oily oaf
17th February 2007, 07:54
When I mention the name Mark In Oshawa, what imagery immediately comes to mind my friends?
A staunchly loyal and highly valued forum mainstay?
A hard working stiff whose work ethic and integrity are beyond reproach?
A man whose knowledge of large antler bearing mammals and their breeding habits is second only to that of Eki.
Well yes my friends I thought all of these things and more. Indeed I once harboured a wild and crazy notion that one day we could be more than just friends :bonce:
Well no more! What I am about to reveal will shock you to the very core of your being and will no doubt have you reaching for a large stiff one. "Down Hazell. Down I say!"
Allow me to elaborate (strides into downstairs toilet and starts to elaborate furiously into a bucket).
You see my brethren I have it from the utmost unimpeachable source that for at least a fortnight MIO has been lying through his vile Canadian teeth to all of us :eek:
In short I have discovered that half the time he is NOT in Oshawa at all. :s murf:
I first suspected this subterfuge when he recently informed a rapt forum that he was about to embark on a truck borne odyssey across the North American continent carrying rubber goods and things for the weekend to sustain the needs of middle aged preachers and their wives throughout the length and breadth of The Bible Belt.
Smelling a rat I arranged through one of my high ranking contacts in the FBI (I once had a bondage session with the lady that used to iron J Edgar Hoover's frilly drawers) to have a small tracking device fitted to his laptop.
The subsequent data feedback was both shocking and damning in the extreme.
On one occasion when he claimed to be in Oshawa he was actually posting from "Lazy Lil Soprano's" a notorious rub and tug shop in downtown Memphis oft frequented by the itinerant Brazilian transexual librarian community.
On another he was lying under his truck in Dallas taking surreptitious photo graphs of passing elderly women.
But perhaps most shocking of all was the evening when I noticed that the signal from his transmitter was almost ear splitting in intensity and upon drawing my curtains I clearly saw outlined in the gloom of my back yard a burly, hunched figure in a baseball cap wearing a T shirt bearing the legend "One Mean Trucker"
Closer inspection revealed that he was attempting to lure next doors underage cat into his cab by placing small pieces of cod down his trousers and calling gently "Chase me tiddles. Chase me"
In conclusion my dearest friends I have to ask you this one question.
Is this the kind of grubby individual with whom you would like to continue conducting forumnal intercourse?
I say he should be banned forthwith or better still we should burn him face down, yes face down, in his cab before he can furnish us with anymore of his spurious geographical inaccuracies.
(picks up pitchfork and waves it aloft before going outside and boarding No 36 bus to Oshawa)
PS Mark. You couldn't lend me a few dollars till next Tuesday could ya mate?
I wouldn't ask buddy but I've done all me money on a two bob donkey in the 1.30 at Market Rasen)
A staunchly loyal and highly valued forum mainstay?
A hard working stiff whose work ethic and integrity are beyond reproach?
A man whose knowledge of large antler bearing mammals and their breeding habits is second only to that of Eki.
Well yes my friends I thought all of these things and more. Indeed I once harboured a wild and crazy notion that one day we could be more than just friends :bonce:
Well no more! What I am about to reveal will shock you to the very core of your being and will no doubt have you reaching for a large stiff one. "Down Hazell. Down I say!"
Allow me to elaborate (strides into downstairs toilet and starts to elaborate furiously into a bucket).
You see my brethren I have it from the utmost unimpeachable source that for at least a fortnight MIO has been lying through his vile Canadian teeth to all of us :eek:
In short I have discovered that half the time he is NOT in Oshawa at all. :s murf:
I first suspected this subterfuge when he recently informed a rapt forum that he was about to embark on a truck borne odyssey across the North American continent carrying rubber goods and things for the weekend to sustain the needs of middle aged preachers and their wives throughout the length and breadth of The Bible Belt.
Smelling a rat I arranged through one of my high ranking contacts in the FBI (I once had a bondage session with the lady that used to iron J Edgar Hoover's frilly drawers) to have a small tracking device fitted to his laptop.
The subsequent data feedback was both shocking and damning in the extreme.
On one occasion when he claimed to be in Oshawa he was actually posting from "Lazy Lil Soprano's" a notorious rub and tug shop in downtown Memphis oft frequented by the itinerant Brazilian transexual librarian community.
On another he was lying under his truck in Dallas taking surreptitious photo graphs of passing elderly women.
But perhaps most shocking of all was the evening when I noticed that the signal from his transmitter was almost ear splitting in intensity and upon drawing my curtains I clearly saw outlined in the gloom of my back yard a burly, hunched figure in a baseball cap wearing a T shirt bearing the legend "One Mean Trucker"
Closer inspection revealed that he was attempting to lure next doors underage cat into his cab by placing small pieces of cod down his trousers and calling gently "Chase me tiddles. Chase me"
In conclusion my dearest friends I have to ask you this one question.
Is this the kind of grubby individual with whom you would like to continue conducting forumnal intercourse?
I say he should be banned forthwith or better still we should burn him face down, yes face down, in his cab before he can furnish us with anymore of his spurious geographical inaccuracies.
(picks up pitchfork and waves it aloft before going outside and boarding No 36 bus to Oshawa)
PS Mark. You couldn't lend me a few dollars till next Tuesday could ya mate?
I wouldn't ask buddy but I've done all me money on a two bob donkey in the 1.30 at Market Rasen)