Indiana Oaf And The Hedgerow Of Doom

[oily oaf]

Calling all keen horticulturists! (people who know a bit about gardening)
I find myself in need of some sage (see wot I did there?) advice with regard to the planting of a hedgerow that will not only be fairly aesthetically pleasing but that will also inflict sickening and hopefully long lasting injury to all who come into contact with it :)

I shall explain.
I recently built a small wall about 3 feet high and 20 feet long to border the sacred albeit meagre plot of land that constitutes my front garden.
At roughly 5 foot intervals I added a pillar of some 5 foot in height in order to break up the monotony of it's outline and 'cos I'd ordered too may bricks :(
Now in order too add rigidity to the pillars and to prevent them from toppling over in a gentle breeze and killing small children and Somali asylum seekers I bolted a length of wooden picket between each pillar which I have lovely stained a glorious vomit green colour.

Now here's the rub.
Just recently I have returned from my vehicular based travails only to notice that said picket sections have taken on a rather jaunty angle as if subjected to conditions not dissimilar to Hurricane Katrina and that in one or 2 spots fractures can be visibly discerned :cat:

A brief situation report from my next door neighbour has revealed that during my brief hours "awa at the toil" (little bit of Glaswegian there folks) the local teenage intelligentsia have been using my wall and in particular the picket which intersperses it in a valiant attempt to remain upright causing the poor unsuspecting edifice to take on the alarming aspect described above.

So to cut a long story short (pauses while sighs of relief wheeze asthmatically from speakers) I have hit upon the fiendish ploy of planting a rather lethal hedge just behind my pride and joy which will hopefully intertwine with the picket and thus deter any further leaning based activities from the indigenous chav population.

Right here's the crux.
What species of horticultural horror would best fill the bill?
I'm looking at something that grows with bewildering speed, looks quite nice but above all will inflict injury of such a horrific aspect that a permanent member of The London Ambulance Service will have to be on hand 24/7 :arrowed:

Your expertise will be most warmly received and a crisp fiver goes to the first manjack among you that comes up with the most life threatening suggestion.
This will be topped up in due course by further £5.00 postal orders every time I discover blood or traces of torn human flesh in it's luxuriant but lethal leaf growth.

I'm thanking you in slavering, bloodthirsty anticipation my friends.

OK Over to you Hazell ;)

[edv]

Perhaps a 2-pronged attack strategy may work...start with chemical deterrents such as poison oak or poison ivy, interspersed with some prickly deterrents such as raspberries or rosebushes.
The latter 2 also serve as fodder for extricating oneself from compromising situations vis a vis the missus (if you've been a bad boy)

[oily oaf]

Perhaps a 2-pronged attack strategy may work...start with chemical deterrents such as poison oak or poison ivy, interspersed with some prickly deterrents such as raspberries or rosebushes.
The latter 2 also serve as fodder for extricating oneself from compromising situations vis a vis the missus (if you've been a bad boy)

POISON Oak, POISON Ivy you say?
I'm loving your work baby. I'm loving your work :D

Ps I'm NEVER a bad boy :mad:

[Ian McC]

We require....................... a shrubbery! :D

[edv]

http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b166/edvedv/Misc/th_thThe_Knights_Who_Say_Ni_by_livius.gif

[oily oaf]

Right now this isn't good enough is it?
I make a simple request for advice as to which is the most murderous type of foliage known to man with which to ring fence my blessed plot and so far all I've had by way of feedback is my Canadian buddy edv who after a promising start in which he recommended 2 types of plant which I am reliably informed do not grow in this country then lost the plot and decided to play Monty Python silly buggers with Mac.
Thanks a bunch fellas. ;)

Where's Hazell when you need 'er eh?
Last night I said to my old woman "Don't worry girl I've got it sorted. I'm gonna have a chat with a nice Yorkshire lass who'll set us straight in the lethal leaf department. She's a delightful lady who knows her plants but she's also a bit of a wrong'un so she'll now how to hurt people too" :)

'ere I hope she hasn't fallen off her horse or somthing :(

[Eki]

So to cut a long story short (pauses while sighs of relief wheeze asthmatically from speakers) I have hit upon the fiendish ploy of planting a rather lethal hedge just behind my pride and joy which will hopefully intertwine with the picket and thus deter any further leaning based activities from the indigenous chav population.

I suggest that you just grease the fence with something you have in excess in your garage. That way the chavs will neatly slide off the fence or at least get a fourth stripe on their Adidas trainers.

[oily oaf]

I suggest that you just grease the fence with something you have in excess in your garage. That way the chavs will neatly slide off the fence or at least get a fourth stripe on their Adidas trainers.

Eki old friend For a lilly livered half assed Scandinavian surrender monkey (Fousto's words not mine) you can be very cruel sometimes ;)

[Firstgear]

Don't invest in ANY plants - all they do is rob our atmosphere of precious CO2. Here's my suggestions: Cover up the vomit green with a nice bright frilly coat of pink. That'll keep 'em away.

You'll have to decide what's worse - teenagers, or ugly pink fence.

[Hazell B]

....a crisp fiver goes to the first manjack among you that comes up with the most life threatening suggestion.
This will be topped up in due course by further £5.00 postal orders every time I discover blood or traces of torn human flesh in it's luxuriant but lethal leaf growth.




I've been busy. But am still easily going to claim not only my fiver, but many, many further crispy five pound notes over the coming years. I may well retire, in fact.

Sharp hedges are what I grow. I grow sharp hedges.

Evergreens.
Assorted Berberis could be used. Some are fast growing evergreens, some drop their leaves. All flower, produce berries and have great leaf colours. Look at labels in garden centres for eventual size, etc. Then tell me what you want and get them cheaper :laugh:

Pyracantha is sharper, evergreen and has flowers and berries, but isn't quite as fast growing (which makes it easier to deal with in future years, though) and can be too sharp. Yes, too sharp :p :
Try Mohave for the best pyracantha, or one of the red berried spire ones.

Best of the Rest.
Roses. Not the girly pretty ones, the savage native ones. I can send you several bare rooted ones next winter for free, or you can order for about 50p each from nurseries now. Dog rose, rosa glaucia (the best one) or Scotts briar are fast growers that all flower and are a doddle to plant and allow to bite anyone passing.

Berberis Atropurporea ('scuse spelling - I'm tired) is another good, very fast, evil berberis. It drops it's leaves, but will mix with roses and evergreens to look good enough all year round. My personal favourite, it's brilliant stuff.

Hawthorn, blackthorn or privet are pointless for you. Too slow, too ugly. Laurel might work, but isn't sharp. It is, however, fashionable and will cover the kids in dirt as it harbours muck. It's terrible to clip, though.

Natidas are good, though not sharp, as they're easy to grow, clip and look good all year. Yellow Natida Baggesens Gold is nice.

Personally I'd go for a mixed hedge of assorted berberis, natida, roses and pyracantha. Looks good, all flower at different times and it's sharp in places. Plant 18 to 24 inches between plants, keep watered and feed with weak general stuff the first summer. You'll pay about £5 to £9 per plant down sarf, or £1.60 to £2.50 each oop north. While they're growing tall, use annual climbers in the gaps.

Buy gloves before the plants.

Send the fiver soon. Start saving for the next payments now.

[oily oaf]

I've been busy. But am still easily going to claim not only my fiver, but many, many further crispy five pound notes over the coming years. I may well retire, in fact.

Sharp hedges are what I grow. I grow sharp hedges.

Evergreens.
Assorted Berberis could be used. Some are fast growing evergreens, some drop their leaves. All flower, produce berries and have great leaf colours. Look at labels in garden centres for eventual size, etc. Then tell me what you want and get them cheaper :laugh:

Pyracantha is sharper, evergreen and has flowers and berries, but isn't quite as fast growing (which makes it easier to deal with in future years, though) and can be too sharp. Yes, too sharp :p :
Try Mohave for the best pyracantha, or one of the red berried spire ones.

Best of the Rest.
Roses. Not the girly pretty ones, the savage native ones. I can send you several bare rooted ones next winter for free, or you can order for about 50p each from nurseries now. Dog rose, rosa glaucia (the best one) or Scotts briar are fast growers that all flower and are a doddle to plant and allow to bite anyone passing.

Berberis Atropurporea ('scuse spelling - I'm tired) is another good, very fast, evil berberis. It drops it's leaves, but will mix with roses and evergreens to look good enough all year round. My personal favourite, it's brilliant stuff.

Hawthorn, blackthorn or privet are pointless for you. Too slow, too ugly. Laurel might work, but isn't sharp. It is, however, fashionable and will cover the kids in dirt as it harbours muck. It's terrible to clip, though.

Natidas are good, though not sharp, as they're easy to grow, clip and look good all year. Yellow Natida Baggesens Gold is nice.

Personally I'd go for a mixed hedge of assorted berberis, natida, roses and pyracantha. Looks good, all flower at different times and it's sharp in places. Plant 18 to 24 inches between plants, keep watered and feed with weak general stuff the first summer. You'll pay about £5 to £9 per plant down sarf, or £1.60 to £2.50 each oop north. While they're growing tall, use annual climbers in the gaps.

Buy gloves before the plants.

Send the fiver soon. Start saving for the next payments now.

Hazell my dear, you are a star.
An unforgiveably tardy star admittedly but a star for all that :D

Seriously. Thankyou so much for taking the time and trouble to furnish an old pyschopath with such a plethora of deadly weaponry.

I owe ya one love.
Thankyou. :)

PS expect a monotonous series of deeply tedious follow up PMs as I struggle manfully in my battle against nature :(

[Hazell B]

So don't battle nature :confused:

You'll never win that fight :p :

[Ian McC]

I think you came up with the title of the thread first and the contents second :p :

[jim mcglinchey]

So don't battle nature :confused:

You'll never win that fight :p :

While we're on the subject, Hazell, what will nourish a privet hedge best? Part of our front hedge is in a very narrow part of the bed and every winter that bit of the hedge sheds all of its leaves. How can I compensate for the lack of soil there?

[koppite_rob]

Ill second Hazell Berberis is the future of anti social plants for stopping anti social kids.Plant a few holly bushes in their also to add some Winter colour and attach a car battery to a wire if all else fails :D

[oily oaf]

So don't battle nature :confused:

You'll never win that fight :p :

Right that's it :mad:
You know me love, can't resist a challenge.
(slips in gumshield, strides into garden and delivers stinging overhand right to next doors rambling rose)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????? Christ that bloody hurt that did :(

Next week: I chronicle my epic 15 round cruiserweight tussle with a highly motivated and hyped up dwarf conifer from Mablethorpe in which I lost a gruelling encounter by a hotly contested split decision after I had points deducted in the 4th and 13th for illegal use of the trowel :mad:

[oily oaf]

Ill second Hazell Berberis is the future of anti social plants for stopping anti social kids.Plant a few holly bushes in their also to add some Winter colour and attach a car battery to a wire if all else fails :D

Ah Robbo. I should have known that a Scouser would have some excellent albeit deeply psychotic tips on how to deal with Scallies ;)

Jim. Get yer own personal gardener mate :vader:

Blimey it's getting a bit like the BBC's Gardener's Question Time on here innit? :D

Can I be Professor Alan Gemmil from Ashton Under Lyme? :robo:

[Hazell B]

While we're on the subject, Hazell, what will nourish a privet hedge best?

Two options.
Cheap version - go to local horse owner, bag up elderly horse doo and spread 4-6 inches thick in space available. Try finding bits of the muck heap with wood shavings instead of straw in them. Straw holds seeds and uses loads of nitrogen whist rotting.
Better version - go to B&Q, buy a large tub of chicken doo pellets (£6) and a few bales of coir fibre (or peat free growbags) and use that as a mulch. Coir won't dry out and blow away like peat and is far, far better for the environment. Add loads of chicken pellets, ignore the intructions. Won't smell bad within a week or two, don't worry.

Privet drops leaves when stressed or too cold.

Rob, much as I love holly it isn't suitable for Oily. Too slow growing and highly pinchable in December :p :

Oily, dwarf conifers won't make cruiserweight. You were fighting a bit out of your limit there, my son :laugh:

[Eki]

Two options.
Cheap version - go to local horse owner, bag up elderly horse doo and spread 4-6 inches thick in space available.
Should the horse be elderly, or the doo?

[LotusElise]

Can you cultivate gorse bushes?
I only ask because they're absolutely lethal.

[jim mcglinchey]

[quote="Hazell B"]Two options.
Cheap version - go to local horse owner, bag up elderly horse doo and spread 4-6 inches thick in space available. Try finding bits of the muck heap with wood shavings instead of straw in them. Straw holds seeds and uses loads of nitrogen whist rotting.
Better version - go to B&Q, buy a large tub of chicken doo pellets (£6) and a few bales of coir fibre (or peat free growbags) and use that as a mulch. Coir won't dry out and blow away like peat and is far, far better for the environment. Add loads of chicken pellets, ignore the intructions. Won't smell bad within a week or two, don't worry.


chicken doo pellets! is this some sort of cynical attempt at murder by proxy?!
just kiddin Hazell, I thank you for your advice but I think ill try the cheaper option, after all the recent scare didnt put me off my Bernard Matthews sliced turkey sarnies, but i dont want to push my luck.

What about that polonium scare.....load of bolonium if you ask me.

[cobre]

ivy will work grown over a substrate of barbed wire to keep the social misfits at bay.

[CarlMetro]

I'm with Rob, but I'd go with bare copper cable plugged into the mains. Although you will have the undisireable task of clearing the dead bodies from the pathway at first, within a couple of months the local chav population should get the message :D

[Mark in Oshawa]

A little razor wire plugged into some juice might be even more fun. Not only would they be jumping, but they would be cut to ribbons as well. Oaf, it wouldn't be worth doing if the ambulance wasn't called in on occasion...

[Hazell B]

Not to mention the police :laugh:

You get one hell of a fine here for electric fence from a 12v battery without warning signs every twenty yards and never near footpaths - imagine the jail time for mains power and razor wire :p :

Got to be worth it, mind!

[Alexamateo]

As a shrubbery seller from the other side of the pond, I can't argue with her choices. There's also a plant called Christ's Thorn, although you may be a little far north for it to grow.

I once sold a job in a dodgy part of town, where these apartment owners didn't want the chavs cutting through. (Am I using my English slang correctly?) Their plant list was Pyracantha, Rotunda Hollies, and Hawthorn (Crataegus). A list right up your alley.

Now I would do one thing different than Hazell. She said a couple of plants were too slow growing, and while that is true, you can buy full grown plants for the right price. What's yer budget Oily? :D

[oily oaf]

As a shrubbery seller from the other side of the pond, I can't argue with her choices. There's also a plant called Christ's Thorn, although you may be a little far north for it to grow.

I once sold a job in a dodgy part of town, where these apartment owners didn't want the chavs cutting through. (Am I using my English slang correctly?) Their plant list was Pyracantha, Rotunda Hollies, and Hawthorn (Crataegus). A list right up your alley.

Now I would do one thing different than Hazell. She said a couple of plants were too slow growing, and while that is true, you can buy full grown plants for the right price. What's yer budget Oily? :D

If I told you my budget Alex you'd send me a food parcel :D
You probably won't believe this but I am now quite possibly the world's foremost authority on prickly hedges having spent hours trawling through various hedge based websites including evergreenhedging.com and killthechavs.org ;)
I'm definitely going to opt for the one beginning with "p" as this would appear to be the most likely to inflict wounds of a life threatening nature.
My personal gardener Hazell rather poetically described it as "Jesus's headband" and having seen it growing in a London park on Sunday I have to say she's not wrong.
Now humour me here guys as you're dealing with a bloke who can just about identify a carnation and that's only because I wear 'em at weddings but when should I plant my leafy assassins. Is now OK or do I have to wait for the advent of springtime?
What say you my little sages of the soil? :)

[Eki]

Is now OK or do I have to wait for the advent of springtime?


In the following video, Ian McC helps Oily to plant his hedge in exchange of Oily fixing his car:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX-RHTLSXL8

[Hazell B]

Is now OK or do I have to wait for the advent of springtime?
What say you my little sages of the soil? :)

Now is best, or any time until the start of April while it's cool and wet. After that you can still plant any pot grown stuff at any time of year, but you'll have to water it well for at least six weeks until the roots get out of their pot shape and make it to nature's own water supply.

You can buy bare root plants cheaper now, until the leaves start to open, via magazine articles in any gardening mag or do a search. I won't recommend any specific supplier as it's advertising and I haven't used them all anyway. Bare root means they're sent without any soil at all, just wrapped in paper, and they need planting ASAP then watering until Julyish. Cheap, fast away to growth and slightly harder work, but I've always bought in bare root when possible as it's worth the hassle.

Alexamateo's right, hawthorn would be okay. It's not as pretty and does drop blossom that get's all mushy in the rain, but it would serve. However, buying in large plants here is too expensive (you Yanks get stuff so much cheaper! :p : ) and they just don't settle as quickly. Stick to below 5 litre pots if possible. Spend a few quid on coir or compost instead of bigger plants, that way they'll grow faster and have good soil around them.

[Alexamateo]

So I guess you won't be planting this............

[Alexamateo]

...........or this :D

[oily oaf]

...........or this :D

Holy General Sherman Bat Alex!!!

I'll take a dozen of those babies :D

Gift wrapped of course :mad:

PS What are they?

[Hazell B]

PS What are they?

They're great big green things we can't afford Oily.

[Donney]

Holy General Sherman Bat Alex!!!

I'll take a dozen of those babies :D

Gift wrapped of course :mad:

PS What are they?

For the expert eyes, as mine.... :erm: and judging from my vast experience on this matter I can definitely say it is a tree.
:cool:

[oily oaf]

For the expert eyes, as mine.... :erm: and judging from my vast experience on this matter I can definitely say it is a tree.
:cool:

You say tree Donney, Hazell says Big Green Thing (that's latin.......probably)
Fer Chrissake what's a guy to think? :confused:

[Eki]

You say tree Donney, Hazell says Big Green Thing (that's latin.......probably)
Fer Chrissake what's a guy to think? :confused:
I say it's a midget leaning on a pot plant.

[Alexamateo]

For the record they are #670 gallon "D. D. Blanchard" Southern Magnolia and a 72 In. box Shumard Red Oak. Not sure that my conversion is 100 % accurate, but I believe they are 2535 liter "pots".

[Eki]

For the record they are #670 gallon "D. D. Blanchard" Southern Magnolia and a 72 In. box Shumard Red Oak. Not sure that my conversion is 100 % accurate, but I believe they are 2535 liter "pots".
So the midget is about 80 liters (20 gallons)?

[oily oaf]

I say it's a midget leaning on a pot plant.

:rotflmao: That's really rather good old chap :)

Just don't make a habit of it OK? :mad:
(lights pipe and tries to come to terms with fact that days as forum clown are numbered)

[Donney]

For the record they are #670 gallon "D. D. Blanchard" Southern Magnolia and a 72 In. box Shumard Red Oak. Not sure that my conversion is 100 % accurate, but I believe they are 2535 liter "pots".

Pots!?!?!?! Reservoirs you mean :eek:

:p :

[Hazell B]

So the midget is about 80 liters (20 gallons)?

Leave me out of this - I had a tough childhood and just never made the growth :p :

[race aficionado]

cool!
Is this where we get to share our hedges?

Oily, this one was easy to plant, easy to maintain and no one dares to get too close.

It's visually pleasant and the medicinal properties are wonderful.

no problemo.

:s mokin:

[oily oaf]

cool!
Is this where we get to share our hedges?

Oily, this one was easy to plant, easy to maintain and no one dares to get too close.

It's visually pleasant and the medicinal properties are wonderful.

no problemo.

:s mokin:

You've been strolling through The Bob Marley Memorial Gardens again haven't you Race.

Pass the Doritos there's a good boy ;)

Yours faithfully
Mr Kite
29 Abbey Road
Octopussy's Garden
In The Shade

[Alexamateo]

Me thinks I'm selling the wrong type plants :D :D :D

[Brown, Jon Brow]

Sorry but I have no-idea what this thread is about anymore. :dozey:



So has the hedge been fixed yet? Or have chavs nabbed off with it?

[race aficionado]

Sorry but I have no-idea what this thread is about anymore. :dozey:

It's still called: "Indiana Oaf And The Hedgerow Of Doom" and yes, there have been some commercial brakes but someone has to pay for this venture.



So has the hedge been fixed yet? Or have chavs nabbed off with it?

ahhh . . . the writter is on it, we will soon see previews of what's to come. . . . . . . . I think . . . . .

sorry B,JB . . . I don't exactly know what I'm talking about, I'm sampling my garden. Maintenace, you know.

:s mokin:

[Alexamateo]

Sorry but I have no-idea what this thread is about anymore. :dozey:



psst.............................That's not poison ivy!

[jim mcglinchey]

Right, lets get a bit of normalcy back into this thread.

Calling Hazell, can you advise me please about when, how , wheres best to plant a couple of plum trees. One's a Victoria type and the other is nt. They're both about 4 feet high.

My privet has resurrected too, you may be glad to hear.

[Hawkmoon]

We have a plant down here in Oz called lantana. It doesn't have the "medicinal" qualities of Race's "poison ivy" but it has been known to eat cricket balls, footballs, dogs, cats and the odd small child.

I think it comes from South America so it might be a little cold up there. If it does grow you can expect it to cover most of the UK in about 6 months. It's a vigourous little bugger. Has pink flowers though.

Oh, and it's completely impervious to everything you may use to try and kill it, up to and including nuclear weaponry. I swear to god, if we have a nuclear war all that will be left is cockroaches living under lantana bushes.

[Donney]

But will the lantana eat the local "chavery"? That remains to be seen.

[oily oaf]

So what I really need is Burberis, Gorse, Poison Oak, Lantana, Christ's Thorn, the one that begins with "P" and few cuttings from Race's Poison Ivy to make the planting process much more enjoyable than would normally be the case ;)

Sorted! :D

[Jaws]

Wait Pops!!

I've got it - Bouganvillia. Grows faster than a teenage boy's pecker at a Spice Girls concert, has large thorns, but has nice pretty pink flowers to lure the unsuspecting. Just the other day, Mrs Jaws got her bikini caught on the Bouganvillia that surounds our pool and it clean ripped it off much to the delight of Jawsy and our Blue Healer "Warnie". We both rushed to lick the wounds. Rotten mutt.

It is so effective that I am now planting it inside the house.

[Hawkmoon]

But will the lantana eat the local "chavery"? That remains to be seen.

I hadn't considered this. It is entirely possible that the lantana bush does indeed have a more refined palate and will not lower itself to such levels.

I will throw a few bogans (local equivalent of the chav) to the lantana and observe the results.

[Hazell B]

Calling Hazell, can you advise me please about when, how , wheres best to plant a couple of plum trees.



If they're in pots, any time you like. If they're bare rooted, now. Don't know about pollenators for plums, so no idea if they'll produce fruit between them - the labels should say. I don't handle fruit trees unless they're specifically ordered and even then I have to get advice from the guy who grows them originally :p :

Bouganvillia might be a bit big and too sweetly scented for Oily's needs. It's lovely stuff, but not seen here very often as it hates our weather.

[oily oaf]

If they're in pots, any time you like. If they're bare rooted, now. Don't know about pollenators for plums, so no idea if they'll produce fruit between them - the labels should say. I don't handle fruit trees unless they're specifically ordered and even then I have to get advice from the guy who grows them originally :p :

Bouganvillia might be a bit big and too sweetly scented for Oily's needs. It's lovely stuff, but not seen here very often as it hates our weather.

Go to your room Jawsie :mad:
Listen mate I had Bougainvillea(SP) growing outside my apartment when I spent a year in Lisbon and I swear there wasn't a thorn in sight.
Maybe the OZ version is a bit more macho than it's somewhat effeminate European counterpart mate ;)

It's a lovely bit of stuff I'll give you that but as my personal gardener points out I can't see it staying the course in London's polluted environs :(

PS I actually spotted a group of chavsters standing perilously close to my beloved wall on Sunday afternoon and gently pointed out what my course of action would be should I spot them in the vicinity again.

As they shuffled disconsolately away with hooded heads bowed I got the distinct impression that I'd made myself crystal clear :arrows:

[donKey jote]

Oily, forget the hedge and get yourself a few plant pots with carrots for your front window sills.
When you spot the chavs, remove the carrots and place them on your bedside table ;) :facelick: , grab the plant pots, take aim and hurl :)

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_3_166.gif

[race aficionado]

just be sure you hurl the plant pots and not the pot plants.

and carrots on your bedside table are an open invitation to a known burrito in this forum. . . . which is an OK thing.
Just keep him off the poison ivy - only a nibble will sufice.

:s mokin:

[Hazell B]

... carrots on your bedside table are an open invitation to a known burrito in this forum. . . . which is an OK thing.


I was going to offer a Raiders of the Lost Park pun, but now with race aficionado's post I feel The Lads Crusade might be more fitting :p :

[Jaws]

Aw shuck Pops, off to my room again. I promise to be good this time :andrea: