Light TV

[Eki]

Do you think there's too much violence on TV these days? Maybe we should create some light versions of shows. Here's my contribution:

Fluffy the Vampire Sprayer: It's about a girl who protests vampires non-violently by spray-painting them.

8: It's like 24 but it's about a guy who sits in his office from 9 to 5.

[Hazell B]

For you cinematic pleasure this summer ....

Diet Hard with a Vegetable.

Pilates of the Caribbean.

[schmenke]

Coat and taxi for Hazell :dozey:

[Rollo]

A Spanish version of the news on the BBC to be called World At Juan

To accomodate our friend across the Irish Sea, the Archers will now be broadcast on Radio 4 eight nights a week.

And finally your Christmas viewing schedule has been changed. On Christmas Night, ITV 1 will be showing Bring Me the Ham of Alfredo Garcia. :D

[BDunnell]

I always think it's a shame that there's already been a show called Muffin the Mule.

[A.F.F.]

VR. It's basicly like ER but happens at the railway station where obviously are not that much of those who need emergency medical help.

[Ian McC]

The Sopranos, which is actually about singers

[BeansBeansBeans]

Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Pleasantries...

Each week the legendary Scots chef visits a small, successful eaterie and enjoys some amiable small talk with the propieter before heading back home.

[BDunnell]

Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Pleasantries...

Each week the legendary Scots chef visits a small, successful eaterie and enjoys some amiable small talk with the propieter before heading back home.

Or indeed Ramsay Street's Kitchen Nightmares, including clips of Harold Bishop putting a bit too much dressing on a salad.

[jso1985]

CSI Reykjavik

Where nothing happens...

[Quattroporte]

SVU: Special Vehicles Unit. A team of Highly trained mechanics Restore old cars and make them special.

[viper_man]

Terminologyator - a friendly andriod presents a weekly kids programme on good grammar and language skills.

[Rollo]

In the national interest of more roughage in the diet, on BBC One for Wednesday Night will be an episode of The Bran Hospital

Since Peter's departure from the Beeb, weekdays at 5pm will remain relatively unchanged with episodes of Blue

ITV 1 continues it's programs for gardeners with the premiere screening of Bring Me the Shed of Alfredo Garcia :D

[Ian McC]

Start Trek - A group of old people go for a nice walk, hmm, sounds a bit like Star Trek! :D

[Quattroporte]

ER: A First Aid program for kids.

Or "Found": Program detailing the experiences of a group of kids who are no longer "Lost" (OK, so I'm struggling already)

[Azumanga Davo]

Or you could have the opposite effect, where light entertainment gets toughened up:

Follow the adventures of the murderous twin brothers awaiting parole in Chuckleprison.

[oily oaf]

Now showing at a cinema near you:

"The Weevil Bread" - A terrifying saga chronicling a long night of terror as a group of stranded American teenagers with dodgy haircuts spend one and three quarter hours staring morosely at a wholemeal loaf which has become infested with small burrowing insects.
DISCLAIMER - NO white loaves or large brown baps were harmed during the making of this production.

"I Spit On Your Dave" - A searing motion picture triumph recounting how Tracey, an opinionated teenage girl from Essex, expresses her utter contempt for her best mate's new boyfriend.

"Debbie Does Ballast" - A raunchy, high octane, "adult" flick depicting a young porn star's decent into degradation and despair when she secures a labouring job on a building site in Cleethorpes and is forced to mix concrete while a leering pack of Irish brickies look on playing with their spirit levels.
WARNING Contains some scenes of red hot Girl on Cement Mixer action

[Eki]

Starchy and Nuts: A classic baking show.

[A.F.F.]

Pimp my pencil. MTV hit the homerun with this show :s

[A.F.F.]

CSI Reykjavik

Where nothing happens...

:laugh: :up:

[Donney]

Home: where a limp doctor sits in his house watching TV and being friendly to all the food deliverers.

[Ian McC]

Lord Of The Rings - A jeweller attempts to be the best ring maker in town

[CarlMetro]

DIY Miami - A programme where the ginger haired presenter does basic jobs around the the house, aided by his team of assistants, whilst looking sideways at the camera

[A.F.F.]

Amazing Race - Home Edition. 11 couple race through pitstops placed on your backyard. And because elimination is a bit harsh word, they're are just dropped. :angel:

[BDunnell]

Or you could have the opposite effect, where light entertainment gets toughened up:

Follow the adventures of the murderous twin brothers awaiting parole in Chuckleprison.

Love it. Eki's Starchy and Nuts is an excellent idea too.

I still think there's a market for a hygiene show for insect collectors, How Clean Is Your Louse?.

[BDunnell]

Then there's the remake of an old favourite, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, in which a group of advertising executives gather in a toilet to argue over ownership of some white powder.

[janneppi]

DIY Miami - A programme where the ginger haired presenter does basic jobs around the the house, aided by his team of assistants, whilst looking sideways at the camera
Carl, this just for you. :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948

[CarlMetro]

I'll let you all use your own imagination for the new format of Strictly Come Dancing :\

[BDunnell]

I'll let you all use your own imagination for the new format of Strictly Come Dancing :\

I've always felt the title of that show was asking a bit much of the people involved.

[CarlMetro]

Westenders - The daily story of everyday life for the residents and workers of Sloane Square, in the west end of London. Lead charachetrs to include:

Pasha Michelle - Proprietor of a little winebar called Vickis
Grant Michelle - Son of Pasha, local businessman
Paolinna Le Fow - Matriarc of the Le Fow family, long time residents of Sloane Square
Marco Le Fow - Oldest son of Paolinna - owns the local organic produce stall

[Hazell B]

Coronation Sweet, a northern cookery show that appears right after Coronation Chicken, a southern cookery show.

On Christmas Day we can all sit down after lunch to The Queen's Massage, a ten minute glimpse into the world of Queenie's part time saturday night job in Soho :p :

[Eki]

Westenders - The daily story of everyday life for the residents and workers of Sloane Square, in the west end of London. Lead charachetrs to include:

Pasha Michelle - Proprietor of a little winebar called Vickis
Grant Michelle - Son of Pasha, local businessman
Paolinna Le Fow - Matriarc of the Le Fow family, long time residents of Sloane Square
Marco Le Fow - Oldest son of Paolinna - owns the local organic produce stall
It could have a spin-off called Deadenders. It's about people who are rubbish at navigating.

Lost and Found: A new police series that portrays the exciting and dangerous life at the lost and found department.

[BDunnell]

Diagnosis Myrrh: A special edition of Dick van Dyke's popular sleuthing show set around the time of the birth of Christ.

[Ian McC]

Eastbenders - the lifes of a family of gymnasts from Norfolk

[A.F.F.]

Life on Mars - An exciting miniseries of a group of scientists consentrating on finding a bacteria percentage of a chocolate bar.

[Rollo]

In these politically correct times and in the name of accuracy, a police drama set around Sunhill Police Station - The Invoice

With the impending devolution and split of Scotland from the UK, a sketch comedy program called Little England, Wales and Scotland

And your midday movie starring Ainsley Harriot - Bring Me The Head Chef of Alfredo Pasta :D

[BDunnell]

Police! Camera! Inaction!

[Ian McC]

Worlds wildest police brew ups! Tea and biscuits everywhere! :D

[BDunnell]

Next tonight, a thoughtful look at the problem of mental illness within the family, in Dad's Barmy.

That's followed by the popular religion-based satirical quiz, Have I Got Pews for You.

[Ian McC]

The latest update from the feline world - Have I Got Mews For You.

[BDunnell]

The latest update from the feline world - Have I Got Mews For You.

Which is also a posh property programme.

[Ian McC]

The latest in toilet technology - Have I got loos for you.

[Rollo]

A show in which over-sexed women in New York try to retrieve misplaced footwear from the furniture - Socks In The Setee

Kiefer Sutherland reprieves his role as Jack Bauer in a new cut price version of the hit counter terrorist show - 12

And over on BBC One, it's the new film starring Pavarotti entitled - Sing Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia :D

[Rollo]

Owing to England's terrible display in the Ashes Series, Jonathan Agnew will now host the Radio 4 program - Test Match Ordinary

Angus Scott and Vicki Butler-Henderson do the commentary on ITV1 in association with Hanson Premix Concrete to bring you the British Pouring Car Championship.

And there's mix-ups a plenty as our nightly movie starring Gary Lineaker delves behind-the-scenes of a Premier League Football broadcast in Bring Me The Header Of Alfredo Garcia. :D

[Azumanga Davo]

Jon Culshaw does more of your karaoke impressions tonight on Dead Singers.

Followed by fellow copycat Alistair MacGowan, where he attempts to blend into the background of a Tesco's fruit and veg shelf in Alistair MacGowan's Fig Impression.

Then Noel Edmonds quizzez ordinary everyday people what puddings they like in Jelly Addicts.

:D

[Ian McC]

A live program for you, straight from the wines and spirits department at Tescos, Have I got booze for you

[CarlMetro]

For those who like a bit of a bargin, but are looking for a long term investment opourtunity, Sunday evening on BBC1 will now see Poundshop Roadshow

[Ian McC]

Testing the best beds in Have I Got Snooze For You

[Eki]

Dr Drill: Famous dentist solves peoples' dental problems in front of alive audience.

[Hazell B]

The latest in toilet technology - Have I got loos for you.

Followed by the latest in composting technology Have I Got Poos For You and at midnight the religious show entitled Have I Got Jews For You and some fireside fun in the early hours with Have I Got Flues For You

The schizophrenics may enjoy Have I Got Yous For You :p :

[Ian McC]

Followed by the latest in composting technology Have I Got Poos For You and at midnight the religious show entitled Have I Got Jews For You and some fireside fun in the early hours with Have I Got Flues For You

The schizophrenics may enjoy Have I Got Yous For You :p :

Oh, thats my next few posts gone for this thread :p :

[Hazell B]

So you've got Boos for me, then? :D

[Ian McC]

So you've got Boos for me, then? :D


Taxi for Hazell, actually make it a limo :D

[BDunnell]

Followed by fellow copycat Alistair MacGowan, where he attempts to blend into the background of a Tesco's fruit and veg shelf in Alistair MacGowan's Fig Impression.

:laugh:

I think that's possibly the best idea yet. I'm straight on the 'phone to the BBC.

[BDunnell]

Another new comedy quiz for the BBC, this time taking a comedic look at the end of British Leyland: They Think It's All Rover.

[odykas]

There's a magic button called "switch off". I always use it when football is over.

[Rollo]

Anne Robinson hosts a series about dinners gone wrong in Takeout TV

The soap opera set in the town of Summer Bay will change its main story line to be set around the world of football - Home and Away

And on BBC Four and experimental film from Scotland called Steal Me The Ned of Alfredo Garcia :D

[BDunnell]

Follow the progress made by Britain's herb growers in Thymewatch UK.

[Ian McC]

DIY without the danger in Never Mind The Buzzsaws

[Daniel]

Diagnosis Myrrh: A special edition of Dick van Dyke's popular sleuthing show set around the time of the birth of Christ.
Further to this we have a french show about a man who's not a doctor.

Diagnosis Merde!

I'll get my beret! :mark:

[jim mcglinchey]

Fags of our Fathers; Nothing to do wth the inferno on Iwo Jima, but where a young lad is sent to the corner shop to buy 10 Black Cat for his consumptive dad.

[Ian McC]

A time travelling vet saves the lives of millions of cows in Doctor Moo

[Azumanga Davo]

Can't believe what an opportunity to brighten up our screens was missed when the BBC show Dead Ringers made fun of Thora Hird's Nice History of Britain.

"...and the lovely lovely people of Argentina and Britain sat down to have a nice picnic. In the end, Britain won the war on the Falklands, as it was judged to have made the best Dandelion and Burdock. Seeya, luvs..." :D

[Hazell B]

Yet another Meg Ryan film, Feckless in Seattle

[Ian McC]

The campaign to recycle used books in Pulp Fiction

[Eki]

Sheepless in Seattle: About a welsh immigrant looking for love in a big city.
Beepless in Seattle: About a businessman looking for a better mobile phone coverage.

[Ian McC]

A man hides from his proctologist in Enema At The Door

[Rollo]

Angela Lansbury stars as a housewife sits at home praying that the people she's hired to do in her husband are successful - Murder, She Hopes

Contestants at the Peking Happy Deli compete in short games mostly based about guessing the written value of items on the menu in The Rice Is Right

Kirsty Wark is still on BBC Two even after the nuclear holocaust wipes out all trace of life on the planet, rendering all government and national affairs, redundant, useless and silent in Newsnought

[Eki]

The WC: The show details the lives of young adults and their families growing up in the affluent ****er County, Wisconsin.

[Azumanga Davo]

Boris Johnson of the Conservative Party previews his all-time heroes list in his brand new show Top of the Fops.

Four tins of sardines fight it out for the ultimate battle of improv comedy in Whose Brine Is It Anyway??

It's the future, and Mel Gibson has issued yet another gibberish press release. Yes, its another instalment of the thrilling Mad Fax.

A human being, an evolved cat person, a hologram and a servant droid are trapped 3 million years in space. Without hand cleaner. Watch their perils of the unhygeinic in Red Swarfega.

It's chaos in the knitting supply store of Little Twiddly as they realise that they have run out of cobalt coloured wool. More comedy capers in The Thin Blue Twine.

The Nazis have taken over the Island of Sodor and have cut up and recycled the trains in their armoured vehicle production. But it all goes wrong in this kids adventure Thomas the Panzer Tank Engine.

[Ian McC]

Shakespear performed in comedy chicken outfits in Bards Of A Feather

[Rollo]

There will be a gardeners treat coming up on FilmFour when they play that old classic Back to the Fushia

The Agatha Christie film scheduled for 9pm on Channel has had to be moved to and earlier timeslot and will now be called Dial PG for Hurting

And finally, Nigella Lawson and Jamie Oliver team up in Bring Me The Head of Al Dente Garcia :D

[Eki]

New medical drama series. A cranky limping dwarf doctor starts a country practice in the American Mid-West: Little House on the Prairie

[BDunnell]

Two teams of cannabis smokers compete to hide their drugs from the police in Stash in the Attic.

[janneppi]

CSi Autobahn:
A german show situated in the eighties where the hero drives his Beemer in the German motorways fighting Audis and MB's and the occational Alfa along the way.

Also the modern version with the new CSi is awailable in your favourite fantasy channel

[Azumanga Davo]

Bob Holness takes on a much meaner and more destructive gameshow in the name of entertainment, shooting your opponents in the hope of getting through to the (literal) Hot Spot round. Yes, time for another episode of Glockbusters.

Tom O'Connor hosts yet another gameshow, this time set in Dublin. Ireland's cleverest people come to play CrossFitz.

Gordon Burns has trouble on the farm when his agricultural machinery packs up thanks to the costant barrage of 'abuse' it gets from an incontinent cow. Yes, we really scraped the barrel when ITV came up with The Crapped-On Tractor. :D