Smacking Children? Aye or Nay?

[Rollo]

Last night I was at the opening meeting of our football club for the year, discussing things like ground maintenance etc. when we heard a ruckus in the back of the room and someone's darling little child had managed to pull down one of the hanging banners from when we'd been promoted at the end of last season.

Someone suggested that the child deserved a smack for being so naughty to which the father of this kid said "I could never hit my boys, they might not respect me" and of course this sparked of the whole debate about whether smacking kids is right or wrong etc.

Me personally? I did get smacked as a kid and I don't see it has having done me any harm but not having children myself, I'm scarcely one to offer advice; added to the fact that I think that how one raises their kids is entirely their own business, I thought I'd throw this open for discussion.

Thoughts? Comments?

[BeansBeansBeans]

Would never smack my daughter, that's my choice.

If another parent wants to smack their child, then that's their choice, and it's fair enough as far as I'm concerned. As long as the smacking is within reason.

[LeonBrooke]

Definitely not.

There are better ways to discipline children, but we've had this debate on the old forum...

[oily oaf]

Smacking my children has always been a complete anathema to me so I always used to wait until they'd fallen asleep before burning them face down in their beds. :imu:

I had a curry last night people.
One of those Llyod Grossman jobbies.
Wasn't bad although it lacked that fiery element that I tend to favour.
Nothing like a good old fashioned ring stinger IMHO :s ailor:

[LeonBrooke]

Smacking my children has always been a complete anathema to me so I always used to wait until they'd fallen asleep before burning them face down in their beds. :imu:

I had a curry last night people.
One of those Llyod Grossman jobbies.
Wasn't bad although it lacked that fiery element that I tend to favour.
Nothing like a good old fashioned ring stinger IMHO :s ailor:

Ring stinger? wow

[ShiftingGears]

I did get smacked and if it works, then why not.

[LeonBrooke]

The point is, it doesn't work. It's much better to properly explain to the children what they've done wrong, and why.

[Caroline]

As a child I remember opening a car door just as we were pulling in home. It gave my Dad a hell of a fright and he slapped my leg and shouted at me. It stayed with me because my Dad is a quiet gentle man and for him to do this meant that something serious had taken place. I also believe it was instinctive, he thought I might get hurt so reacted as quickly as possible. I never ever did it again.
Sometimes, it is necessary. I just hope all those parents who believe so deeply that a smack (however occasional is wrong) are strong disciplinarians in other ways. Working in a school, I see so many little angels and how they work their parents. I imagine them as adults/parents and it scares me.

[A.F.F.]

Absolutely not. There are options for corporal punishment with children. You can show the line have been crossed without slapping.

[bowler]

smack OK, within limits

[Brown, Jon Brow]

I was smacked as a child and look how I turned out :up:


I think in some cases a smack is the best way to disipline a child. I you try to explain what they have done wrong they might ignore you or not understand what you say.

[CarlMetro]

I don't believe that smacking or, what seems to be an ever-increasing favorite at the moment, rough handling of a child is aceptable, no matter what the circumstances.

There are far better ways to discipline a child such as time outs and naughty steps, both of which we use with our two-year-old son. With these you explain to the child what it has done wrong and the reasons why it is now taking a time out. We also use a removal of privilages such as no story before bed, no favorite TV programme or the removal of a favorite toy for 24 hours. All of these work and work well, not just with my son but with the children of everyone else we know too as everyone tends to use the same methods.

[LotusElise]

Most of the parents I know agree with CarlMetro. Removal of privileges or a favourite toy is a much more effective and long-lasting deterrent to bad behaviour than smacking.

[Loobylou]

our two-year-old son

My god :eek: is he really 2 years old?!

I'm sure it wasn't that long ago... :s

[Erki]

I was smacked as a child and look how I turned out :up:

I was also smacked as a child a few times and looks how I turned out :eek:

[Kaiser]

Smacking is fine as it is teaching a consequnce to an action. My 2 year old has learned just fine from it. It is impossible to reason with a child who does not understand or comprehend reasoning.

[slinkster]

Smacking was definitely, if ever, used as a last resort when I was little... and while I've always thought it never really did me any harm, I'm still not sure I'd choose this over other methods when I have my own family. It kinda shows a lack of control to me, and that's not something I want to convey to my kids.

Having said that... I think we have lost the discipline and respect that was once shown say when my grandparents were children... I doubt they'd have acted as some kids these days do out of respect for their parents. A certain element of fear of consequences IS needed... not being a parent, I'm not always sure what that is though.

[LotusElise]

[quote="slinkster"]

That's what the people I mentioned before said too.
I don't have any kids either and am not sure where I stand on this issue, although my gut feeling is that I disapprove of almost all violence, however minor.
However, lack of smacking should not equal lack of discipline either.

[Brown, Jon Brow]

A young child ran onto a busy road thinking it was playing.
You could:

i) say 'that is naughty and dangerous! don't do it again!'

ii) say 'that is naughty and dangerous! don't do it again!' then give the child a small smack.

With scenario 'i)' I think that there is more chance the child could push the boundaries and run onto the road again (possibly killing themselves) . Scenario ii) the child decides by itself not to run onto the road as they could get another smack.


However if parents smack there children and don't give any verbal disipline you could end up with an aggressive, violent child.

[Dave B]

Until a child is capable of understanding reason, then yes. But only a light rap on the bum or back of legs, not a beating! As soon as they're old enough to discpline verbally, the smacking should stop. That's my opinion...

[BDunnell]

I find it embarrassing to both parent and child when I see a child being smacked. Personally, if I had kids, I wouldn't do it, but what is often described as 'reasonable chastisement' still seems acceptable to me. It should never, of course, go beyond what most people would consider to be the acceptable boundaries.

[oily oaf]

Until a child is capable of understanding reason, then yes. But only a light rap on the bum or back of legs, not a beating! As soon as they're old enough to discpline verbally, the smacking should stop. That's my opinion...

Absolutely spot on.

I myself am also a firm believer that age plays an enormous part in the level of discipline meted out.

My own youngsters would be let off with a light singeing of the lower extremities with swan vestas or the thing you use to light the cooker until they had reached school age when their maiden face down burning was administered.

Now you can call me a trifle over protective if you like but I can quite honestly say that since I burned them all face down in their beds I have never once been called up the school by an irate headteacher nor have I had the Old Bill banging on the door telling me that they've just killed an old lady.
Oh dear me no :mad:

In point of fact I've never once had further occasion to discipline them in any way shape or form. :)

[oily oaf]

Or feed 'em.

[wedge]

When I was little I used to be a right handful, very sly and coniving, always trying to push the boundries. A smack was there to remind me who was boss and when not to cross that line, otherwise, I would've gotten away with murder!

However, I'm dreading the day I resort to smacking my kids.

Saying that, kids will respond differently. Some will grow up knowing whats right and wrong, and some kids might become psychologically scarred.

Its kinda strange we live in such a liberal society - the 'I will never smack my kids' syndrome and yet there are parents out there who feel there is never enough discipline in today's society. I was making general observation, not a criticism to you parents out there!

[Bezza]

Smacking is fine. Kids need to be disciplined with more than words sometimes. A firm smack on the thigh/leg/hand will do the trick, to teach a lesson which words, at a young age, can not. Kids will apportion whatever bad act they have done with punishment (i.e. a little bit of pain) - so they won't do it again. Telling off just isn't enough. Full on abusive hitting is not right though - there is a line, and I'm sure if anyone has any common sense then they can allow smacking as it is very important.

[BeansBeansBeans]

I'm sure if anyone has any common sense then they can allow smacking as it is very important.

I'm not sure I agree with you there. I much prefer the methods outlined by Carl above.

[A.F.F.]

Telling off just isn't enough.

There are many ways you can tell these things to a child. There are also many ways you can underline you or the matter is serious. I strongly disagree slapping is the best one.

[Jaws]

I like to turn negatives into positives and seize on my brat's misbehaviour as an opportunity.

For Example:

Mrs Jaws : " Jaws darling, Jaws Jnr II has just broken another glass".

Jaws : " I can't handle this any more, I'm off to the pub"

Door slams.

[CarlMetro]

Smacking is fine. Kids need to be disciplined with more than words sometimes. A firm smack on the thigh/leg/hand will do the trick, to teach a lesson which words, at a young age, can not. Kids will apportion whatever bad act they have done with punishment (i.e. a little bit of pain) - so they won't do it again. Telling off just isn't enough. Full on abusive hitting is not right though - there is a line, and I'm sure if anyone has any common sense then they can allow smacking as it is very important.

No offence intended Bezza but you're talking bollox. You would be surprised just how much and how quickly a child will learn the difference between right and wrong. Verbal discipline starts at a very early age probably when the child first finds mobility, around six months old for most. This will normally be in the form of a simple word, NO, when an infant os doing something wrong. Certainly by the age of a year they have a good comprehension of what is good and what is bad, with things being removed from their reach. at around 16 months old simple time-outs should be introduced, explaining why the child has been taken away from the activity/area and receiving a 'sorry' afterwards. This in turn quickly progresses to denial of privilages such as favorite toys and or TV programmes.

I only have to threaten my son with the loss of his Littlle Tikes car or a visit to the naughty step for him to stop what he's doing and behave.

[agwiii]

As the Bible tells us: "He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24) and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14)

Of course, there are non-believers who will not follow the bible, but they are not of great concern. YMMV

[DonJippo]

As a father I would feel I have failed in my role if I has to use slapping as a method to punish my children if they have done something wrong.

[pino]

I've got two kids, never touched them with a finger and never will, smacking childrens is prehistoric and ignorant :down: :mad:

[F1boat]

I've got two kids, never touched them with a finger and never will, smacking childrens is prehistoric and ignorant :down: :mad:

I agree 1000% with you. I'm very young for a father (22), but if one day I have kids, I'll do my best not to slap or smack them.

[CarlMetro]

As the Bible tells us: "He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24) and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14)

Of course, there are non-believers who will not follow the bible, but they are not of great concern. YMMV

And there are those who would like you to translate it into simple English too.

Just for all of us non-believers who don't matter.

[agwiii]

And there are those who would like you to translate it into simple English too.

There is a vast body of research on child rearing, discipline, etc. There is also a very active usenet discussion group on this topic.

[Hotbikerchic33]

i'd never smack a child but then i wouldn't have one in the 1st place lol

[Bezza]

Talk about a storm in a teacup.

I've grown up perfectly well with the occasional slap on the bum/thigh after a wrongdoing when I was young. I learnt not to do that again! So therefore, it worked.

What is more pathetic is the way in which people pander to kids thesedays and how parents look down their noses at other parents who offer the occasional slap - to discipline their child.

[Hazell B]

What is more pathetic is the way in which people pander to kids thesedays and how parents look down their noses at other parents who offer the occasional slap - to discipline their child.


I would agree with you there, but in the past. Not now.

These days there are widely available child psychology books and TV shows, so the sensible parent who learns their ways and never smacks is good IMO. However, the parent who doesn't bother with either psychology or smacking is the problem. Their children are the ones who'll end up obnoxious.

I'm not against smacking at all - just it's misuse.

Not unrelated (as a horse has about the average two year old's reasoning power) I cracked a pony in the face with my elbow yesterday. Hard. He'd nipped somebody who had food, then tried backing into me to get me to move out of his way. I cannot allow a pony to expect a human to get out of his way - it's dangerous for all concerned.

When the pony couldn't move me, he turned to nip me so I would back off, so I lifted my elbow smartly into his face.

It hurt me (he's got a boney face :p : ), but he didn't resent it at all. He just stopped being pushy.

Imagine a parent smacking a small child who's just stolen another child's sweets. Perfectly fair, if done in the right way.
Damned wrong if done in the wrong way!

[jim mcglinchey]

i'd never smack a child but then i wouldn't have one in the 1st place lol


Not even if Marco or monkey boy Vale said to you " For sure, I want you to have my baby "?

[agwiii]

Talk about a storm in a teacup.

I've grown up perfectly well with the occasional slap on the bum/thigh after a wrongdoing when I was young. I learnt not to do that again! So therefore, it worked.

What is more pathetic is the way in which people pander to kids thesedays and how parents look down their noses at other parents who offer the occasional slap - to discipline their child.

To say nothing of the parent(s) that use the VCR and television as a substitute for parenting, merrily buying everything in sight for their dear little darling who grows up to become ... what?

[speedy king]

I remember being smacked as a child, and look at me now :p : In all seriousness though i'm not jumping on or setting light to cars on the streets and selling drugs like others i know who could have and still do with a good smack now.

I do remember one time though hitting my dad back only to then get a very very stern teaching that you never hit anyone back...

[jonas_mcrae]

smack them if they deserve it

[schmenke]

I'm not sure I agree with you there. I much prefer the methods outlined by Carl above.

Ditto. I don't believe that a child has to endure physical pain to be disciplined. I see smaking a kid a sign of lack of discipline on the parent's part.