, sucking mud…
Exhibit #2, (apropos of nothing, but fascinating, in a morbid sorta way) the rabid F1 gnome known as Bernie Ecclestone lauding Hitler for "being a guy who could get things done…"
I too am speechless. At least we have Caribou Barbie up in Alaska knocking down the Michael Jackson hysteria a notch or two by proving she too should be in motorsports, not politics…
MotoGP Results :
1Dani PedrosaRepsol HondaHonda
2Valentino RossiFiat YamahaYamaha
3Jorge LorenzoFiat YamahaYamaha
4Casey StonerDucati MarlboroDucati
5Nicky HaydenDucati MarlboroDucati
6Tony EliasSan Carlo Honda GresiniHonda
7Colin Edwards IITech 3 YamahaYamaha
8Chris VermeulenRizla SuzukiSuzuki
9Randy De PunietLCR HondaHonda
10Marco MelandriHayate RacingKawasaki
11Alex De AngelisSan Carlo Honda GresiniHonda
12Niccolo CanepaPramac RacingDucati
Then he went on to talk about how the moon and sun motifs on his kit are graphically striking, yes, but do they have any deeper significance?
So that got me to thinking a bit (well, at least it felt like thinking) and I pondered the significance of the whole Tribu dei Chihuahua thing. So later I Googled my ass off and basically have nothing concrete to sink my teeth into other than a dusty factoid about a fierce band of Indians that lived long ago in the Canyon del Cobre and adjacent areas in what is now known as the state of Chihuahua in Mexico – known as "la tribu de Chihuahua" And no, I don't think Valentino is referencing the quaking rat dogs that so many people inexplicably get gaga over – so this leads me to make the thundering proclamation that I think it's quite possible that maybe there might be some Shamanic action that the master has tapped into and is using it to deadly effect this year in particular…
We can all come back and ponder this at another time, however there was some racing that needs to be reviewed so let's get on with it...
FP 1, 2 and QP were, if nothing else, fascinating and quite possibly more interesting than the race itself. What with the mighty marsupial licker now certifiably sicker than a koala after eating a wallaby burger, Barfy Stoner has risen to a new level – yes, he can be a bitchy little sap if he doesn't win, but to keep pulling off top 3 fast times when most of us would be hugging the porcelain and whimpering for mummy, well let's say he's got my respect, but that didn't mean he got any love from the Yamaha factory team...
First, Lunatico has solidified his reputation as a total nut job by not only crashing out once, but then going out and setting pole after only 2 laps on his backup bike and then continuing to push as if his life depended on it only to highside hizazz all the way to Santa Cruz. So what if he only dislocated his collarbone and broke a metatarsal? Plenty more stuff that ain't broken yet as they loaded his carcass onto a body board and carted him off to the clinica mobile to inject some painkillers into his aorta…
Then Barfy goes and flings the remains of his body onto the hard unforgiving Monterey asphalt. To be stretchered off, of course. Rossi meanwhile was not able to capitalise on the carnage and only managed to sneak second out from the feeble grip of Barfy...
Pendejo, aka The Tiny Bunged up Spaniard looked frighteningly fast all weekend and locked down 4th, with Doozy in 5th and another Spaniard who's been absent most of the school year suddenly resurgent on a frame from 1970 that Honda dug out of the shed out back and slapped some parts onto it with amazingly good results ensuing...
Then there was this resurgent dude that was nearly written off riding like he might actually have a chance at another top 10 – YeeHaw Haystacks pulled in a respectable 8th, to line up in the third row between the Redneck Longneck and Verminoodle. Predictably, the rest of the ers lined up as usual, with old jester Gibbers gripping 13th as tightly as a – (note to self, better hold off there – it's a family site̷)
And so on race day everyone wondered if Lunatico would race – and much to the relief of whoever was concerned, the team rolled out the engine hoist and lowered his broken and battered body held together with JB Weld and duct tape onto his bike. Barfy too was on his Duc, although reports have come in that he smelled like ye olde frat house after the fact and looked rather like a slice of pale cheddar…
Lights on and then out and dammit! The odious little weasel snuck a fast one and stuck his Honda out there like a soul pole on Viagra. Barfy and the Witch Doctor were all over themselves intimating at a possible repeat of some of the magic we saw last year, but as the tiny dingleberrry started gapping them, Rossi (who couldn't stand the smell of gastric ejecta any longer) shoved Barfy aside and set out to catch Pendejo…
Meanwhile, back in the field, the soon-to-be-departing Toseland jumped his start and conveniently didn't look at his pitboard for directions to come in and have a cuppa, so instead he got a meatball – flag that is, and his race was done. Then it was bumper bike derby as Gibbers, The Hungry Hungarian, Nono Capirossi (who shoulda remembered to take his Geritol) Doozy and DeTumblet all rolled around in the dirt trying to sample some of the fine local runoff…
With the already anemic field down to 10 or 12 riders, it was looking good for Haystacks to finish in the top ten, but hey, what's this? He's actually RACING that thing – done up in resplendent American livery. He would go on to hold 5th for most of the race and pull down what had to have felt like a small victory, his aw shucks smile spoke volumes about the progress he's making – I for one hope it continues…
So it came to pass that the race got all processional and I began looking for lint in my belly button, but as we neared the end all of a sudden there was action as Lunatico, who got all but swallowed up in the chaos of the start, clawed his way up the field and onto Rossis' tail – with but a few laps to go he made a desperate bid for second and nearly made my prediction about the teammates taking themselves out come true! But he miraculously saved what would have been a very nasty crash and settled back down into third, where he would finish. But now with my adrenaline up and my hunt for lost lint all but forgotten, Rossi suddenly was all over Pendejo like pesto on pasta and on the very last lap (because the little odious weasely bastige had let off too soon, actually) nearly passed him, but it was not to be and so it was that for the first time since Nicky won it oh so long ago, a Repsol Honda was on the top step...
And now for the coverage – I was amazed that we had at least some semblance of knowledgable broadcasting this year – with only Greg The White Whale getting geewhizzy about the Ducatis CF swingarm – granted, it's a MASSIVE swingarm. And now at least we know it helps the rear wheel to track straight. I always wondered about that…
Was it me or was it was weird that they went straight to the race without so much as showing the poor eejits who knew not what the grid was like a glimpse of the line up, but so it goes. The post-race gibberish was interesting, and we saw for fact that Barfy really is not at all well as he slid off his bike and slunk into the confines of the team garage on wobbly knees. His left hand in obvious pain...
Rossi looked displeased, as his mojo had no effect on the slinky weasel who may be able to save his career if this run of form continues. Betcha a dollar to a canolli that the Wizard will be concocting something suitably powerful for the next round at the 'ring in Germany. No word from Lunatico as he was rushed off and plugged into the dopamine dispenser to help him be able to stand up for the awards ceremony. And bonus that we got to hear Nicholas Hayden talk about the race – he sounded as giddy as a teenager after he'd just gotten some for the first time…
So it came to pass that the MotoGP circus wrapped up as the real freak show was about to begin…
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right…
And now, to liven up discussion amongst our motley crew, I would like to posit this inquiry to my esteemed Vfarians – what is it with some people in motorsports lately?
Exhibit #1, the Roger Edmondson Series (formerly known as the AMA) obviously has hired the chimps who used to do the announcing for Faux News' live coverage to run the Stuporbike race – how else to explain the random and highly dangerous use of pace cars and snafu'ed start action… All the major international teams in attendance laughed their asses off and gave thanks they didn't have to race in the US under such ineptitude. And I would have loved to have been a fly on a wall nearby as Nicky pretty much lost it and went postal in the race marshals' faces, apparently making it onto the big screen on site which got the fans all lathered up as well. If you don't know what happened, the race was aborted after a jump start from Tommy Hayden and the field took off – the start was deemed still-born and yellow flags stared flying, but the clincher was the pace car that was unleashed on the track and basically came to a rest in a highly dangerous part of the track. After the race Mladin used some carefully chosen words to basically say that if anyone says anything, there' will be repercussions. How low has 'murican racing sunk? It's like a catfish baby, on the bottom, sucking mud…
Exhibit #2, (apropos of nothing, but fascinating, in a morbid sorta way) the rabid F1 gnome known as Bernie Ecclestone lauding Hitler for "being a guy who could get things done…"
I too am speechless. At least we have Caribou Barbie up in Alaska knocking down the Michael Jackson hysteria a notch or two by proving she too should be in motorsports, not politics…
MotoGP Results :
1Dani PedrosaRepsol HondaHonda
2Valentino RossiFiat YamahaYamaha
3Jorge LorenzoFiat YamahaYamaha
4Casey StonerDucati MarlboroDucati
5Nicky HaydenDucati MarlboroDucati
6Tony EliasSan Carlo Honda GresiniHonda
7Colin Edwards IITech 3 YamahaYamaha
8Chris VermeulenRizla SuzukiSuzuki
9Randy De PunietLCR HondaHonda
10Marco MelandriHayate RacingKawasaki
11Alex De AngelisSan Carlo Honda GresiniHonda
12Niccolo CanepaPramac RacingDucati